


I Think I Love You

by Ayyynojam (orphan_account)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bickering, Comedy, Crushes, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Smut, Family Drama, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, jackson is such a fking flirt, jinyoung is always speechless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:40:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21966556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Ayyynojam
Summary: They seem like two very different people on the surface. But they have more in common than they think. From neighbours who barely know each other they slowly become friends, confidants and possibly something more.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Mark Tuan, Im Jaebum | JB/Kim Yugyeom, Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang
Comments: 40
Kudos: 79





	1. Page 1, Let the Right One In.

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are all fictional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is dedicated to those who gave my previous fic love eventhough I stabbed them in the heart <3.

\-------------

Jackson was definitely a crying drunk and most importantly, he was being a fucking public nuisance right now. That was Jinyoung's internal monologue as he tutted at the sight in front of him. All he wanted to do was to take out the trash and end his long, tiring night peacefully. But of course, there sat Jackson, crouched over at the recycling sorting area, bawling his eyes out, snot leaking endlessly. He rolled his eyes at the sight in front of him, as if it was nothing new. He placed his trash bag on the floor and took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Then, the sobbing stopped abruptly, followed almost immediately by a loud snore. The drunken man fell asleep. Right in front of the plastics compartment.

Jinyoung stared down at his bag filled only with, well…

_Fucking plastics._ _Oh great._

“Excuse me…”, Jinyoung cautiously approached the man who had his head buried in his knees. “Jackson-shi…”, he bent slightly over and poked at the sleeping man.

No reply.

“JACKSON-SHI!”, Jinyoung let out in an exasperated tone, his voice louder than he intended.

“Wha-what?”, the other man jolted awake, turning his head left and right in a daze.

“Can you get out of my way please?”, Jinyoung folded his arms impatiently, scrunching his nose at the strong scent of alcohol emanating from the man still crouched in front of him. The man looked at him, clearly not registering his words.

“M-mark…? Is that you?”

“What? No. its Jinyoung.”

“You fucking b-bitch…hic…I hate you Mark, how c-could you do this to me!”, the drunk squinted his eyes at the man standing over him and lunged at the poor unsuspecting man, breaking out into hysterical sobs again.

Jinyoung tried to shield himself from the relentless slaps he received on his chest. He coughed before finally managing to get a hold of the other man’s shoulders.

“Owowowow. Nono. Ouch! Its Jinyoung. ITS JINYOUNG!! FROM 302A NEXT DOOR!! OUCH! WHAT THE HELL MAN.”

“Jinyoung…? Oh…hehe…hic…its Jinyoung-ie.”, the man relaxes into Jinyoung’s strong grip as he cocks his head to one side. A blissful grin spread across his face almost negating the fact that just moments ago he was angry-crying and lashing out at the baffled man in front of him.

_Jinyoung-ie?_

Jinyoung’s eyes widened, his voice filled with disbelief as he scoffs, shoving the other man away.

“Jinyoung-ie? Jackson-shi, I know you're drunk right now so I'll excuse your behaviour because frankly I don’t think you will recall a thing tomorrow anyway. All I ask of you is to kindly get the fuck out of my way.”

The slightly shorter, but much stronger of the two pouts his lips and shook his head, clearly out of his wits. He grabs Jinyoung and pulls him into a hug, burying his head into the other man’s chest and wrapping his arms tightly to reach around the other’s back.

“Jinyoung-ie…why are you always sooo cold to me…we're the same…hic…age y'know, your mom and I are sooo close too...Let’s be friends Jinyoung-ie…hic…hehe”, he whined in a cutesy slur. The other man squirmed helplessly in his strong grip.

“Alright alright, jesus christ, just get off me!”

Jackson jerks his head up to face Jinyoung’s, a little too close, as his breath tickles the man’s chin.

“OHHH…Take that back, how dare you take the lord’s name in vain. Wait till your…hic…mother hears of this.”, he teases Jinyoung, his mouth forming an O-shape.

“Oh my god -”, Jinyoung groans, giving up on trying to worm his way out of Jackson’s embrace.

“Hehehhehe…hic.” Jackson was still blissfully unaware how agitated the man was in his arms, burying his head into the other’s chest again. Jinyoung felt a weird fuzz in his chest. And it's not just from the man's hair prickling through the loose wool of his sweater. It was strangely warm. Even...comforting. _Though heavy because of this idiot's gigantic head._

And that was their first real interaction. For the past few months since Jackson first moved in, they hadn’t said more than five sentences to each other. Jackson was friendly, and although his lifestyle choices weren’t exactly in line with the values of Jinyoung's devout mom, they surprisingly hit off well. In fact, he hit it off with everyone. Everyone except Jinyoung, who hated how flashy, loud and boisterous he was, causing him to avoid Jackson like a plague.

It didn't help that every night he could hear the symphonic sounds of his next door neighbour. The walls were thin. And his neighbour was loud. In arguments, drinking and well, especially in bed.

And it definitely didn’t help that the only thing separating their bedrooms was a dry wall the building owner hastily had built up to separate what used to be a jumbo-sized unit, into 302A and 302B. Was that even legal? Jinyoung made a mental note to check it out and swore to use it against the building owner one day so that he could finally get some peace and quiet.

Right at that thought, a belching sound caused him to snap back to the grim reality in front of him, where 302B had just puked onto 302A's sweater. A strangely gaudy sweater quite unlike the man wearing it.

Jackson pulled back, wiping his mouth in a daze. Jinyoung cursed under his breath as he shot the other man an accusatory glare.

Completely incensed at this point, Jinyoung stormed off, forgetting about his bag of plastics that lay almost dejectedly on the ground.

The next day, Jinyoung got an earful from the building manager about his lack of responsibility in sorting the trash properly. He rolled his eyes as the man in front of him nagged incessantly and made a face once the man finally left. He walked down the corridor and noticed Jackson standing by his front door, hanging his head in shame as if he remembered everything. He ignored the man beside him as he opened his door. Jackson tried to apologize, saying that he would explain to the building manager that it was his fault but Jinyoung just sighed and told him to forget it, slamming the door, leaving no chance for the other to reply.

\-------------

The moment Jinyoung walked out of the automated glass door, a cold gust of wind surged past, a little too chilly for a summer breeze. He zipped up his thin jacket and turned to face the red brick building behind him. He waved goodbye at his colleague, who grinned back widely, through the office window. He was in a better mood that night and even whistled a little as he made his way back home.

His happiness didn’t last long as his eyes fell upon a familiar figure hunched over, seated on the wooden bench right outside the entrance to the apartment complex, this time completely sober. Jinyoung gripped onto his leather-bound book as he tried to walk past the man, halting when he heard a sniffle. He sighed at the man crying silently and closed his eyes, brows furrowing in a knit. Finally, he relented when he heard a whimper, and hesitantly placed a hand on Jackson’s shoulder.

“Hey…are you ok?”, he asked warily of the man seated in front of him, who turned to look up at his touch.

“H-huh? Oh…”, Jackson’s eyes widened a little before turning away awkwardly to wipe his tears away with his sleeves. His phone rang before he managed a proper response. “Ugh, shit.”

Jinyoung watched as the man placed his phone to face down as quickly as he looked at it. The man whipped his head up to face Jinyoung, flustering him a little.

“By the way, I’m sorry about your sweater and your trash. It was so not cool man.”

“Nah whatever, the building manager’s always been a dick, and I hated that sweater anyway. My aunt made me wear it to Sunday dinners, thanks to you it’s now in the trash where it belongs.”

Jinyoung patted the other man on his shoulder reassuringly, causing the other to relax into a wide smile.

“HAHA. You're a real asshole you know that?”, Jackson looked at the man standing over him in awe.

“Yeap. I know”, Jinyoung shrugs his shoulders.

Jackson chuckled, his tears had stopped flowing for a while now but neither one of them noticed.

Jinyoung drew a short breath and hesitated before he took a seat next to the other man who now sat up, leaning back his head to rest. He jerked slightly when his phone rang again, scratching his head in frustration.

“Boyfriend troubles?”, Jinyoung offered sympathetically.

“Just…I don’t know I don’t wanna think about it right now. Wait how do you know I have a boyfriend?”, Jackson turned his head to face Jinyoung who instinctively looked away.

“I think it’s safe to say the whole building knows, the walls aren't exactly soundproof y’know.”

“So, you've been listening in each night huh? I didn’t peg you for a pervert Jinyoung-ie.”, he pursed his lips, the corners of his lips threatened to break into a smile.

“I’m not a fucking pervert and stop calling me that.”, Jinyoung shot a glare at the other, eyes narrowing. The reaction caused the other man to burst into a distinct, almost screechy laughter.

Jinyoung looked down at his feet upon hearing the man’s uninhibited laughter. He had always heard it through his wall. A faint echo. It used to annoy him tremendously. Although now, instead of annoyance, a strange feeling crept up in his chest when he heard it. He looked on as Jackson closed his eyes, seemingly more relaxed as he hummed a familiar tune that Jinyoung couldn’t quite figure out. He stared at the other man’s eyelids before his gaze trailed over his nose down to his lips. He didn't realise how handsome Jackson was until now. He never really got a good look before.

Thoughts of Jackson's faint, muffled moans involuntarily ran through his mind, causing him to choke back on his own saliva. _What the fuck am I thinking? Shit I really am a fucking pervert._

“Jinyoung-ie? You ok?”, the other man opened one eye lazily to look at him.

“Huh what? Y-yeah.”

“Clearly you aren't. Otherwise you'd be all mehmehmeh stop calling me Jinyoung-ie. Meh.”, he imitated Jinyoung’s piercing glare in a mocking tone.

“I don’t sound like that.”

“Memememeh.”

“Alright I'm out.”, Jinyoung got up from his seat, his voice laced with annoyance. A hand grabbed hold of his wrist, causing him to whip his head back to the other in surprise.

“Haha! Hey alright, I'm sorry okay. Don't go yet…please?”, the man pouted in a manner that Jinyoung would never admit to anyone he thought was kinda cute.

“…What? What do you want?”, he stammered, the fact that the other man still hadn’t let go of his wrist didn’t escape his notice.

**“** Haha, nothing, nothing…I mean let’s just talk I guess?”, Jackson let go of the man’s wrist, realizing he probably held on a little longer than he should have.

And so, they talked. At first Jackson explained why he was pissed drunk that night. He talked about being hurt by Mark. How he lost all his trust in the man after he found out about his side chick. Jinyoung told him to just forget about that guy, and love in general, causing Jackson to laugh bitterly as he agreed. As the night wore on, their conversation mostly consisted of the shorter man pouring out his heart and soul to Jinyoung, who to Jackson’s surprise, listened attentively to every word he said. Eventually, they fell into a comfortable silence, leading Jackson to fall asleep on the other man’s shoulders. He thought about waking him up but noticed that the shorter man had layers of eyebags beneath his eyelids. So, he decided to wait. And when Jackson didn't wake up, he too fell asleep. That night, they slept together on the park bench, all the way through dawn. 

Jinyoung woke with a start, his shoulders were stiff and his body felt the chill of the morning breeze. Looking down to the only part of his body where he felt a comforting warmth, he found Jackson’s head snuggly in his lap. He stared for a long beat at the face of the man on his thighs looking like a satisfied cat on his owner’s lap. Almost reluctantly, he moved his legs, feeling the numbness and ache kick in. He winced as he carefully replaced his thick thighs with his equally thick leather-bound book as a pillow for the still sleeping man. Jinyoung stood up and straightened his pants, giving the Jackson a final glance before walking in, leaving the man covered in his jacket.

\-------------

Jinyoung leaned his body onto the door, discreetly trying to shut it without making a sound. As the door clicked, he heaved out a sigh of relief a little too early, as the friendly jingle of the digital lock reverberated throughout the otherwise silent house.

“Jinyoung-ie? Is that you?”, a voice calls out from the kitchen.

He groaned silently, muttering under his breath. “Y-yeah…it’s me.”

A head pops out from behind the kitchen door, a smile plastered sweetly on the lady’s face. Her soft curls fell lightly across her face with only a single pink pin holding up her fringe. People often mistook Jinyoung’s mom for his sister sometimes, her skin smooth without a trace of wrinkle showing her age.

“Are you hungry Jinyoung-ie?”, not leaving a beat for him to reply, she continued chattering as she turned back to concentrate stirring the pot of broth steaming from the stove.

“Guess what? I woke up early to a really beautiful sight outside my bedroom window this morning when I looked down to the street.” She gave her son a side glance.

Jinyoung rubbed the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes. “Mom…”, he groaned softly. His voice a little hoarse from the night spent outside. She says softly that she’s glad they’re finally getting along.

“W-we’re not… he’s…urgh…”, Jinyoung felt exasperated, his mother’s words sometimes made him really speechless. _Exactly like someone_ , he thought suddenly.

“He’s a good man Jinyoung-ie…even if you don’t see it yet.”

“I'm not listening to you about men-”, he stopped himself, wincing at the words that slipped from his mouth thoughtlessly. Jinyoung brows furrowed down guiltily as he casted a glance at his mother.

A smile was still plastered on her face as she continued stirring the pot rhythmically. Her eyes were covered by her bed hair that fell over her face.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it like that”, he stuttered, wanting to slap himself.

A long heavy silence hung in the air.

“Jinyoung-ah…won’t you reconsider it?”, her voice was a little restrained this time, her hand still stirring the pot. Stirring and stirring the pot as the broth swirled around. Jinyoung stared into the broth, his chest tightening in anger.

“No! Are you seriously on this again?”, his voice broke a little as he snapped. He pursed his lips for a moment to stop himself from raising his voice.

“I am not seeing that bastard.”

His mother kept silent, agitating the younger boy who now stood by her, leaning his hips against the kitchen counter. He hung his head, heaving out a frustrated sigh.

“Don’t tell me…do you still love him? After everything he did to us?”

His mother didn’t reply and merely continued stirring the pot. Stirring on and on, the steam filled up the kitchen as the broth bubbled over.

\--------------

Jinyoung was late for work. He darted his eyes nervously at his watch as he scrambled for his keys and slipped on his shoes. He swung open the door to find a small framed man with blond streaks in his hair causing a ruckus outside Jackson’s door.

“Jacks I know you're in there, open up!”, the man banged almost desperately on the metallic door that was covered in cheap paint slowly peeling off.

Jinyoung groaned deliberately, casting an annoyed stare to the side as he closed his door. The man didn’t miss it as he stared back at Jinyoung, daggers in his eyes.

“What?!”, the blond man seethed.

“Nothing. Just thinking that you're wasting your time. He’s not in there he’s having classes right now.” Jinyoung lied, not bothering to hide the contempt in his voice.

“And how would _you_ know that?”

“I'm his neighbour, I notice these things I guess.” He lied again. He actually didn’t know anything about his neighbour and only had a proper conversation with him the night before.

“What?! are you a fucking stalker or something?!”, the man shrieked, a little too loudly for his liking.

Jinyoung merely clicked his tongue and ignored the man, stomping off down the corridor.

“Wow a pervert and a stalker huh, two peas in a fucking pod aren't they just…”, he balked to himself.

\----------------

After some time, he finally heard a second set of footsteps retreating from his door. Jackson leaned his back against it, his hands loosening the tight grip he had around the door knob, sighing in relief. He turned to glance at his shoe cabinet where a thick, antique-looking leather-bound book sat conspicuously atop a thin summer jacket folded carefully, looking very out of place in his bachelor pad.

He chuckled to himself, eyes narrowing into a smile.

\----------------

As Jinyoung keyed in the password into the lockpad absentmindedly, he heard the sound of the door next door clicking open. His eyes met the man who had half of his body leaning out against the door. 

“Hey…yo, long time no see.”

“You've been quiet lately.”, Jinyoung’s hand fell to his side, staring curiously at his neighbor.

“Yeah haha, finals y’know.”, Jackson ran a hand through his evidently greasy hair, his shirt creased and probably unwashed for a few days. Jinyoung crinkled his nose at the thought, the other man noticing.

“You study?”, he blurted, never missing a chance for a pointed jab.

“Hey no need to be a dick about it alright, well…yeah I did this semester. Don't want to have to repeat another year. I'm done with this hahaha…”, the man’s voice trailed off as his eyes darted back towards something in his house.

Jinyoung glanced towards the direction of the lift lobby.

“Why are you out here, doesn't your boyfriend hound your door around this time?”, he said looking back at the other man who was reaching for something behind his door.

“Yeah…I'm really sorry about that. Which reminds me actually. Thanks for the save that day. Stalker. HAHA.”

“Alright I'm out.”, Jinyoung reaches back his hand to his keypad, huffing in annoyance.

“No seriously wait! Thanks, I mean it…and actually I heard you outside, which is why I just wanted to…here's your stuff.”, his neighbour leaned his body back out the door, panicking slightly. He reached out his hands clumsily, holding up a pair of items familiar to Jinyoung.

“Ah.”, Jinyoung held onto his book and neatly folded jacket, which had a faint scent of being freshly washed. Memories of that night flooded back into his mind, still clear and fresh in his head. He bit his lips as he stuffed them into his duffel bag. An awkward silence fills the air as Jackson clears his throat.

“Erm…so I better head back inside in case y’know-”, he pointed down the corridor.

As if on cue, the sound of the elevator ring echoed through the corridor and hasty stomps grew louder, approaching the two men.

“YAH JACKSON WANG!”

“-oh shit.” Jackson shut his eyes, his face scrunching up.

\----------------

“Jackson-ah, Jacks...please.” The anger on the blond man’s face disappeared, his face contorted as tears leaked out. He dashed towards the Jackson.

“JACKSON...AHHHHH WAAHHH. PLEASE JUST FORGIVE ME THIS ONCE. IM SOWEEE. I ENDED SHIT WITH HER. I won’t ever do it again.” He fell to his knees, rubbing his eyes.

“Wow, you weren't kidding about the waterworks that night…so he really did cry for two hours straight at the amusement park without saying anything? I thought you were just joking.” Jinyoung leaned over to whisper incredulously into Jackson’s ear. Jackson gave him a side glance and sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Listen… Mark I-”

“Jackson-ah, look I know I made a mistake. But you can forgive me, right? I mean always forgave you why can't you forgive me too?”

“I never fucking cheated on you.”, Jackson muttered in a low growl that startled Jinyoung.

“Oh, c’mon don't be like that, it was one time…it meant nothing.”

Something in Jinyoung snapped.

_Nothing?_

Anger swelled up in his chest, as he turned toward the blond man who was still kneeling down and narrowed his gaze in disgust.

“What did you say, you bastard?”, his piercing glare caused the man to jerk a little.

“W-What? What do you-”, the blond man stuttered as he got back up, stepping back a little as Jinyoung advanced menacingly towards him.

“Nothing? It meant nothing? YAH YOU REALLY GOT A FUCKING NERVE.” Jinyoung stalked towards the retreating man who stopped sobbing in shock.

“Listen here you piece of shit, it may have meant nothing to you. But it was everything to her!”, his voice cracked at the last line as he jabbed a finger into the stunned man.

Jackson whose mouth was slightly agape in disbelief the whole time did not miss the weird choice of pronoun. He cocked his head to the side, slightly bemused and very confused at the way things were unfolding.

“Oho. S-so this is what it is huh? Huh jackson? What is he your new bitch or something? Are you trying to get back at me? Jackson-ah you don’t have to play hard to get anymore I-”, the blond man now spluttered accusingly at Jackson.

Jinyoung eyes widened as he grabbed the collar of the man’s leather jacket.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY? I’M NOBODY’S BITCH ALRIGHT. I SWEAR I'll-”, he raised a fist in the air. Jackson reacted faster and stepped forward to hold Jinyoung back, realizing it was time for him to intervene.

“Alright, alright kids break it up- YAH. Jinyoung-ie let him go…”, he gasped, using his entire weight to try to pull the enraged man off his ex before the police had to get involved.

“Stop calling me that!”, Jinyoung casted him a side glance, still not relenting. 

“Okok…just…let…him…go…ah! Damn you're stronger than I thought.”, Jackson wheezed as he finally pulled Jinyoung away from the man who was now cowering.

Jackson let loose his grip on Jinyoung’s broad chest, as the three off them huffed breathlessly. He turns towards his neighbor, rubbing a soothing hand to his back.

“Phew. Um…alright. So, ahem…thanks…but I'll take it from here.”

Jackson shakes his head gently at Jinyoung, mouthing at him that it'll be fine. Jinyoung who was consumed by anger slowly came to his senses, as if only just realizing what he was doing. Running a hand through his hair, he gave the blond man one last piercing glare before opening his door and slamming it behind.

“YEAH…y-you YOU BETTER RUN. BITCH.” Mark turned to Jackson, with a pleading look in his eyes.

“Jackson-ah…c’mon let’s not play around anymore okay, let’s just go inside and make up okay?”

“Mark.”

Jackson drew a long breath before he continued.

“Let's just talk here.”

\----------------

Jackson sat at his study table. His pen in his hand, but his mind wandering elsewhere. He thought about the blond man who left the building sobbing and sighed. He felt bad but his heart felt a little lighter. He chuckled as his thoughts wandered off to how his neighbour got riled up earlier, he was shocked at first, it was a sight he was definitely not familiar with. Jinyoung was three emotions to him, calm, bored and annoyed. Honestly, he still couldn't differentiate between the last two. He couldn't lie though, he quite enjoyed the sight of the man standing up for him. But his words did bother him a little.

_Her? Am I a damsel in distress?_

At that moment, he heard short hesitant knocks on the door. He turned around confused for a brief moment before rolling his eyes as he sauntered towards the front door. Opening the door, he furrowed his eyebrows wearily.

“Yah Mark I told you-”

As he looked up at the person standing outside his door he fell into a stutter.

“-y-you…uhh”

“H-hey.” Jinyoung waved awkwardly before placing his hand on his neck.

“So, uh…I just wanted to check on you and see how you were…well actually my mom told me to come over. She said to give you this, apparently you like egg rolls?”

“Oh umm, thanks yeah…yeah she makes some delicious egg rolls man.”

Jinyoung narrowed his eyes questioningly.

“When do you guys even-”, the other man interrupted him, distracted by something in the food pouch.

“Do you wanna come in?”, he turned up to face Jinyoung abruptly.

“Huh?”, Jinyoung stared back, speechless.

“You know, we could share these rolls and talk I guess. I mean only if you want to.”, Jackson held up a tiny yellow note he found in the food pouch

Jinyoung squinted his eyes at the scribbled writing, neatly and cutely written. A handwriting he was painfully familiar with. He groaned internally.

_Jackseun-ah. Hope you feel better sweetie! If not, I'll lend you my son for another night. Hehe._

“I really could use some company tonight honestly.” Jackson smiled softly at the other man who stared at the note in disbelief.

Jinyoung scoffed. _These two really just…_

“Uh…okay.”, he relented when he noticed Jackson pout a little, the pout that was slowly starting to become his weakness. Not that he would ever admit it though.

He walked in, a little too nervously, a detail Jackson didn’t miss.

\----------------

Jinyoung leaned back to lie on Jackson's large and spacious bed. It was the only thing in the house that wasn’t cluttered with comic books, cds and a random assortment of knick-knacks strewn about with pieces of unwashed clothing. A distinct, musky scent overpowered his senses as a combination of that and overeating made him feel a little sleepy. His eyelids felt heavy as he sunk into the soft comforter.

Jackson sat himself on the other side of the bed after clearing the containers and moving the foldable desk away.

He looked at jinyoung who now had his eyes closed. His gaze trailed to linger a little too long on the man’s lips, slightly moist with a glossy sheen from the oil of the egg rolls. He darted his eyes away when Jinyoung turns his body towards him.

He cleared his throat, humming very very softly, his legs shaking up and down making the bed jerk unevenly.

_“Nana..two guys chillin on the bed…five feet apart cus they're not gay…”_

Jinyoung's eyes shot open in annoyance.

“What are you doing?”

“Huh? Oh nothing…ahem, just-just praying?”

As if remembering something, Jackson turned to look at the man lying beside him. He leaned one side of his body on the bed to face Jinyoung, propping his head up with his elbow. His voice a little lower than usual. It made Jinyoung’s heart tingle a little. Just a little.

“Hey so uhh, what was that about just now? Were you really talking about me?”

“Huh?”

“Like that whole _‘it meant everything to her’_ thing yknow…Was that really about me?”

“Oh…I just. It reminded me of someone who got really hurt last time, I just, it slipped out I guess…I'm sorry if I crossed the line.”

“No no, not at all haha. Actually, I'm a little disappointed HAHA. I thought you were standing up for me.”, Jackson laughed, a little saddened.

“I was.”

“Huh?”, he turned to face Jinyoung who was now staring straight into him. His gaze unwavering as Jackson blinked, slightly startled at his sudden boldness.

“Jackson-ah, you said a lot of things that night about yourself. Things that I honestly don't see at all. Like, you're even in my mom's good book, which still baffles me. Honestly, give yourself some credit. You're stronger than you think you are y'know. And you deserve better than that prick.”

Jackson stared wordlessly into Jinyoung's eyes, his dark expressive eyes. He felt something in his throat as he swallowed down hard. He didn't know what to say. He didn't expect to hear what he just heard. Especially not from the man who was lying five feet from him right now.

As if only just realizing what he was saying, Jinyoung suddenly looked away.

“I-I mean…”, he stuttered nervously.

The second awkward silence of the night hung in the air between them. Jackson came back to his senses, his voice clearly touched as he managed a weak, uncertain response.

“Jinyoung-ie…I…thank you. Seriously man.”

“I…uhhh. Yeah, no problem…”

Jinyoung mumbled as he shifted his body to face away from the other man. He closed his eyes cringing at his own words.

“By the way…does this mean I can call you jinyoung-ie now?”

“…What? NO.”

\----------------

“For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love.”

― John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In.


	2. Page 2, You'll regret it all someday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An insight into Jinyoung's painful past. Also, Jackson and Jinyoung's mom are besties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Helpful notes: You’ll see this “~~” before a page break, it means that all the flashbacks have ended.

\--------------

_What a fucking morning_. Jinyoung sighed as he hastened towards the red brick building, taking long strides across the campus grounds filled with large groups of rowdy students _._ He was late for the second time this month and his supervisor was definitely going to give him an earful about it.

Suddenly, he heard a familiar raspy voice call out to him, he bit down on his lips as he tried to quicken his pace. He was already pretty fast, but the voice was persistent and eventually caught up to him as a hand grabbed onto his elbow, stopping him. He turned around to find his neighbour decked out in his black leather jacket, surrounded by an entourage.

_Oh wow, what a star._ He thought sarcastically. “Yes, Jackson-shi, what do you want?”

A flashily dressed and rather lanky young man gave him a look down before turning to Jackson.

“Dude, where did you pick up this nerd?”. His accent was slightly distinct and thick. Jackson smacked him on the back and looked back at Jinyoung, his eyes crinkling into a smile.

“It’s been a while man, let’s eat together later! I’ve no classes during lunch period.”, his voice was a little hopeful.

Jinyoung muttered that he was busy and pulled out his elbow from the other man’s grip as he dashed off, missing the pout that formed on the man’s lips. The pouting man stared on, slightly disappointed at being jilted, as his friend pestered him about the hot neighbour Jackson didn’t tell him about.

\--------------

Jinyoung flicked his pen obsessively as he stared holes into his computer screen. Thanks to a certain someone he encountered that morning, thoughts of the night spent in his neighbour’s apartment kept invading his mind. He sighed, leaning back into his chair as he groaned in frustration. His colleague seated across him cocked his head to the side to peer at him.

“Jinyoung-hyung are you okay?”, Jinyoung scrunched up his face as thoughts of the morning after sprung into his mind mercilessly.

That night, they had fallen asleep together five feet apart. But when Jinyoung woke up, they were sleeping with their chest pressed against each other in a tight embrace. Well, to be precise, it was Jinyoung who had his face snuggled into the other man’s chest, holding Jackson in a tight embrace. When he opened his eyes, he found Jackson staring at him, with a look he couldn’t remember. At that moment, he was too embarrassed so he shoved Jackson away a little too hard. Before the other man could even react, Jinyoung ran out of the flat, leaving a confused man sitting up on the bed.

It had been a few days since then and Jinyoung was purposely avoiding his neighbour again like a plague. This time for slightly different reasons.

He banged his head against the table, cursing his weird bed habits.

“Hyung, seriously are you ok?”

“Youngjae-ah, you read a lot of science stuff. Is there something like a memory wiper that exists?”

“You mean like in Men in Black?”

“I meant like in real life.”

“Hyung you do know I like to read _SCIENCE FICTION,_ right?”

Jinyoung groaned as he banged his head against the desk again.

“By the way hyung, do you remember that weirdo I was telling you about?”

“You mean your weird skinny blond neighbour who shrieks and cries a lot?”

“Yeah…the nerve of that guy! Guess what he said to me when I ran into him this morning while taking Coco out for her morning routine!”

“Oh, you guys finally talked?”

Youngjae started ranting about how Coco was so completely enamoured by the weirdo but Jinyoung’s mind started to wander back to the soft cotton of Jackson’s shirt on his face, his husky voice as he said good morning…

“Yah, hyung are you listening!”

“What? Yeah, of course.” He really wanted to slap himself. _Get a fucking grip Park Jinyoung._

“You know what was the first thing he said to me when I walked up to him and Coco?”

“What?”

“ _’Wow, is it even possible to meet someone who is so completely…not your type?’_ Like what is his deal?!”

“What a weirdo, so what did you say?”, at this point Jinyoung was back to flicking his pen obsessively, having given up burying the thoughts of his neighbor, which were now floating freely through his mind.

“I slapped him of course. I never felt so insulted before in my life. It’s so annoying though! Coco doesn’t come to me even when I _call for him._ Ugh.”, the younger knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

Jinyoung chuckled softly while shaking his head at his colleague who now had his arms folded. His reaction caused the other to laugh back at him incredulously, as if only just realising how ridiculous it was. Their attention drew to the sudden ringing of the landline phone that sat on Jinyoung's desk. He sighed, rolling his eyes back.

_Ring, ring._

"Yes, hello, this is the library archival office, how can I help you?", Jinyoung uttered in his most monotonous yet professional, could-give-fuck-all voice he could muster. His colleague looked on curiously to see his face slowly darken.

"Who is this?"

\--------------

The strong scent of disinfectant assaulted his senses as he tightened his jaw, trying his best to refrain from lashing out. He shut his eyes as the sound of intermittent coughs and the ceiling fan whirring a little too loudly filled the air. A hushed voice at the next bed murmured words of reassurance as an old woman wept silently, drawing short breaths through a breathing tube. Jinyoung opened his eyes and looked down at the pallid and pale man that lay on the bed in front of him. He looked emaciated and pitiful, and the younger boy would probably not have recognised him if not for a patient chart with a name on it.

“How have you been Jinyoung-ah? You look well, I’m glad”, the man croaked, uttering his words slowly with great effort.

Jinyoung’s face flickered with a brief look of scorn before he composed himself. The man’s faintly yellowed eyes were worn and distressed, his complexion haggard, making him look well beyond his years.

A wheeze escaped the older man as he tried to sit himself up. Jinyoung couldn’t help but think about how pathetic he looked, utterly different from how he remembered the man from years ago. The moment as clear as day in his mind, when the same man closed the front door of their apartment, not even sparing a second glance to the sobbing woman and young enraged teenaged boy he left behind.

He remembered how he looked out his window hatefully at the man who strode across the carpark in a slick black suit, suave, confident, as Jinyoung always remembered him to be. He never was close to his father, even from a young age, it was always him and his mom. His mom and him. They only had each other, where his father would often be on business trips, chasing after bigger dreams, bigger ambitions. He was never there from the start. Except for that one time in Jinyoung’s second year of high school, the man had come to his piano recital. The only time in his life his father ever was supposedly there for him, was seared in his memory. At the time, Jinyoung felt almost touched and softened just a little towards the man. But now, that seared memory only served to bring him pain, as if mocking his past, clueless self.

Jinyoung gritted his teeth, pulling his hand away when the man reached out to him.

“Jinyoung-ah, I’m so sorry that I caused you and your mom so much pain.”, the man hunched over slightly, fatigued from even the smallest movements.

Jinyoung laughed sardonically, spitting out that only after he was abandoned by his own mistress that he started looking for them again. He narrowed his gaze accusingly at the man in front of him, questioning his sincerity. The man could only look at him painfully. 

“I…I was young and stupid. At the time, I didn’t know what I had. I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. At that point in my life I just felt so suffocated, so I was desperate for anything, anything I thought that could be my ticket to freedom, and living like how I wanted. I didn’t know what I was doing Jinyoung-ah…and I’m so sorry.”, the man choked back on his tears as he buried his face in his hands, the bruises from constant needling scarred on his arms.

Jinyoung felt a stab in his chest as he spit back bitterly that even when the man tried to apologise he only ever makes it about himself.

“You selfish bastard.”, the younger man’s piercing gaze bore into the other who only continued to weep.

\--------------

_~ Fall, 1994 ~_

The rain poured down pitilessly, as a young woman wandered down an empty street, her school uniform drenched and her face distraught. She stepped in front of a white, single story clinic that stood almost callously in front of her. The sign flickered as she read the words. Her hands trembled, as she tried to swallow down the lump she felt in her throat.

_N-no…I can’t do this…_

She turned away from the building, and started to walk slowly away, her mind drawing a blank. As she walked further down, she noticed a conspicuous looking hatch jutting out of the side of a wall. She looked up at the building and stared for a long beat. Suddenly, a door creaked open as a tall elder in clerical clothing held out an umbrella, peering gently at her. His eyes were slightly droopy, his arms gangly and awkward but his gaze was tender and sympathetic as he looked at her wordlessly.

“Would you like to come in? You should get out of the rain, it’s not good for the little one too…”, he gazed down to her belly that was still not quite grown into a full swell.

\--------------

The elder priest placed a teacup on the glass table and sat in a small plastic chair. He looked at the young girl seated across the small table shivering and placed a warm towel over her head. She looked up at him as he smiled warmly at her, telling her to drink up. As soon as he said those words, she burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.

She wept and wept, the elder priest only looking on sadly at her.

“You should talk to him, talk to your family. It will be fine. You’re always welcome here you know.”

She nodded reluctantly, as he reached a hand out to untangle the pink pin dangling from a clump of her wet fringe. He placed it in her hand carefully and looked at her, flashing a kind smile the young girl will never forget.

\--------------

“He’s so beautiful…what will you name him?” the young girl’s sister cooed as she held the fragile infant in her arms, tenderly rocking him back and forth.

The young girl closed her eyes as she remembered the kind smile and warm words of the elder priest. A tear fell from her cheeks as a flood of emotions and gratitude overwhelmed her.

~~

\-------------- 

“Jinyoung-ie…”, the woman whispers as she enters the ward and steps towards the young man who was trembling. Her eyes were filled with remorse, feeling guilty of all the pain she felt she was responsible for.

“I-I’m sorry mom, I can’t do this. This is as much I can do for you.”, he turned to her, his eyes slightly reddened.

“It’s enough, Jinyoung-ie. This is more than enough. I’m sorry.”

Jinyoung winced at the words, telling her she softly that she has nothing to be sorry for. He sniffles and lets out a long exhale before leaving the ward. He shuts his eyes as he leaned back against the wall outside. A hand patted his shoulders gently.

“Hey, you ok?”, a voice asked, slightly concerned. He nodded lightly and opened his eyes.

“Yeah…thanks for coming with me, Beom-ah.”, he breathed a little easier at the sight of his friend.

“Yo no worries man, I’m kinda surprised you actually agreed to see him.”

Their focus shifted towards the ward as they stood by the pony wall that partitioned the corridor and shared ward. Jinyoung’s mom sat at the edge of the bed, gently helping the sickly man lay back down. Her rosary beads hung from her hands, that were clasped together, as she closed her eyes to make a prayer for the man. As soon as she opened her eyes, she gazed softly at the man, patting his hand lightly.

A sick feeling formed in the pit of Jinyoung’s stomach as he turned away.

“Yeah well…I really need to get back to work soon. Will you-”, his friend held his shoulder reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she gets home alright.”

“Thanks man, seriously.”, he smiled weakly.

\--------------

“Jinyoung-ie…wake up…you should really wash up first it’ll feel a bit better. Do you want me to bring some breakfast here?”, Jinyoung’s mother frowned, her voice laced with concern as she placed a hand on her son’s forehead.

He smiles at her and tells her he’s okay, he’ll eat at the table. She looked a little unconvinced but sighed, knowing how stubborn he could be.

“Should I take the day off?”

“Mom. I’ll be fine really, I just need to sleep it off.”

He staggered out weakly after his mom and crashed into the couch. The sounds of pots clanking and the hiss of vegetables sizzling lightly comforted his ears as he pulled his blanket over his head.

_Knock-knock._

“Ohh come on in, its unlocked!”, his mother calls out.

“Morning auntie…”

Jinyoung's eyes shot open. His felt his heart throb as he heard the familiar raspy voice.

“Jackseun-ah…you sound horrible! Have you been drinking again? Didn’t I tell you to stop drinking so heavily…”, his mom wiped her hands on her shirt as she popped her head over the kitchen counter to nag at the intruder.

“Yeah…heheh…sorry to make you worry. I’m trying, I guess I got a bit too wild last night after finishing my exams.”, Jackson rubbed his head sheepishly, flashing her his million-dollar smile.

“How was it?”

“It’s good I hope, crossing my fingers I won’t have to repeat another semester this time. HAHA.”, There it was, that hyena-like laughter Jinyoung was hearing more often.

“I'll pray for you.”, she turned to him, smiling reassuringly.

“Aww thanks auntie.”

Jinyoung peeked out of his blanket, watching Jackson comfortably walk over to the kitchen. He opened up drawers to take out cutlery and plates and sat himself down at the dining table as if it was his own home. Jinyoung scoffed at the domesticity that unfolded in front of him as he kicked off his blanket.

The sound caused Jackson to look out in surprise at the man sitting on the couch, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Oh, you're not working today?”, he said as he cocked an eyebrow, not even slightly perturbed by Jinyoung’s glare.

“Oh yes the poor boy…Jinyoungie's sick.”, Jinyoung’s mom turned her attention from the pan on the stove to Jinyoung and pouted.

_Awww Jinyoung-ie_. Jackson mouths at him half-mocking and pouting at him as well.

“Is this what goes on after I leave for work?”, he narrowed his gaze at the man in the kitchen, crouching down on the couch like a wary stray.

Jackson merely stabs at an egg roll and shoves it in his mouth, flashing a cheeky grin at him.

“I did say your mom makes some killer egg rolls, dude.”

“HAH I can't believe this, what are we a homeless shelter? Why are you feeding him!”

“You sound a little jealous there Jinyoung. Almost like you have a mommy complex.”, Jackson’s voice was laced with fake-worry.

“I do not have a mommy complex!”, he hissed back at Jackson who kept on chomping down on his breakfast, clearly enjoying pushing the other man’s buttons.

“He does seem to have a mommy complex, doesn’t he?”, His mom sighs, “I'm a little worried for him sometimes.”, Jinyoung was speechless. He couldn’t tell if his mother was joking or not sometimes.

“Yeah, I can see why.”, he turned to scrunch his face at Jinyoung whose face was agape, totally at a loss for words.

_These two really just…_

“I'm so glad you're here actually Jackseun-ah. I'm a little worried about him can you take care of him while I'm at work today?”, she looks at Jinyoung, her voice laced with genuine concern.

“I don’t need him to take care of me.”, Jinyoung muttered.

“Sure! I'm done with classes for now anyway.”, the man turned to Jinyoung, grinning widely, riling him up.

“You! Wha- Don't just agree so flippantly!”

“Thanks sweetie.”

Jinyoung sighed in frustration. Were these two deliberately trying to cause him a massive brain haemorrhage?

\--------------

The two men sat awkwardly on the couch, a little too close to each other. Jackson fiddled around with the remote as the tv blared softly in the background, having lost interest in the program. He stole a glance at the man wrapped in a blanket right beside him.

“Sooo…are you like ok? Do you need some food or something?”, he turned, the close proximity causing him to breathe in the other man’s ear a little. It caused Jinyoung to flinch a little. Just a little.

“No, I just ate remember.”

“Right right…then, are you cold?”

“Will you stop blabbering in my ear so much?”, Jinyoung snapped at him, wrapping his blanket around himself a little tighter. He was feeling a little chilly and shivered slightly, which did not escape Jackson’s notice.

“Alright alright….”, Jackson raised his hands up slightly in defense.

“You know…body heat is the best way to warm up though…” Jackson stretched out his hands at the exasperated man who scoffs at him.

“Aw c’mon it’s not like we've never hugged before.”, he nudged Jinyoung, causing the other to choke back on his saliva.

“Dude, your reaction makes it seem like we did something scandalous man.”

“I’m not hugging you.”, he turned his head away in defiance and wrapped his blanket around himself tighter.

“You seemed to love it though”, the other man sighed and pouted.

“Shut up!”, Jinyoung glared at him, hitting him in the chest.

“Oof-fine fine, relax, you're gonna raise your temperature back up at this rate.”, he murmured, feeling the forehead of the flustered man next to him.

“Here, at least rest for a while ok, why are you so tense even when you're sick?” Jinyoung tried to protest as Jackson pulled him down to lay on his lap. “Think of it as payback.” He flashed another cheeky grin, as Jinyoung stared up at his face in shock.

“I’m tense because of you. Idiot.” He mumbled, turning his head to face away, though he didn’t get back up even after the other man let go of his shoulder.

Jackson cooed at him “Alright, alright it’s my fault, I’m sorry.” He rubbed Jinyoung’s back soothingly, causing the other man to slowly relax into his thighs. Jackson switched off the television and closed his eyes. As he leaned back into the couch, he hummed that familiar tune again.

“What’s that song?”

“Hmm?”

“You sing it quite often. It sounds familiar.”

“Ohh, my mom used to love this song a lot. It’s an English song but it’s pretty popular so I think you've probably heard it before.”

Jackson hummed it again, this time murmuring the lyrics melodically in that low, husky voice of his.

Jinyoung was slowly lulled into a deep slumber, soothed by the voice which grew a little wistful as the song continued and a comforting hand gently rubbing against his back.

\--------------

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy

If you will only say the same

But if you leave me and love another

You'll regret it all someday"

\- Jimmie Davis, You Are My Sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case anyone doesnt know, the hatch is for abandoned babies. it was a little inspired by an article I read about a very kind man who made this in his church some years ago.


	3. Page 3, Amen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung struggles to understand his growing feelings. Jackson is not helping by being such a tease. Also Youngjae knows whats up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw don't even question what kind of academic calendar jackson's university operates on. maybe a quarter system? idk. HAHA. kbye.

\-------------  


“You are my sunshine…mhmhmhmhmm…”, the man hummed as he pulled up his woolen scarf to his face.

An autumn breeze blew past as the golden glow of the setting sun caused him to squint a little. He looked down at his shoes that caused the dry, browning leaves littered on the pavement beneath his feet to crackle with each step he took. Subconsciously letting out a small sigh, his mind wandered towards thoughts of a man with light brown locks, whose hyena-like laughter seemed like a distant memory. _How dramatic._ The man thought to himself wryly. For almost a month now, Jackson had gone home to China during the school break, making the time Jinyoung fell asleep in his lap the last time he saw the man. 

When Jinyoung woke up, he found himself tucked comfortably in his bed, with a post-it note stuck to his forehead. 

_‘Morning sunshine, hope you feel better soon. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye so don’t miss me too much kay._

He was confused at first and slightly annoyed at the placement of the post-it note. But he didn’t miss the way his heart felt a slight pang when his mother told him that Jackson wouldn’t be around during the break. Not that he would miss the man of course, that would be ridiculous. He was probably feeling a chest pain from his flu.

Jinyoung looked up, spotting a distant figure sauntering slowly ahead of him. He recognised the black leather jacket with the slightly faded sheen and the large duffel bag the man in front of him held. He didn’t know why, but he started to match his steps to the figure in front of him as the pain in his chest that he felt once every so often the past few weeks disappeared. As the man walked into the lift lobby of their apartment complex, he started to hasten his steps. 

_What am I doing?_

He pressed the lift button and looked up at the small digital screen, indicating that the lift was coming down from the roof. 

_…Huh?_

An uncomfortable thought gnawed at his brain as he went into the lift, his fingers hesitating between level 3 and the roof. He bit his bottom lip as he pressed a button. 

As he stepped out of the lift, he felt his body moving towards the fire exit door in a slight panic, his heart trembling slightly. 

His eyes widened in shock the moment he burst the door open. 

  
  
“JACKSON-AH!”, he called out as he sprinted forward, causing the man sitting dangerously on the short ledge of the roof the whip his head back in surprise. 

Without thinking, Jinyoung pulled the man, who had opened his mouth to say something, back with all his might. The two of them fell down with a loud thud as Jackson laid with his back cushioned on the other man’s chest. Jinyoung winced from the impact of the hard concrete beneath him. The man still lying on him gaped in shock as he darted his eyes to the side to look at the man beneath him. 

“Uhhh, Jinyoung-ah? What are you doing?”, he asked as he slowly sat back up and he turned to face the man still laying down and groaning breathlessly. 

“I…ugh…should…be asking you that? What the hell were you doing?”, Jinyoung shot his eyes open, allowing the other man to see the distress in his eyes. Jackson couldn’t help but burst out in a small laughter.

“Wait, did you think I was gonna jump or something?”, he asked in confusion, causing the other man to slowly realise that he probably just did something incredibly unnecessary and not to mention, fucking embarrassing. 

_Fuck…fuck, what the hell did I just do?_

Jackson’s face widened into a huge grin that the other man really wanted to smack off. 

“Awww…I didn’t know you loved me that much Jinyoung-ie.”, he cooed playfully. Jinyoung hated that tone the man was starting to use more and more with him. 

“S-shut up…I don’t…love…urgh THEN WHY WERE YOU SITTING THERE LIKE THAT? Do you even know how dangerous it is, don’t! Do…that…okay…”, he spluttered, as he whipped his head to the side and cringed to himself.

He didn’t have the strength to get up so he continued laying down there, _also did he mention he felt really, really fucking embarrassed?_

“Hahah…Don’t worry okay? I won’t ever jump...I already made a promise to someone anyway, and I intend to keep it.”, he continued grinning at the man who now covered his eyes with this forearm. 

“What? Who?”, Jinyoung blurted out, mentally slapping himself for not thinking before he opened his big mouth.

“Haha, hmmm…a very special woman I guess?”, Jackson wondered thoughtfully, before laying back down beside the man who hadn’t budged an inch. Jinyoung felt the chest pain return back, that pang in his heart starting to irritate him. 

Jackson let out a long sigh, a troubled look took over his face. 

“But Jinyoung-ah…do you ever feel like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing with your life sometimes?”, the man who had his eyes covered with his forearm peered curiously towards his neighbor who now lay beside him. Jinyoung opened his mouth but paused for a moment.

“Yeah…I feel that all the fucking time.”, he replied in a matter of fact tone. He shrugged his shoulders as if it was no big deal, causing the other to relax and crow out in that familiar hyena-like laughter. The laughter Jinyoung would never admit to anyone he kind of missed. 

They both laid there, staring up at the darkening sky, now deep in thoughts of their own.

“Hey…my mom said she was gonna make some egg rolls today…you wanna come over for dinner?”

“Yupe, I know”

“What? How do you even-”

“She called me when I reached the airport…said she was making them to celebrate my return.”

“Ugh…whose mom is she…”

“Jinyoung-ie, you really should get some help for your mommy complex, I think it’s getting out of hand- OW”

Jackson felt a pinch in his side as he turned to grin cheekily at the fuming man beside him. 

“I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING COMPLEX”

“Hahaha…okay okay. Whatever you say, _Jinyoung-ie”_

After a brief moment of silence, Jackson was startled by the soft, absentminded humming of the man beside, recognising the tune of the song he once sung for the other man. He felt a dull ache in his chest and shut his eyes. 

A long faded memory of the sound of waves crashing into the shore, once distant, now pervaded his thoughts. 

_Mom…hic…wahhhhh…hic..mommy!!_

_Jackson…I’m here Gaga…shhh…shhh…it’s okay, you’re okay now._

_The young boy shivered as the woman wrapped a warm towel around his scrawny body. He sobbed and coughed out drops of seawater as a crowd of onlookers gathered around to see the commotion. A lifeguard whistled, motioning the curious bystanders to move back._

_I’m here Gaga, I’ll always be right here with you._

A tear streamed down the man’s cheek as he looked up at the now twilight sky.

“Ah, the sun is gone…”, he whispered to himself. 

“Yeah, it’s getting pretty late…we should head back soon.” Jinyoung replied, he had his eyes closed but he heard him.

It was a soft whisper but Jinyoung heard him, Jinyoung would always hear him from now on.

\-------------  
  
Throngs of students chattered loudly in the bustling cafeteria, as a very chic and well-dressed young man seated across from Jinyoung discreetly tried to cover his face, snarling at the unperturbed archival officer who casually munched on his meal. 

A few students passing by their table whispered and gawked among themselves as they recognized the man who had his hair gelled back today. 

“Yah…why are we here?”

“You said you wanted to talk.”, Jinyoung glanced up to him before returning his full concentration back to the salad bowl in front of him. “Unlike a certain someone who can’t even tell if its Wednesday or Thursday, I work regular hours and right now I’m starving because its lunch”, he uttered each word as if it were a matter of fact. But well, it was. 

“But he’s here!”, his friend whined.

“Look, I can’t help it that he goes to school where I work can I? Besides I think you’ve been ignoring him enough since your promotions ended.”, Jinyoung sighed at his friend with pity.

“OH! JINYOUNG-IEEE!”, the archival officer cringed at the voice calling out from afar, completely losing his cool façade that he had been maintaining all this while. “Look, I didn’t want to come here too but you said you needed to talk right now, so here we are okay.”, he snarled at his friend who was slightly confused at his change in demeanour. 

“Wowww, this is rare, I never see you in the cafeteria for lunch!”, the man strutted happily over to the two men, abandoning his group of friends who were queuing at the food order machine.

“Because I know you’d be here.”, Jinyoung muttered, causing the other to pout. “How cold, Jinyoung-ie”. 

Jinyoung’s friend cocked an eyebrow at the familiar banter between the two men in front of him. The unknown man turned to gaze at him, smiling brightly.

“Oh, hi Jinyoung’s friend-ohhhhh wait a minute! You’re Im Jae Beom! Jinyoung-ie you didn’t tell me you were friends with this genius!”, Jaebeom blushed, he was weak with compliments, causing his friend to groan. 

“Hi haha. Yeah I am…”

“Dude! I love your songs man, especially your new album!”

Jackson chattered on and on to the flustered man, taking a seat beside Jinyoung and slinging an arm around his shoulder as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Jinyoung stared back and forth at his neighbour and his friend with a glazed look as they started talking more and more comfortably, impressed at the way Jackson managed to break down the barriers of his normally closed off friend.

“WHAT! YOU LIKE KIM YUGYEOM?”, Jackson gasped dramatically, causing the man beside him to roll his eyes as he threw a crumpled napkin into his empty bowl. 

“Shh…”, Jaebum desperately waved at the man to calm down. 

“Oh my God…that’s so cute!!! Why don’t you just confess to him?”, Jackson squealed punching the arm of a now very irritated Jinyoung. 

The exasperated man started listing a string of a million scenarios that could go terribly wrong if he ended up confessing. The two men in front of him looked at each other and tutted simultaneously at the unexpected insecurities of the outwardly chic Im Jae Beom. 

“What if he leaves the band?”

Jinyoung’s eyes glinted after spending the past few minutes utterly bored by the same narrative he heard a million times.

“Then you can be _jus1_.”, he smirked, almost a little too pleased with himself. The man beside him who was equally unimpressed at Jaebeom’s wishy washy behaviour snickered, pursing his lips to hold back a bigger laughter.

“Hahahaha…alright I’m sorry. I’m kidding alright.”, he said playfully to his unamused friend glaring at him. “That’s not very funny Jinyoung-ah.”, the archival officer merely shrugged his shoulders, unaffected by the daggers in the man’s eyes. 

“Hey c’mon, he did say he was _juskidding_.”, Jackson chimed in, causing Jinyoung to lean towards his shoulder and burst out into giggles. He slapped Jackson’s chest, who watches him a little too sweetly with a satisfied smile. 

Jaebeom cocked an eyebrow at the exchange.   


  
\-------------

  
As the two men walk across the asphalt grounds of the visitor parking compound, one of them steals little glances at the other.

“What is it?”, Jinyoung eyed his friend suspiciously. 

“I’m just curious…what’s up with you and Jackson?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I’ve never seen you so open with anyone before, so I was a little shocked I guess?”

“We’re…we’re just friends.” His voice trailed off, a little uncertain of himself. “Besides, you’re not exactly very open either you know.”, Jinyoung retorted, giving his friend another glazed stare. 

“You know that’s not what I mean.”, his friend replied carefully, hesitating before speaking again. “You’ve not touched anyone so easily since high school.”

“Let’s not talk about that shit anymore.”, Jinyoung’s jaw clenched at that last line. 

“I’m sorry…”, his friend looked on thoughtfully.

“But Jinyoung-ah, I am glad you’re finally opening up yourself again…It’s a good thing.” 

  
  
\-------------

With his fingers clacking on the computer keys methodically, Jinyoung thought about what his friend said to him earlier after lunch. Thoughts of his neighbor ran through his mind, the moment Jackson drunkenly hugged him and then proceeded to puke on his ugly sweater, that screechy laugh when he successfully annoyed Jinyoung, his raspy voice whenever he was saying something thoughtful…

“UGH.”, Jinyoung groaned, banging his head onto his desk. A face peered at him from the side of his monitor. “Hyung, you’ve been banging your head a lot these days…”

  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it…what happened with your blondie? You’ve been pretty quiet about it.”

  
  
“Oh yeah…OH!! OH MY GOD HYUNG YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT. GUESS WHAT THAT PSYCHO DID!”

“Mhmm?”, Jinyoung mumbled, his face still smothered on his desk, he could always count on his lively junior to distract him from whatever shitstorm he faced.

Youngjae waves his arms around the room incredulously as he reenacted how since the day he slapped his neighbor, he started receiving flowers at his door. Just last night, his weird neighbor got down on his knee and confessed to him, saying that it was the best slap he received in his life and that he liked them fiesty. 

“Can you even believe it hyung? Hyung, should I just call the cops on him?”, Youngjae pushed back up his glasses and plopped back down his seat in a huff. 

Jinyoung pouts his lips as he turned his head to face the wall, still leaning on his table. 

“Youngjae-ah…what does it mean to love?”, stunning his junior who then shrugged his shoulders.

“Hmm, I guess it’s being able to be yourself around each other…and feel like, so completely at ease that you don’t even realise it sometimes?”

“Then I don’t think its love right, if you also always feel like smacking him?”

The younger man paused thoughtfully.

“No, smacking can be a type of love too, I guess.”

“Does that mean you could love that weirdo?”  


  
“HELL NO.”

  
  
\-------------

The next day, Jinyoung found himself standing in the cafeteria again. This time without his friend in tow. 

_What am I doing here..._

He muttered to himself, turning back to walk out. As he passed by a table of two men huddled together in a serious conversation in his periphery, he darted his eyes to focus on them when a familiar and distinct musky scent wafted through his nose. Then, his ears perked up at a thick accented speech manner he had heard before. He stopped subconsciously and backtracked, his back still facing the two men he passed.

  
  
"You guys aren't fucking? No way! Then why are you hanging out with a nerd like him?"

  
  
"Can you not talk so loudly… And no, we're not fucking…he's…he's a church boy man, so I doubt it'll ever happen."

  
He eyed his friend who suddenly fell silent and stared with his mouth clamped shut at something behind his back. “Why, what’s wrong?”

  
  
"Uhhh, Jack…"

  
  
Jackson turned around and widened his eyes at the man crossing his arms behind him.

  
  
"J-Jinyoung-ie? what are you doing here?"

  
  
"You were saying something about a church boy?"

  
  
\-------------

  
_…Father, please help us all to live chaste and disciplined lives. We pray for our children that they would be protected from the snares of this evil and sinful world…_

  
  
As he squirmed uncomfortably in the pew, Jinyoung muttered to himself at the current situation he was in, something that he was doing a lot more of these days. He was utterly baffled as he kept glancing at the two people he was wedged in between. Jackson was on his left, with his brows furrowed, like he was actually listening and his mother was seated on his right, her hands clasped together in fervent concentration.

  
  
_…We pray for our young people. Father, let them find godly life partners. Let them be diligent about keeping pure before marriage. Give them strength to do that. We pray for our older singles..._

  
  
Jinyoung narrowed his eyes at the man beside him and leaned in to whisper into the man’s ear, breaking the other’s concentration. 

“Remind me again why you are here?”

  
  
“I’m here trying to convince you I have nothing against church boys.”

  
  
“I’m not a fucking church boy, stop calling me that.”, Jinyoung spitted back a little too loudly, earning a condescending look from the elder seated in front of him. 

He felt a smack on his back, causing him to turn to his mother, eyeing her as if he had been wronged. The woman merely retracted her hand and clasped them together again, her eyes still shut. 

  
  
_…Father, we pray for the husbands and wives among us. We pray that the marriages here in our church would be strong and healthy…_

“Anyway, I don’t care what you think about me.”, Jinyoung was relentless, as the other finally turned to him, smirking.

  
  
“Really? ‘Cause it seemed to me you cared a pretty great deal considering how you stormed off and bailed on me before I could explain myself.”

“I didn’t storm off, I-I had to get back to work.”

“Sure, a book club emergency or something right?”  


  
“I- ugh”, Jinyoung gave up.

  
  
_Amen._

  
  
“Amen.”, Jackson repeated, winking at the exasperated man beside him. 

  
  
As people started to scatter about, two men scanned the hall, looking for Jinyoung’s mother who disappeared. Jinyoung groaned as he recognised the woman his mother was talking to across the hall. He tried to pull onto Jackson to leave but was too late when his mom noticed him, pointing to his direction. Jackson gave a curious look at the man beside him who started fidgeting and ducking his head.

  
  
“Yo what’s your deal-”

  
  
“Jinyoung-goon!”

  
  
“Ugh. Shit too late.”, Jinyoung forced the fakest smile Jackson saw yet. He turned to glance at the lady approaching them who was causing Jinyoung so much agitation. He noted with an amused stare that she was probably dressed a little too lavishly for a Sunday sermon.

“How are you darling! It’s been awhile since we saw you around.”, she laughed airily.

“Hi Mrs Yoon. Yeah hahaha I’ve been a little busy these days…”

  
  
Jackson gave Jinyoung an “Oh really?” look, who snarled at him in return.

“I see I see, oh my how you've grown.” She started patting his chest, causing Jackson to snort. She notices the man beside Jinyoung but ignores him completely. “You know my daughter is also getting very pretty these days, she's even gotten herself a job at S corporation ohohoh.”

  
  
_Ohohoho_ , Jackson mouthed at the man beside him, earning himself a sharp pinch in the arm. 

  
  
“Anyway, i'd like to introduce you to her someday.”

  
  
“Haha I’m honoured, really, but I uh don’t think I can, I’m uhhh…seeing someone these days.”, he shot a quick glance at the man beside him who was busy grinning, pleased as a punch, at the entertainment standing in front of him.

  
  
“Really? Your mom told me you weren't seeing anyone though.”

  
  
“Haha yeah well, my mom doesn’t know everything about me I guess.”

  
  
The lady continued to bore Jinyoung with more small talk that he could give two fucks about before he finally managed to get her off his back, when she was called on by an annoyed elder gentleman, presumably her husband. She waved daintily at Jinyoung before sashaying off, ignoring Jackson who didn’t seem to mind the neglect at all.

  
  
Jackson nudged the man beside him, who looked utterly drained from the exchange.

  
  
“You're not seeing anyone, liar, why don’t you meet her?”, he whispered into his ear, his hot breath clearly had an impact on Jinyoung who felt his heart quiver. 

“Who knows you might end up liking her. And then your Sundays would be a nice little slice of domesticity. Maybe she'll do a little cooking while you manage your book club emergencies, go to church together and maybe have a nice little afternoon delight at home afterwards... _Missionary position of course_.”, still crooning playfully into Jinyoung's now reddening ear. Jackson was not unaware of the effect he had on the man right then. 

  
  
“Fuck off.”, Jinyoung growled softly, he was really just about done with the other. He felt something bubbling over in his heart, but he couldn’t really say for certain what it was.

  
  
“What? You don't like the missionary position? I quite like it though, very vanilla…but very romantic.”

  
  
Jackson smirked at Jinyoung devilishly.

  
  
Jinyoung didn’t know about love. But at that moment, he knew one thing. That he had a strong urge to smack the smug man who had an arm slung around his shoulder, laughing like a hyena. 

  
\----------------------  
  
"Smacking can be a type of love too, I guess"   
\- Choi Young Jae, at N University library archival office 2B.


	4. Page 4, Although I was raised with love...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung recalls bitter memories. Bambam notes that Jackson has changed a little. Jackson makes a startling confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, been a lil busy. But no worries, I'm still writing this story pretty regularly. All I can say is...damn Jinyoung, thas some fucked up shit man.

\-----

Jinyoung stared blankly at the grey wall ahead, screams and wails softly echoed from the room towards his right as he shut his eyes, digging his fingernails into his palms. He looked out of place wearing a pink pullover with white cream pants in a sea of black clad people shuffling along the corridor past him. He got up from the cold metallic bench he sat on and peeked through the room down his left. It was a stark contrast to the cries and masses of mourners streaming in and out of the other rooms, it was utterly silent. Save for three people, two of them being his mother and his aunt, the room was completely bare. His aunt gently patted his mother’s back, who was facing away from him, as she leaves a single lonely carnation on the altar.

A small white wreath of orchids hung on the wall above it. A framed photograph of a younger man, smiling confidently sat in the middle of the altar. A smile quite like Jinyoung’s own. An uncanny resemblance that made Jinyoung feel a little queasy as he turned his head away in disgust. He watched as his mother gradually turned back to face him, her face wistful and pensive. He felt a sharp pain in his heart as he clenched his jaw tightly. His aunt spoke in a hushed tone to the third person in the room, a man seated on the floor, drinking heavily. Jinyoung doesn’t recognize the man. His father didn’t have any family, but the man seemed greatly affected by his father’s death. He didn’t ask though, as his aunt comes out of the room looking at him with a burdened expression. He didn’t ask and he didn’t want to know.

\-----

Jackson laid on his bed, scrolling through his social media feed as he received message after message from an assortment of people asking him where he was.

_Jackson!!! You’re not coming to the party?_

_Hey dude, where are you?_

Jackson was tired, he’s sick of being the fucking entertainer for the night. That night, he just wanted to lie down on his bed and do absolutely nothing, what was so wrong with that? He flicked his finger away at the latest message, irritated, but accidentally opened it instead.

_Whats wrong Jackson? Are you sick?_

He rolled his eyes and tossed his phone to the side. Does he have to be sick if he didn’t feel like clowning around?

He sighed, staring at the white ceiling, paint chipping off. The sound of a tiny robot vacuum whirring filled the air of an otherwise bleak and lonely apartment.

“Pewpew…you’re the only one who understands me…”, he pouts, turning to his side as he watched his little electronic friend whiz back and forth the small and cramped apartment, failing to navigate through the mess that lay around his floor.

_Knock knock._

Jackson looked at his door, startled. He never had any visitors before except for Mark. He hadn’t told anyone at school where he lived since he moved out from the dorm. No one except his ex, who pestered him incessantly when they were on a break for a millionth time. He rolled his eyes.

“Ugh that idiot and his big mouth…” he muttered as he stalked grumpily, accidentally kicking Pewpew in the process.

He opened the door ready to unleash a tirade but only gaped and widened his eyes in disbelief at the sight in front of him.

“Jinyoung-ie…”

Tears ran down the man’s cheeks as he sobbed uncontrollably, his head hanging to face the floor. The man splutters that he’s sorry but he didn’t know who else to go to. Jaebum wasn’t answering his phone, and his mom was home and…

“shhhh…shh, hey hey, its ok.”, Jackson murmured, placing his hands to cup Jinyoung’s face, who haltingly looked up in response. Jackson felt a pang in his heart. He’d never seen the man in such great distress before. His face twisted as he pulled Jinyoung into an earnest hug, stroking the man's hair gently as he collapsed into Jackson's chest, sobbing loudly.

\--------------

“Do you take sugar?”

“Uh…uh a little…” the man sniffled, who was finally starting to calm a little.

Jinyoung was curled up on his neighbour’s bed as Jackson pulled a foldable desk towards the man, placing a mug on a heavily tattered textbook that sat on it. The faint, woody scent of chamomile pacified Jinyoung a little. Or maybe it was that musky scent that he was slowly growing accustomed to.

Jackson whipped out a crumpled plastic package from the creaking cabinet of what vaguely looked like a kitchen area in the corner of the single room apartment. The plastic was slightly yellowed and stained with clumps of something that resembled coffee powder. Jinyoung’s gaze followed the man’s every move intently through his reddened eyes as he hugged his knees to his chest, leaning his chin on his forearm. He trembled as he sniffled again.

He watched as Jackson used a plastic spoon to stir the sugar in, the tea swirling around in the cup. Swirling and swirling to no fucking end.

\-----

_~Spring, 2011~_

“Ms Lee is pretty cool, isn’t she? I didn’t know she volunteered with the peace corps dude. How fucking cool is that?”

“Yeah…pretty fucking cool I guess”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No…it’s just you’ve been all Ms Lee this Ms Lee that for the past fucking hour, so yeah, I’m just pretty sick of hearing about her is all”

Jinyoung sneers at the remark of his unimpressed friend and turns away, flipping the pages of his music file as he sits on the wooden bench of the upright piano.

Jaebeom sighed at his sulking friend, and peered suspiciously.

“Do you like her or something?”

“NO...I don’t ….” Jinyoung stammers, blushing slightly, as his friend tutted at his useless crush.

“Forget it Jinyoung-ah she’s unattainable. You do know that she’s a teacher, right?”

“I’m not a fucking idiot.”

“Alright yeah yeah, you’re a fucking genius. Now can we just be done with this? I really wanna get home to Nora, she’s going to get hungry.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes as he sits up straight and leans slightly forward. His fingers presses against the keys, repeating a refrain as his friend practices variations of the same verse. Jinyoung’s mind wanders off as he repeats the second verse over and over for his perfectionist friend. He knew she was a teacher, he knew it was just a silly crush. But he couldn’t help but notice that she always seemed to treat him a little…differently, she was always extra nice to him, asking about his family and his life at home whenever she saw him. She never did that to Jaebeom and ask about freaking Nora or anything. He sighed in frustration, was it really just a silly boyish fantasy he was cooking up? His friend’s disapproving gaze misses him completely as he continued to mull obssesively, nursing his poor, confused heart.

\-----

The boy is nervous as he stares out in the audience, the teacher behind him looks like he wants to get over with this night soon as he mutters impatiently to Jinyoung to get his ass out there. Jinyoung fidgets as he walks out to the stage, the crowd still restless and murmuring among themselves. He sits down at the grand piano, while his friend stands at the edge of the stage mic in hand mouthing his lines in deep concentration. Jinyoung scans the crowd for his mother, and nods happily at the woman who always has a warm smile waiting for him. He gaped slightly and drew a short breath at the figure seated beside her, slightly taken aback and not really believing what he saw.

His dad was there, impeccably dressed as always, maybe a little too well-dressed for an informal school performance. His heart quivers a little, from the torrid anticipation of his performance and the fact that the man who didn’t even make it for any of his school graduation ceremonies was seated right there. Beside his mom. He subconsciously makes a timid wave, but quickly pulls back when he realizes where he was.

His dad doesn’t notice though, instead smiling at someone seated in the teacher's row. Jinyoung curiously peers to the teachers but he can’t get a good look, the bright stage lights blinding his gaze to the front rows. At that moment, he was a little content. He was just pleased that his dad was finally there. That was all it took for the 17-year old Jinyoung. That was all there was to it.

\-----

_Oh my god, its him isn’t it…_

_Dude it’s like a fucking drama!_

_Shit it was his dad and Ms lee?_

_Is it really true?_

_I think so! I heard Mr Choi gossiping over at the teacher’s lounge when I went in to return the logbook._

_Oh my god…he still came today? if I were him I wouldn't be able to come to school anymore._

_Me too I’d rather transfer schools…_

_Lol I would move to a different country!_

Jinyoung winces as he walks stiffly down the corridor, painfully aware of whispers and gawking from students around him.

His nostril flare slightly as he presses his lips in a thin line, reluctantly sliding open the classroom door. The excited chatter immediately falls silent as he felt eyes following his every movement. Pity, amusement, wonder. He feels sick.

He sits at his seat by the window and hunches forward, clenching his fists on the table in front of him. A hand on his shoulder caused him to jerk and snarl slightly, he turns with a glare that softens as he realises it was just Jaebeom sitting behind him. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern, ignoring an annoyed junior telling him to get out of his seat. Jinyoung relaxes at the consoling hand of his friend squeezing his shoulder as he turns to look out the window, fighting back tears.

The classroom door whips open and shut a little too harshly as a voice booms throughout the class room, causing the students to disperse back into their seats.

_Alright class, I'm your new homeroom teacher from now on. For those who don't know me I'm…_

Jinyoung stares out at the janitor in the courtyard, obsessively fixated on his movements. The elder gentleman was listlessly splashing water into the common tap area. A sweet, almost hypnotizing honey-like voice taunted his ears.

_Jinyoung-goon? You don’t look so well today…the air is pretty bad lately, take care of your throat okay._

The warm hand with a faint scent of rose, gently pats on his shoulder as he looks up at the woman, his heart fluttering a little.

_Jinyoung-goon, how’s everything at home? Is your mother well?_

The sight of his mother weeping and begging his father to reconsider his decision flashed through Jinyoung’s mind, making his chest tighten. 

_Is your mother well, Jinyoung-goon?_

The honey-like voice taunts him continuously. Over and over again. Mocking his silly schoolboy fantasies, making him feel like tearing out his hair as a knot swells up in his chest. The sight of his frantic mother, holding desperately onto the arm of the cold man, scent lingering of that godforsaken rose perfume filled his mind. Her pleas, haunting Jinyoung relentlessly.

_Darling...t-think about Jinyoung-ie. How…how can you do this to him? You’re not…you’re not thinking this through. Let’s think about it properly hmm?_

Jinyoung’s eyes was still fixated at the repetitive, languid movements of the janitor outside the courtyard, water pouring out from his pail gushing and swirling and swirling.

Jinyoung felt nauseated, feeling the breakfast his mom forced him to eat reach the back of his throat. 

_OH MY GOD! MR CHOI, Jinyoung…_

_EW, nasty…_

He retched over and over again till there was nothing left, as the water continued to swirl around the drain before slowly disappearing into the dark, cold abyss beneath.

~~

\-----

“Wow what a…selfish bastard.”, the words slipped carelessly out of Jackson’s mouth as the man seated still curled up in his knees slowly recounted every last bit of the torment and shame he felt during his second year of high school. The man gazed back up at Jackson with a pained look.

“Its funny…those were my last words to him…”

“Oh…I'm sorry I-”, Jackson stammered, wanting to kick himself.

“Nah…it’s the fucking truth anywa-”, the man choked out weakly.

Jackson furrowed his brows sadly at the man beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist, rubbing his back in an effort to console the other. Jackson felt an ache in his chest that gnawed at him callously. An ache from feeling helpless that he couldn’t do anything to relieve the immense pain the man experienced. Jinyoung sighed, exhausted as he closes his eyes and unconsciously leans into Jackson’s shoulder. The warm comforting shoulders of his neighbor soothed him as the soft vibrations of a low, raspy hum emanating from the man’s chest rung through his ears. A familiar tune that instantly comforted Jinyoung whenever he heard it causes him to relax a little. A familiar tune that comforted him especially more so when he heard it from a certain someone. He opened his eyes sluggishly when he realized the humming had trailed off.

“Hey…by the way, what’s your relationship with Jaebeom-hyung? Like how long have you actually known him…”

“Huh? Well…since forever I guess? We used to be neighbours in the small town we grew up and our mothers sort of were like besties I guess…”, Jinyoung adjusted his head to face up his neighbour who avoided his gaze. He still continued to lean on Jackson’s shoulder as his eyed the man curiously.

“Huh…wow…that’s…that’s nice…”, Jackson mumbled, his eyes darting off to the side in a glaze.

“Why? Are you jealous or something?”, Jinyoung teases, confused at the man’s strange expression.

“Yeah.”, Jackson suddenly turns back to face him, startling him.

“Huh?”

“I’m really jealous honestly. I wish I was born beside you too.”, Jackson stared deeply, eyes a little somber, into the widening eyes of the man who was still leaning on his shoulders.

“W-wha…”, Jinyoung was flustered. “what are you saying…” He lifted his head from the other man’s shoulders who merely looked at him with a pout in return.

“I don’t know…I kind of wish I met you earlier. Maybe…I wouldn’t have felt as lonely as I did.”

“You were lonely?”

“Yeah…what? you make it sound like it’s unbelievable.”

“I mean it kind of is…you’re always. You’re always surrounded by people you so it just-”

“Yeah…that’s true…somehow, I think it felt worse…”, Jackson’s voice trailed off as his gaze hardened, staring at Pewpew who had given up on navigating the room.

Also, Pewpew ran out of battery.

A pause lingered before Jinyoung blurted out, as if realizing something odd.

“But I would have made you feel less lonely?”

“Of course.”

“Wha-”, he gaped unbelievably at the bold response of the man beside him.

“Because you’re so fun to tease Jinyoung-ie”, the man realizing that he was making a difficult expression, forced himself to relax into a small grin.

“Ugh.”, Jinyoung rolled his eyes and turned away in annoyance.

Jackson chuckled. His heart lifted a little at seeing the troubled gaze of the other man soften. Even if it was just a little.

His hand that was rubbing the other man’s back trailed around the man’s waist and tightened, ever so slightly, as they stared at each other. One smiling sweetly while the other stared back incredulously at the shameless man beside him.

\-----

_Dear students, the library will be closing in fifteen minutes. Please remember to take all your belongings with you. Thank you._

Jackson walked out of the red brick building, sighing. The cold biting air prickled his skin as he zipped up his leather jacket uselessly. He cursed himself for only wearing a white t-shirt underneath. Form over function, or rather, fashion over function was an idiotic way to live. His eyes fell upon the reddening bare collarbone of his best friend in tow, who was yammering at him about something. _We really are a pair of idiots._

His friend was clearly upset at him over something, but Jackson was far away in his thoughts right now. These days a certain prickly archival officer, who had the best reactions in the world, filled his mind. That night, Jinyoung left his apartment after finishing the tea, leaving a slightly disappointed Jackson and his motionless electronic friend behind. Jackson was a little worried about the man, but it seemed that all was well, the next day at breakfast, or as well as it could be. Jinyoung’s mother was as amiable and sweet as she had always been. Jinyoung, however, uncharacteristically obliged his mother’s comments and requests, where he would usually balk at her and nag like an old woman.

The days that followed, Jackson didn’t see him though, as the man started leaving for work earlier and returning only late at night. Jackson on the other hand, had been busy pulling a couple of last-minute all-nighters with his project groupmates at school. He sighed again, this time pouting.

“HELLOOOOO JACK. EARTH TO JACK!”

“Huh?”

“Dude are you even listening to me? What am I even asking. Of course, you fucking aren’t.”

“Sorry, what was it you were asking again?”

“See, I wasn’t asking anything, I’m just saying you’re super out of it these days. And more importantly, you’re like a ballsack of unfun. What’s with you honestly?”, his friend whined.

“Whaaa- no way, I’m not a ballsack of unfun. I’m like a ballsack of super fun, what are you even talking about dude.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Then let’s go clubbing tonight.”

“Alright sure, I’ll show you what a huge ballsack of super fun I am you little shit.”

“Really?? FINAL-LEY!”

“Yeahh call up the guys and-”, Jackson’s focus shifted as his eyes darted across the huge lawn back towards the entrance to the library. “-and y’all go ahead and have fun, I’ll join you guys next time.” He patted the back of his speechless friend before running off.

“YOU’VE CHANGED HYUNG, YOU’RE JUST A FUCKING BALLSACK.”

Jackson ignored his best friend who stormed off in frustration, his attention now entirely on a weary bespectacled man whose hair ruffled messily in the cold biting wind. The cold biting wind that somehow no longer bothered Jackson.

“JINYOUNG-IEEEEEEEE!”

He sprinted across the lawn, which was overgrown and wily, and waved giddily at the man standing at the steps of the entrance. The man was flustered and looked away for a moment before waving back awkwardly.

_How cute_. Jackson thought. His heart was fluttering, and he knew exactly why. It hurt a little as much as it made him excited, as his insecurities starting gnawing away at his head. He waved them off as he stopped at the bottom of the steps to the entrance, looking up at the man, who was composed and sedated as he always was.

Jackson grinned and pouts cutely, causing the other man to blush a little, losing his composure ever so slightly.

“You're working late these days.”

“Yeah, we've got a platform to port our new filing system recently, the whole place has been a mess these few days.”, Jinyoung sighed as he trudged down the steps.

“I see.”, Jinyoung stopped in front of the shorter man and stared for a slightly long beat. A stare that Jackson thought he had mistaken. A yearning stare like he missed him…

_Nah._ Jackson was sure he was mistaken. The other man was probably just tired.

“How’s school?”

“Great. Can’t wait till the term ends, I'm ready to graduate honestly.”

“Haha, you'll wish you didn't say that once you actually do.”

“Really? Nahhh.”

They smile, hands brushing against each other as they walk side by side, their steps getting slower and slower, paces matching perfectly.

“Hey…”, the taller man blurted out with uncertainty, as the collar of his light brown trenchcoat flapped against his cheeks, muffling his words.

“What?”, Jackson turned curiously to face the other.

“Um…nevermind”, Jinyoung turned away, his ears red from the cold. Or so that’s what Jackson thinks.

“What just say it!”, Jackson was now slightly exasperated. He hated it when people did this to him.

“It’s kinda stupid”

“Oh, c’mon youre killing me with the suspense”

“It’s nothing really. I've just been curious about something…its really dumb but like ummm…who’s the special woman in your life?”

Jackson gaped for a moment, then smiled cheekily as if he was finally processing the implication of the question.

“Someone who's like an angel to me.”, he quipped unhesitatingly.

Jinyoung looked slightly disappointed. Or was Jackson just mistaken again?

“Just like you.”, he lets slip out, this time his voice a little softer.

The other man’s eyes widened at him, with an expression that was definitely shocked.

\-----

_Just like you._

Jinyoung furrowed his brows and flickered his pen obsessively as he stared out of the office window at the green lawn. His colleague cocked his head to the side of his monitor and noted that he was not banging his head again today. He continued staring out at the short, freshly clipped grass.

“What happened…with that weirdo?”, he asked, slightly distracted.

“Oh.”, his junior was less animated than he usually was whenever the subject was brought up. “I…kinda lashed out on him saying I was gonna call the cops on him. Then he just…he stopped I guess.”, he placed an arm around his neck sheepishly.

Jinyoung still hadn’t shifted his gaze as he lifted the back of the pen to his mouth, chewing on it absentmindedly.

“He looks like some hurt puppy each time we bump into each other that it makes me feel kinda guilty…Urgh, but why am I feeling guilty though? I didn’t do anything?!”, he continued, but he was now trying to reason out to himself more than anything.

“I kind of liked those flowers though…”, he mumbled, pouting his lips as he pushed up his glasses.

Jinyoung hummed softly, lost in his own thoughts as his gaze wandered off.

Then, his expression resolved into a firm decision.

He stopped flicking his pen obsessively.

\-----

"When was it I realized that, on this truly dark and solitary path we all walk, the only way we can light is our own? Although I was raised with love, I was always lonely."

\- Banana Yoshimoto, Kitchen.


	5. Page 5, The Little King.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson has a pair of angels in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I realised this chapter might have some mild triggers as it deals with depression and suicidal tendencies. I tried to be as sensitive as possible to this topic so I hope no one feels slighted by it!

\-----

_~ Summer, 2008 ~_

“Jackson, I’m sorry but you won’t be able to fence anymore. This…it’s just not possible…I’m very sorry kid.”, the man sighs, cladded in his slightly creased white lab coat with yellowed stains in the corners of his coat tail.

He turns his gaze from the x-ray charts illuminated on the wall to sympathetically eye the young boy. The young boy with big brown eyes that threatened to burst into tears at any moment.

His mother, who was seated beside him, squeezes his hand.

As they walk out of the hospital building, leaving behind the distinct scent that mocked the young boy’s helplessness, his mother turns to him and pouts her lips.

“Gaga shall we get some ice-cream? Mom really feels like having some right now.”

The boy nods weakly, staring a hole into his sneakers.

In an unassuming and freshly painted pink bricked ice-cream shop, on that hot and sweltering afternoon, a young boy bawls endlessly into his sundae bowl as he shoves large spoonfuls of ice cream into his mouth. 

His cries are young and impassioned. The cries of one whose entire world has collapsed, at the age, where every decision he makes and everything that happens to him has a feeling of finality attached to it.

A woman sits beside the boy, rubbing his back and humming her favourite song. Her untouched ice cream melts into a gooey, white puddle as she hums, melancholy laced in her voice and tears staining the corners of her eyes. 

\-----

_~ Summer, 2018 ~_

Jackson stares at his mother, once bright faced with her favourite rouge always blushing her cheeks and lips, now gaunt. Her lips slightly chapped and pale as she coughs weakly into her hands. Her straight long hair, of a deep black shade that had a sheen of luster was gone. Her patchy bald head was now covered with an orange beanie that showed the frail hunch of her shoulders and neck.

He holds her bony fingers in his large, warm ones, revealing the bruised needle marks at the back of her hand.

“Mom…shall we go get some ice cream?”

She beams, her pallid lips forming a weak smile as she nods.

They sit side by side on the white plastic barstools facing out of the huge window revealing the streets outside. Jackson fixates his eyes onto the people scattering and passing by the pink bricked building which was now faded and dirtied. The steps of the people outside seem to always be sure and urgent, with a purpose, a destination, a place to be.

The woman slowly bites into her cup of soft serve, the white cream staining her lips as she listens to the young man beside her, nervously confiding to her. His sundae bowl which was left untouched, was melting slowly. He continues his fixation on the street outside before swallowing down hard and turning to his mother.

His deep brown eyes soften as it meets her reassuring ones.

“Gaga…thank you for telling me this.”, she smiles, as her eyes narrow into a sunny squint.

“I…I’m sorry mom. I feel like I couldn’t keep this from you before you…I didn’t want to live a lie anymore. I’m so sorry I…”, he splutters, snot leaking, his voice laced with shame.

“…sweetheart…you know I will always love you no matter who you are. I just want you to be happy okay? Promise me you’ll be happy hmm?”, she tilts her head slightly as she reaches out to wipe away the tears from her son’s eyes.

“I…I’ll try.”

They continue to stare out the large window as Jackson feels something weigh down in his chest.

“You think dad will ever understand?”

“I don’t know dear, but I do know he loves you very much. Give him time. Time will heal everything.”, she murmurs soothingly.

\-----

_~ Winter, 2018 ~_

The sound of the heater buzzing fills the heavy silence of the large living room, the curtains are slightly drawn leaving the room dimly lit despite it being an uncharacteristically bright and crisp winter morning.

Although the room felt lifeless and unoccupied, there were three figures, dressed in somber shades of black, seated on the couch at that moment. Jackson’s father who was usually a jovial person and had a larger than life attitude just like him, now sat listlessly, layers of eyebags beneath his exhausted eyelids as he stares emptily at the blackened screen of the tv ahead of him. Jackson’s sister was curled up and weeping into the corner of the sofa while Jackson rubbed her back consolingly.

The grating buzz of the doorbell rings through the corridor prompting Jackson to loosen his tie and whip out his wallet to take out a wad of cash before tossing it onto the coffee table in front of him.

The older man sighs as he pushes down onto his thighs to get up, an ache in his legs from age catching up onto him.

“Sweetheart…let’s eat something okay? Hmm? Come on, we…we still have to go on.”, he taps gently onto the shoulder of the young woman, still curled up into the sofa. His voice is hoarse and weary as he relents when she doesn't respond.

His focus shifts to the wallet of his son laying open on the coffee table. In its plastic sleeve, was a faded picture of a family, slightly wet and tanned in the backdrop of a sand and waves breaking into the shore. A pleasant smile washed over their faces, one without care and worry. The man smiles wistfully as he picks it up, pulling out the photo in a gentle stroke.

A thin stack of polaroids behind it fall out as he does so, scattering across the table.

A photo of his son and Bambam on their first spring break trip, photos of his son in Korea where he was studying and then…his father’s face hardens as his eyes fall upon a single photo.

His gaze sharpens towards his son who was trudging back into the living room with take out in his hands. He held up the photo to the young man, whose eyes widened in panic.

“Ga Yee, w-what is this?”, his voice was a mixture of anguish and anger, as he bit into his trembling lips, watching his son drop the takeout.

“D-dad, I-”, Jackson croaks as his father crumples the photo and tosses it at his face. It falls to the ground, revealing his son and another man with beaming smiles in the backdrop of a dive bar. The man was kissing the cheek of his son. In the white frame below the image was a message written in English.

_Happy 1 st anniversary babe! Love you always, Mark._

\-----

“Uhhh, so this, is this like even legal man?”, Jackson eyed the very shady man standing beside him in an even shadier cramped apartment, he noted that one of the sides of the room was probably a hastily built dry wall that separated what was once a bigger apartment.

“Look you can take it or leave it, I’ve got other offers from people more desperate than you.”, the man dressed in a silk shirt with a gaudy pattern barked impatiently. 

“Alright, jesus relax. I’ll take it, I’m pretty desperate honestly.”, Jackson relents, reaching out to shake the man’s hand, whose palms were disgustingly sweaty and sticky.

\-----

Jackson sighed as he laid on the gigantic and rather lavish bed that looked out of place in the dingy apartment, after the last of what little furniture he had was moved in. The bed was of course, courtesy of Bambam, who was still salty about not being told where he was going to move to.

But Bambam understood. He always did.

And that’s why Jackson considered him his only real friend even with the hundreds of hundreds of people listed and saved into his phone.

Jackson looked up at the ceiling, the paint looked fresh and worryingly haphazard. A vibration in his hand snapped him out of his thoughts.

Bzzt.

_< N Bank> Your credit card has been terminated. Please contact…_

Jackson shut his eyes and groaned. His heart felt heavy as he sneezed. He got up and stared at his blackened feet.

_Shit, this floor is gross. The fuck I already swept it though…_

He recoiled his feet from the greasy tiles before being distracted by another buzz on his phone.

Bzzt.

_Jackson, don’t worry so much about Dad, I’ll talk to him okay?_

Jackson pursed his lip, he felt like a ton of bricks weighed down onto his chest. He wanted to cry but nothing was coming out.

Bzzt.

_Jacks. Why aren’t you answering your phone?_

_Im outside your door._

His eyes narrowed at the last message, scratching his head and groaning in frustration. Jackson let out a long breathe, pausing for a moment before pushing himself off the warmth of the silky khaki-coloured comforter, which was also courtesy of Bambam, towards the door.

He leaned against the metallic door which reeked of thinner as he stared at the blond man fuming in front of him.

“How did you know I moved here?”, he muttered.

“You seem to forget that I know the person who showed you this place”, the blond man spitted back at him, with a betrayed look.

“Mark don’t you understand that I have boundaries? You’re stepping over the fucking line man.”

“Boundaries? Seriously? What are we Jacks? That I can’t even know where you live!”, the man squawked in disbelief.

“Look you said you wanted to break up. You said it. Not me.”

“I said we should take a break.”

“Mark I’m tired let’s not do this right now”

“Oh! And so, _when_ huh Jacks? When’s the right time? Cus it never fucking ever seems to be the right time for you!”, he hollered, tears forming at the base of his eyes.

“Mark I…”, Jackson softens at the man tearing up in front of him.

“Forget it. You know…do you even love me Jackson?”, his voice breaking as he whispers.

Jackson winced. He knew he should say something but he couldn’t seem to find the words that were stuck in his throat. A heavy silence tortured the two men, both hurt in different ways, both unable to understand each other.

So, the blond man turns to leave, sauntering down the corridor without looking back at the man who slid down against the door, crying silently.

\-----

As he sat wrapped up in his bed, the man leaned back against the headboard and scratched his chin which was coarse with unshaven stubbles and unkempt hairs. He stared blankly into the laptop screen on his lap which was blaring with the nth episode of some vapid sitcom he didn’t even remember the name of. He had been watching it for weeks on end, skipping out on his classes that he couldn’t and didn’t want to relate to. 

More importantly, he’d been ignoring his best bro Bambam, who wouldn’t give up on trying to get him out of his house and go to a party. _Or at least even the library or some stupid shit like that_. As Bambam put it.

Just anything.

But Jackson couldn’t bring himself to do anything. Even standing up to eat felt like the chore of the century. And so, he hadn’t eaten, probably for a few days, save for the soda he had been obsessively drinking. He felt like there was a dark hole somewhere in the corner of his mind waiting to swallow him whole, waiting, lurking like a fucking parasite.

_Or maybe he was the parasite._

_Maybe he was a parasite that deserved to die._

_Maybe-_

_BANG BANG._

He sighed as his neighbour banged on his door again, _probably to complain about his fucking plastics or some shit like that_. He trudged out of bed with bleary eyes, opening the door to a man who was impeccably dressed, a total contrast to his wrecked self. The man wore thick black rimmed glasses and his hair was fluffy, tussled back with a small strand falling out over his forehead. He adjusted his light brown messenger bag that clung to the fabric of his grey trench coat and stared at Jackson with a gaze of contempt that was barely hidden. A look that caused Jackson to roll his eyes at the pomposity that stood in front of him.

“How can I help you this time, your highness?”, his voice was hoarse but still dripped with all the sarcasm he wanted the other to hear.

“Ugh, just take your fucking mail will you, it’s causing a mess in all our letterboxes.”, the man snarled back, not missing the insult.

And just like that, the man took off in a huff towards the lift lobby, without waiting for a reply. 

That was basically the sum of all their interactions so far, at least for the past month since Jackson moved in. His neighbour, probably about his age, would find something to nitpick with him and Jackson would comeback with some sarcastic one-liner. The other wouldn’t engage though and would just walk away after saying whatever he wanted, leaving Jackson high and dry.

He locked his door and jingled his keys, walking as slowly as possible so he wouldn’t have to share a lift with the other man who probably had ten sticks shoved up his ass.

\-----

As he stood there, he felt his stomach churn at the letter he gripped tightly. A warning letter from the school. A letter that told him he wasn’t good enough. A letter that told him his life meant nothing.

Of course, that wasn’t what it read, but the impersonal, cold and matter-of-fact tone of the letter made him nauseated, informing him he had failed the semester.

He tugged at his hair, a throbbing headache overwhelming his senses while he staggered back into the lift. His hands lingered over the button to the roof.

\-----

A gust of cold, biting winter wind blew across his face. He closed his eyes as he stood precariously over the ledge.

_I’m here Gaga, I’ll always be right here with you._

“Mom...”, he whispered, a tear stained his long lashes as his lips trembled.

Suddenly, a gentle voice called out.

“Child, what are you doing up there? It’s really dangerous you know.” He whipped his head around in shock to find a middle-aged woman, with a smooth complexion that was almost glowing. Her soft curls that had a tint of brown in the glow of the morning sun fell over her face, scarcely held up by a pink pin.

Jackson would have sworn she was an angel if not for the fact that she wore a worn-out N university varsity jacket and black striped sweatpants that had a couple of tiny holes, no doubt done in by moths.

She smiled softly, her eye whiskers crinkling.

“Aren’t you the new tenant next door?”

\-----

Jackson sat down, fidgeting awkwardly at the wooden dining table in the woman’s kitchen as she hummed happily. The sizzling stopped as she turned off the gas stove and waft of a fragrant dish filled Jackson’s nose. She smiled at him warmly as she set down plate after plate of food in front of him.

He realized he probably hadn’t showered in like a week and instantly felt bad.

“Here, eat up. I always cook so much but my son never seems to have an appetite for breakfast.”, she pouts cutely, motioning Jackson to a bright yellow dish of egg rolls, that steamed beautifully.

Jackson felt something like an appetite starting to return, as the sides of his tongue watered. He stared at the plate and looked down a little ruefully. Like he didn’t deserve the kindness of the woman in front of him.

He broke out into soft sobs as the woman looked on sadly.

“Why would someone so young such as yourself think of doing something like that?”, she murmured gently.

“I…hic…I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know who I am or…w-what’s the point of anything anymore.”, he spluttered between his breaths.

His grip on his sweatpants tightened as he hung his head in shame.

“Shhh…shhh…hey, its okay. It’s okay hmmm? It happens, even to the best of us. But don’t be so hard on yourself about it.”, she uttered every word carefully, as she placed a consoling hand on his shoulder.

He sobbed as the woman looked on patiently, sitting across him at the wooden table throughout his breakdown.

As he started to calm a little, he notices the woman never lifted her gaze off him. She looked sad.

“You know, there was a time I felt exactly as you did before…”, she said her voice trailing off.

“Did you know, I read somewhere once, _if anybody wants a sheep, that is a proof that he exists_.”, the woman muses.

“What do you think it means?", she paused with a thoughtful look.

The woman gives Jackson a small smile before continuing.

"...I think it means that people make out life to be so difficult, that we should do this or that. If we want to be happy, you need to follow a set path or set rules. But it’s simple really, if you want to be happy, just do what you want, do what makes you feel happy. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone and anything, just be who you are, that alone is enough to live. That is enough for a reason to exist.”

Jackson stared at her, his heart moved. Just a little.

She smiled again, pushing the plate of egg rolls closer towards him. He looks down and gingerly takes a bite of it with a pair of chopsticks. The soft texture melted into his mouth and its warmth, comforting his cold dark heart.

“It’s delicious…”, he chokes out, causing the woman to laugh softly.

“If you promise to come here every morning for breakfast from now on. I’ll make them for you anytime.”

That morning, Jackson’s appetite returned.

He never touched another goddamn can of soda ever since.

~~

\-----

As Jackson looks down at the comforting yellow egg rolls steaming from his plate on the wooden table, he smiles softly. The voices of the woman laughing and her exasperated young son nagging at her at the nearby kitchen sink filled his ears, causing a warm, fuzzy feeling to rise in his chest.

_Just like a pair of angels in my life._

“Jinyoung-ie can you help me get all this stuff for the charity drive Mrs. Yoon is planning this Sunday?”, the woman places a list into the hand of her son, ignoring his nagging about the weird church uncle who was making moves on her.

“Only if I don’t have to go.”, Jinyoung pouts.

His mom stares at him, returning a pout that Jackson swears looks like a mirror image of Jinyoung’s.

“But she’s so weird mom”, the man whines.

“Don’t be silly, dear. Can’t you do this much for your mother?”, she says suddenly in a forlorn voice.

“Ugh, fine.”, the woman resumes her chirpy demeanour almost instantly.

Jackson is impressed as he takes little notes of how she handles Jinyoung.

“Its gonna pretty heavy though so would you mind helping him out a little jackseun-ah?”, her request causes Jackson to whip his head to her and nod enthusiastically.

“Sure auntie, anything for ya!”

“Aw, thank you dear.”

\-----

Jinyoung stares at the man walking beside him, whistling a little too cheerfully for the mundane chore they were tasked with. The man notices his stare and turns back to him, with a puzzled look.

Caught off guard, Jinyoung turns away.

Jackson chuckles.

“Embarrassed that you got caught staring at my handsome face again?”

“Ugh, shut up…I was just thinking, why do you listen to my mom so well?”

“Welllll…I do need to get into the good books of my future mom-in-law I guess.”, he says as if it were a fact.

“W-what?”, Jinyoung feels a blush creep up his cheeks, stunned at the shamelessness of the man beside him.

Jackson laughs at the cute reaction. He knew those words would stun the man. Why was he still stunned after all this time, he didn’t know. Jackson just seemed to have that kind of effect on him. And he kind of liked it. Who was he kidding, he adored it.

That was what started his doomed crush on his neighbour to begin with.

He watched as Jinyoung picked up peaches in the fruit aisle with great concentration, checking obsessively for even the slightest hint of defects. He smiles, he loved that about Jinyoung, that no matter how much he complained about doing things, he would always do them anyway, sincerely and seriously.

At first, he thought the man was just a prickly, pompous asshole. But as time passed and he learned more and more about his neighbour, he realized how warm he actually was.

How he would pay attention to the smallest details where no one else cared. How he ruffled the hair of a random child in the park just because he thought the child was cute.

How he knew which dishes Jackson liked best at breakfast and would purposely push them closer to him and eat the rest instead.

He grew to love everything about Park Jinyoung.

_Shit this is bad…_

“So…you still didn’t really answer me you know?”, Jinyoung huffed.

“Huh?”, Jackson was snapped out of his daze as the two of them stood in front of the cashier mechanically scanning their long list of items.

“Why are you so nice to my mom?”

“Well…I guess I owe her a lot. I honestly, I don’t even know how much gratitude I can express that I met her…and uh…and you too…ahem, actually. So yeah…”, he said thoughtfully before mumbling his words towards the end.

Jinyoung blushes for the second time during the trip, but Jackson misses it, a little embarrassed at his own words as he presses his lips together and looks away.

“Wh-wha…what’s wrong with you today. This is so unlike you to say…”, Jinyoung mutters bashfully.

The cashier smiles at the exchange and quips they seem like very close friends.

Jackson beams back at her, causing her to blush slightly and Jinyoung to feel a little possessive.

He turns to Jinyoung who looks at him with a glazed look in his eyes as he wondered, feeling a pang in his heart.

_Does he feel that way too?_

As they amble along the side road back home, Jinyoung mutters that Jackson isn’t even bothering to carry anything heavy, causing the other man to let out a hyena-like laughter cheekily. Jinyoung snarls before being startled by something wet falling onto his cheek.

They both turn to look up at the snow starting to fall. It was an unusually cold but bright and crisp winter morning, yet somehow Jackson felt an immense warmth in his chest.

He’s glad that he made it for winter this year.

\-----

“The proof that the little prince existed is that he was charming, that he laughed, and that he was looking for a sheep. If anybody wants a sheep, that is a proof that he exists.”

\- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.


	6. Page 6, My Soul to Your Soul.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung takes a bold step forward. Youngjae might have some kinks he never realised he had. Also, Jackson feels Jinyoung's mom couldn't possibly be a mere mortal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last two chapters have been a little bleak, but we're back in business guys. The jinson fluff is in full swing here. Well there'll still be some serious feels but it wont be as bad. These kids have suffered enough yeah. HAHA.

\----------------------

Jinyoung waved at his colleague as he wrapped his woolen scarf up to his face. Before Youngjae could even say goodbye, the man was out of the door, leaving his junior puzzled at the strange behavior of his hyung. Well, but his hyung _had_ been behaving strangely throughout the day. He’d been too quiet where he’d normally be banging his head on the table or groaning into his computer screen. It didn't really sound like normal behavior if it was anyone else, but that was just the normalcy that Youngjae had grown accustomed to these past few months.

Youngjae sighed as he pushed up his drooping glasses, the frame a little too large for his face. He was in no place to be too worried about other people’s affairs when he had a dilemma of his own to work out. He stared at the framed photo of his beloved dog sitting on his desk, lamenting to himself.

_Why the hell are you so drawn to him Coco?_

Why the hell was _he_ so drawn to him?

Youngjae recalled the sting on his palms when he first slapped his weird blond neighbour. His kind of cute, weird blond neighbour. He recalled the way a blush slowly crept up the other man’s ears when Youngjae came to his senses and caressed the man’s cheeks, apologising for going too far. A strange, tight feeling rose in his chest as he recalled how…submissive the man looked as his hands soothed the man’s skin. It made his heart flutter, just a little.

_Ah fuck, I’ve lost it haven’t I…_

Youngjae groaned as he banged his head onto the table.

\----------------------

_Just like you._

Those words that his neighbour cryptically murmured and his expression afterwards, as if he hadn’t meant for Jinyoung to hear them, ate into his mind. Jinyoung wasn’t going to lie. It kind of drove him crazy the past few days. Jinyoung could tell when Jackson was being serious or not. It wasn’t hard when he’d always been hyper aware of everything Jackson would say or do, mulling over the intentions of the other man.

He touched his forehead that was slightly sore. No doubt from all the symphonic head banging that had been taking place between his colleague and himself. His colleague seemed to have been infected with the same virus causing them to self-harm with their work desks recently.

_Just like you._

What made it more confusing was the way Jackson pretended like it was a joke just moments after, when it clearly wasn’t. It infuriated Jinyoung, But, why did it infuriate him though? So what if Jackson was saying a bunch of bullshit that he kept taking back? After all, it was normal for Jackson to tease him like that.

_To flirt with him like that._

Yes, Jinyoung knew it for what it was. He wasn’t a fucking idiot. He knew the man had been flirting with him. The issue was that he couldn’t figure out the extent of the man’s feelings. How serious was Jackson about him? He couldn’t make a guess. It was too hard considering the naturally cheeky and bubbly nature of his neighbour.

What he did know was his own feelings. His feelings that had only been growing more and more each day.

He always thought that Jackson was just some dumbass jock who only cared about parties, drinking and sleeping around. He despised how vapid and shallow the man seemed whenever he saw him.

But then Jackson went ahead and vomited on that ugly sweater. The one he wished would cease to exist every time his aunt came over. It was disgusting but he felt kind of grateful for the drunk man’s gesture, however unintentional.

And that was just the start. Jackson wasn’t a dumb fucking jock.

He was sweet and sensitive.

He was thoughtful.

He would help an old lady at the church who fell down even after she chided him for the way he was dressed for the sermon earlier in the day, essentially calling him some variation of a fuck boy in ancient slang.

He would apologise to the cashier girl for needing to scan and bag an insane number of items he and Jinyoung bought for his mom’s charity drive.

He would tease Jinyoung, but he would also always be there to listen to him, without judgement and fully sensitive to his plight.

_Ah fuck, I’m screwed…_

At this point, he knew for a fact that he probably liked Jackson too much for their relationship to remain just as it was. Ambiguous, flirty banter, friends… _were they even friends?_

Was this what Jackson did with his friends?

Jinyoung definitely didn’t. He never behaved so intimately even with Jaebeom, whom he’d known since he was practically in the womb.

Jinyoung groaned into his scarf that did little to cover his ears freezing from the biting cold.

_My heart probably won’t last long if I continue like this with that idiot._

The idiot in question came into full view as Jinyoung made a turn into the gate of his apartment complex. The man was dressed, a little too lightly in just a single layer of a long-sleeved raglan shirt, jeans and that stupid hat he always wore.

Jinyoung hated that hat.

He watched as the idiot fiddled with his plastics, clearly struggling to understand how to sort them at the recycling area. He sighed in frustration as he approached the man.

“Are you an idiot or something?”, Jinyoung sighed.

“H-huh? Oh, Jinyoung-ie. Hello to you too.”, Jackson was startled for a moment before recognising the voice and giving him a quick glance. His attention returned fully to his plastics that were most definitely _not_ recyclable.

“Jackson-ah. Those aren’t recyclable.”, he said dryly, causing the other man to whip his head around, attention now on him.

“WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I’ve been standing out here for a good ten minutes trying to figure out what to even do. And you’re telling me, I didn’t even have to do shit in the first place?”, the man gawked at him, causing Jinyoung to giggle involuntarily at the cute idiot.

Jackson grinned at his reaction. A little too sweetly, as he always did.

Jinyoung felt a pang in his heart and unconsciously contorted his face.

_Don’t do that if you don’t mean it…_

“Jinyoung-ie? Are you okay?”, the idiot asks worriedly, moving forward, stopping mere inches away. His face was a little too close to Jinyoung’s own, as Jackson placed a hand on his forehead.

“Are you sick again? Your face is all tense...”, the man breathes, his hot breath tickling Jinyoung’s face.

Jinyoung felt his heart pound against his chest as the man stared at him with those big brown, adorable eyes that looked a little sad sometimes.

His gaze pierced into the eyes of his neighbour, who was utterly confused by the stoic man in front of him. 

The man waved his hands in front of Jinyoung's face. When he still didn't get a reaction out of the other, he did a little peek-a-boo, in an attempt to break down the Jinyoung's seemingly cool composure. 

The gesture only served to freeze Jinyoung up further. _His_ _heart_ pounding even harder.

Everything Jackson did at that moment, every stupid little silly thing he did, only threatened to drive Jinyoung crazy from the adorable ball of fluff standing in front of him.

_My heart probably won’t last long if I continue like this with this idiot._

“Jackson-ah…I…I like you.”, he whispered breathily almost as if he was telling himself of the fact. But Jackson heard it, causing him to do a double take. Like a literal double take. He was now standing five feet apart from Jinyoung.

“H-huh?”, Jackson stammered, clearly not processing those words well. “L-like bros…?”, he whispers back with uncertainty.

Jinyoung drew out a long breath before he responded. With a resolution and firmness that surprised even himself.

“No. Definitely not like bros.”, Jinyoung stared straight into the other man, whose brown, adorable eyes widened at the revelation.

Jackson dropped the crumpled plastic wrap in his hand.

\----------------------

The two men sat on that big, lovely bed that brightened an otherwise dreary room. They were side by side and a little too close for comfort. Jinyoung fidgeted awkwardly, having come back to his senses. The other merely kept staring at him, still in total disbelief at the sudden confession earlier. 

They stood at the recycling area completely silent for a good few seconds after Jinyoung dropped the bombshell on said man. That was, until Jackson snapped back to reality when a cold gust of winter wind blew over and made him want to get the hell indoors.

Jackson turned his face towards his neighbour, who was as impeccably dressed as always. A set of thick, black rimmed glasses hid his gorgeous face, his hair was tussled back with only a strand that teasingly fell over his forehead.

_Looking like a goddamn snack._

Jackson noted how nervous the man was, a total contrast to the man’s usually prickly and composed self. He felt a tickle in his heart, realizing that _he_ was doing that to Jinyoung.

“I… didn’t think you swung that way. In a million years, I wouldn’t even have guessed…”, Jackson murmured, a little thoughtfully, but mostly in relief.

“Really? But you always…um…you know…”, Jinyoung responded quizzically, finally returning Jackson’s gaze.

“Yeah…but I don’t know, I guess I just thought…”

“You thought I was a church boy?”

Jackson lets out that hyena-like laughter again.

“HAHA, I mean kinda I guess.”

“I told you, though didn’t I?”

“That you’re not a fucking church boy?”

Jinyoung shrugged, causing Jackson to burst out in laughter again. Jinyoung merely stared back with a soft gaze. The affection in his eyes was now clear for the other to see, prompting the other fall into a wide smile. A smile that was always a little too sweet to be friendly. A smile that now made Jinyoung feel a little light in his chest.

That night, Jackson told him that he felt the same. He talked about how his feelings tormented him, thinking he was falling for a straight man. The worst kind of crush.

Jinyoung listened intently, as he always did and gawked at how they’d both been mulling over similarly silly things.

_This time,_

_Jinyoung shared his own insecurities too._

_They talked and talked through the night._

_They talked about those silly things_

_and talked about more serious things,_

_laying down side by side_

_on the bed, they_

_eventually fell asleep_

_Together._

_This time,_

_not five feet apart_

_but shoulder to shoulder_.

This time, when he woke up, Jackson found Jinyoung with his arms around him just as before. 

This time, when he woke up, Jinyoung didn’t run away and instead snuggled his face closer into the comforting warmth of the man’s chest.

This time, they both felt an immeasurable ease in their hearts neither had experienced before with another person.

“Good morning sunshine…”, Jackson looked down at the man whose eyes crinkled into a smile, face still buried in his chest.

“Hmmm…”, Jinyoung hummed in response, the husky voice that rasped even more from the dry morning air did things to his heart.

“Not running away this time?”, the man teased, causing Jinyoung to pout at him and hit his chest gently.

_Pew. Pew._

An electronic sound reverberated throughout the room, causing Jackson to glance towards the corner near his kitchen sink.

“Oh shit…I forgot to recharge pew-pew.”, he muttered to himself.

“Pew-pew?”, Jinyoung leaned back with a questioning look.

“Yeah, my vacuum cleaner haha, I call it pew-pew cause its kind of cute.”, Jackson laughed sheepishly, a little embarrassed.

“That’s pew-pew?”, Jinyoung pointed out to the affable looking electronic disk and gaped at his boyfriend incredulously. The man nodded in return, slightly confused.

Jinyoung had heard the name before. His bedroom was directly behind the dry wall Jackson's bed was propped against after all. He’d often hear it especially when Jackson was drunk. At first, he’d thought that it was the pet name of Jackson’s then boyfriend. But one night at a very ungodly hour, Jackson was bawling and ranting to a certain pew-pew about his shitty love life and Jinyoung realised that probably wasn’t the case. He thought maybe it was a friend instead. He never would have guessed pew-pew was a fucking robot vacuum.

He looked pensively at the face of the baffled man who stared back. Jackson had sometimes shared with him how alone he felt at times, that no one really understood him. He’d heard it before, but Jinyoung never really understood the extent to which the man felt that way. Jackson was always surrounded by people after all. Wherever he went, Jackson always seemed so loved. He felt an ache in his heart as he reached a hand out to cup his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Jackson-ah…”, he whispered.

_Grrrrr…._

A gurgle emerged from Jackson’s stomach, causing the other to be startled and taken out of his deep trance. Jackson smiled sheepishly at him, a little bashful.

“Haha I kinda didn’t eat dinner yesterday…should we go over to your place soon?”

“My mom isn’t around today though, she stayed over my aunt’s place yesterday.”

“Aw man…was looking forward to her amazing soup. Do you know how to make it?”, Jackson pouted hopefully.

“I…I kind of suck at cooking honestly.”, Jinyoung mumbled, looking away. That damn pout was really starting to do things to his heart.

“Haha! Me too honestly…shall we just eat out?”, the man beamed.

\----------------------

The winter breeze was relentless that morning, deterring most people from leaving the comfort of their warm beds and homes for the unforgiving temperatures outside that dipped slightly below zero. The roads were mostly empty and so were the artificial, grassy lawns of the park that lined it, save for two lone figures.

The men were giggling and huddling together as they strolled across the pale timber boardwalk that stretched along the riverside of an otherwise listless concrete jungle. The shorter of the two was finally dressed properly, wrapped up in a black down jacket, after being nagged at by the taller. Linking arms with the man next to him, Jackson grinned as he whispered into his ears, causing Jinyoung to blush and laugh out loud.

Jackson noted that it was probably the first time he saw the man laugh so freely without covering his gorgeous smile with his hand, as he tended to do. A strange satisfaction filled his chest as he looked out at the skyline.

They slowly came to a halt by the metallic railing along the concreted riverbank to look at the glow of the morning sun that finally peeked through the clouds of the overcast sky. Jinyoung watched as the shorter man snuggled up to his shoulders fell deep into his own thoughts.

“Are you okay?”, he whispers.

“H-huh? Oh yeah…I don’t know I just suddenly remembered something. It’s nothing really.”, Jackson mumbles back absently.

“You can always talk about it if you want to.”, he squeezes the shoulders of the man who pressed his lips into a thin line.

“I…I used to be really scared of water. Like I couldn’t even go near a filled bathtub. It was so bad, you know. I almost drowned once when I was really young and I guess it really just overwhelmed me, you know.”, he uttered his words with great difficulty before pausing to take a short breath.

“My dad he…”, Jackson croaked, continuing when he felt a hand rub against his back gently.

“He would take me to a riverside like this back home and we’d go for picnics or cycle just a little away from the river. He’d always say we could build happy memories to wash away the bad ones. I’d always break down if I got too close but he was always patient with me. He’d smile and tell me it was okay.”, the man turned to Jinyoung who furrowed his eyes at the pain laced in the other’s voice.

“I just want him to tell me that, you know. He doesn’t have to understand… Just more than anyone in this world…I j-just…”, Jackson breathes as his buries his face into Jinyoung’s chest.

Jinyoung’s heart ached as he heard the heartbroken sobs of his boyfriend.

His own eyes welled up in tears, as he stroked the brown locks of the man leaning into him.

The artificial, grassy lawns that lined the boardwalk basked in the lovely and delicate glow of the morning sun, that slowly but surely emerged from the clouds it hid behind.

\----------------------

The two men reached a familiar asphalt parking lot as they walked through the gate. Their hands were clasped, fingers intertwined tightly as they stole bashful glances at each other.

A familiar voice caused them to jolt as Jinyoung snapped his head towards two women who waved cheerily at him.

“Jinyoung-ie!! Over here!”, his mom called out, the sunny smile in her eyes beamed even more when she recognised the man walking with her son.

He glanced down at his clasped hand and snatched it away in reflex, only realising a second too late what he had done. Jackson bit down on his lip and looked away, avoiding the apologetic stare of the other.

“Jackson-ah I-“, he stammered, interrupted by the voice of the second lady, clearly excited to see him.

“Jinyoung-ah! You’re looking so much happier these days.”, she smiled warmly. The woman was slightly shorter, a little stockier and slightly plump compared to the petite frame of his mom. But her face had the same loving warmth as her sister, as she pulled Jinyoung into a tight hug.

“H-hi auntie. Thanks, you look good too.”, he glanced nervously at his boyfriend who had quickly hidden his hurt behind a beaming smile.

“You had a breakfast date together?”, his mom quipped at Jackson, who nodded back with a smile still plastered on his face.

“This is Jackseun, sis! You know the boy I always talked about. He’s Jinyoung-ie’s good friend.”, she turns back to her sister who starts chattering to the young man in front of her.

Jinyoung looked on awkwardly as Jackson obliged his aunt’s questions politely with his natural disarming charm.

_Jackson-ah, I didn’t mean it._

_It’s okay, I understand._

Jinyoung stared apologetically at the man beside him, who merely glanced back with a small smile, the hurt in his eyes clear as day for Jinyoung to see.

\----------------------

“Why isn’t Jackseun eating here for dinner today? He usually comes if he’s home…”, the woman pouted as she glanced at the door. She set out her own plate before sitting herself across the table from her son who merely gazed at his bowl of steaming rice.

“I wonder if he’s alright…he didn’t look so good just now.”, Jinyoung winced as he picked up his chopsticks and poked it absentmindedly into his bowl.

The woman turned her attention to her son realising he’d been uncharacteristically silent where he’d usually find something to nag at her about. These days it was about the rather charming, aged man at their church who’d been widowed for a few years.

“Jinyoung-ie? Are you alright?”, she asks worriedly, looking at the untouched food in his bowl.

Jinyoung felt something grip suffocatingly into his chest, pressing down onto it ruthlessly.

“M-mom I’m sorry…”, he croaked, breaking out into sobs as he looked helplessly into his mother’s eyes, that grew anxious with worry at her son’s sudden breakdown.

“Jinyoung-ie…why are you crying?”, she murmurs reaching out to squeeze his hand that gripped onto his chopsticks tightly.

“Mom…I-I love him mom. I think I love him.”, he splutters as he hung his head, unable to look at her.

“W-what? Who…I don’t…”, she stuttered in confusion, her brows furrowed in her knit as she slowly came to a realisation. She looked at her crying son achingly as she whispered.

_“Oh, Jinyoung-ie…”_

\----------------------

_Knock knock._

Jackson opened his door slightly ajar and peered at the man standing outside, slightly startled by his presence.

“H-hey, I just… I missed you.”, the man smiled awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Jackson noticed the rustling of a bag and his gaze turned to the small pink lunch bag Jinyoung held in his hand.

“I uh…have you eaten dinner yet?”

“Yeah…”, Jackson finally responded only for his stomach to growl a little too loudly. Of course, at the most perfect timing just as he replied. He cringed, darting his eyes to the side as the man in front of him felt his heart sink a little.

“I haven’t eaten either, can we eat together?”, he asked in a small voice, his eyes hopeful as he stared at the man who wore a difficult expression on his face.

Jackson paused for a moment, noticing Jinyoung's reddened eyes, before relenting with a small sigh.

“Yeah alright, come in.”

\----------------------

Jinyoung watched pew-pew scan the room busily, the whirring that emanated from the tiny machine persisted through an otherwise uncomfortable silence that filled the room. He sat on the bed while the other man laid out the containers that were carefully and lovingly packed into the pink bag onto the foldable desk that had been pulled to the bed. Jinyoung cleared his throat as Jackson sat down unceremoniously, digging into his plate and chewing quietly. That night, Jackson was a little further from him. Almost five feet apart.

“I-I told my mom…about us.”, Jinyoung stuttered, causing the man to snap his head to face him, widening his eyes.

“What? What did she say?”, Jackson blurted, his eyes wide in shock.

“She told me to be happy.”, Jinyoung murmured out weakly, smiling at the man who finally looked at him properly for the first time that night.

“She didn’t like…condemn you to hell or anything?”, the man breathed, slightly amazed.

“Clearly not right?”, Jinyoung quipped pointing at the spread in front of them.

Silence filled the air again. This time, it wasn't suffocating.

“Your mom she’s really…she’s really an angel sent down from heaven, isn’t she?”, his boyfriend choked a little as he looked down at his plate.

Jinyoung smiled warmly, nodding at his words. His brows slowly furrowed in confusion as if coming to a sudden realisation.

“Wait a minute…is my mom your angel?”, he asked his boyfriend in disbelief. Jackson merely grinned back at him before recounting his story slowly over dinner.

\----------------------

Jinyoung laid back into the warm comforter lining the bed, feeling lethargic from the fullness in his gut and the room that was filled with the comforting musk of his boyfriend. Jackson cleared the table, placing condiments carefully back into the cabinet against the wall of the tiny kitchen space.

“You have a lot of stuff for someone who can’t cook.”, Jinyoung commented, eyeing the kitchen cabinet filled with various ingredients as the man closed it.

“Yeah haha, I just bought them recently. I’ve been trying to learn from your mom but it’s not really been going well honestly…I’m not giving up yet though.”, he grinned at the man who was eyeing him from the bed. _Looking like a goddamn snack, dammit._

He moved away the foldable desk and sat beside the man who was lying down, staring at Jinyoung’s moist lips that had a glossy sheen of oil. A sense of dejavu washed over him, instead this time, he made a bolder move.

He siddled up to sit closer and laid down shoulder to shoulder with Jinyoung, who had his eyes closed.

Jinyoung felt a strange heat building up through the fabric of his sleeves as the side of his arm pressed gently against Jackson’s. He heard a small grunt as the other man cleared his throat, and turned subconsciously to look at him.

“Hey there…”, that husky voice causing Jinyoung to twitch ever so slightly.

Something swelled up in his chest when he realized that Jackson had been watching him, with a strange glaze in his eyes. The man’s brows were furrowed slightly, lips parted and breathing slightly uneven. Jinyoung’s eyes traced the other man’s face down to the contours of his neck, gulping hesitantly.

“Jackson-ah I-”, he was cut short as the other man impulsively leaned forward to press his lips gently against his, before pulling away almost as quickly.

His eyes widened at the sudden kiss, biting down on his lower lip as the other murmured softly into his ear, in the husky voice Jinyoung was now so familiar with. And yet, in that moment, just hearing it, made him shiver while he nodded, albeit eagerly. He lowered his eyelids ever so slightly as Jackson leaned in once more, this time brushing his lips tenderly against his. This time, the kiss was deeper, needier, as Jinyoung parted his mouth, allowing Jackson to slip in his tongue. They part reluctantly to breathe, almost as if coming back to their senses for a brief moment.

Gasping for air, they slowly break into a smile and stare affectionately into each other’s eyes.

\----------------------

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

\- Rumi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves, extra chapter up ahead. Its very self indulgent and totally tangent to this story.


	7. Page 6.5, The Missionary Position.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EXTRA CHAPTER
> 
> Jinson’s first time together. With olive oil. Lots of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright yes this is basically just 2.7k of porn I vomited out. I’m just a slut for jinson. sue me.
> 
> You won’t miss out on anything if you decide not to read it

\---------------

Jinyoung felt a strange heat building up through the fabric of his sleeves as the side of his arm pressed gently against Jackson’s. He heard a small grunt as the other man cleared his throat, and turned subconsciously to look at him. Something swelled up in his chest when he realized that Jackson had been watching him, with a strange glaze in his eyes. The man’s brows were furrowed slightly, lips parted and breathing slightly uneven. Jinyoung’s eyes traced the other man’s face down to the contours of his neck, gulping hesitantly.

“Jackson-ah I-”, he was cut short as the other man impulsively leaned forward to press his lips gently against his, before pulling away almost as quickly.

His eyes widened at the sudden kiss, biting down on his lower lip as the other murmured softly into his ear, in the husky voice Jinyoung was now so familiar with. And yet, in that moment, just hearing it, made him shiver while he nodded, albeit eagerly. He lowered his eyelids ever so slightly as Jackson leaned in once more, this time brushing his lips tenderly against his.

This time, the kiss was deeper, needier, as Jinyoung parted his mouth, allowing Jackson to slip in his tongue. The other man, a little too skillfully, tickled the roof of Jinyoung’s mouth with his tongue, causing him to mewl softly. He felt a heat rise in his cheeks as their tongues intertwined and slipped around with growing desperation. They part reluctantly to breathe, almost as if coming back to their senses for a brief moment.

Gasping for air, they slowly break into a smile and stare affectionately into each other’s eyes.

Jackson got up to lean over the other, who wrapped his arms around Jackson’s neck, pulling him down for another long kiss. He leaned his forearm against the creased sheets beside the other man’s head while his other hand slipped under Jinyoung’s hoodie to trail up his chest.

The man shuddered at the cold sensation of the Jackson’s fingers against his skin. He felt a hardening bulge press against his own growing one as the Jackson pressed his hips against his, grinding slowly. Jinyoung winced at the growing discomfort in his pants, breaking away from their liplock.

He swallowed down hard, noticing Jackson’s darkened gaze.

Jackson’s hands caressed down the other man’s abdomen to pull at his sweatpants and underwear, slipping out his hardened dick. Jackson wrapped his fingers delicately around the other man’s shaft and began stroking, pressing his thumb gently down on the tip, smearing the precum leaking from it. Jinyoung’s face flushed into a faint blush and pressed his lips into a thin line, groaning breathily from the pressure.

His eyelids fluttered suggestively as he reached down to unbutton Jackson’s jeans, revealing the man’s own hard-on. Jinyoung returned the favour, causing the other man to twitch slightly.

“Oh God, _Jinyoung-ie…”,_ he breathed as he cocked his head back, shutting his eyes in pleasure.

The strokes were slow, clumsy, uneven at first. But they began to match their pace perfectly, just as they always do while walking, growing in fervor and intensity as they reached their climax.

\---------------

Panting heavily, Jackson hovered over the other and kicked off his jeans that was wrapped around his ankles. He took off his shirt, prompting the other to pull off his own sweatpants shyly. Jackson licked his lips as he stared at the obscene sight below, at Jinyoung who had his legs spread out in a manner rather unchaste for his image.

The image of a perfect fucking church boy.

Jackson felt a desire to destroy it completely when he heard the lewd whimpers of the man who had shut his eyes in embarrassment under his gaze. Jinyoung’s hoodie was now rolled up to his chest, revealing the soft, smooth skin of his abdomen that hardened ever so slightly each time the man took a breath in. Clumps of whitish grey liquid belonging to the both of them clung to the man's skin. So indecent. _So fucking perfect._

_Oh, how much he wanted to nuzzle against that milky white skin and trail his lips down it to drive the other absolutely nuts as he knew it would. He just had to-_

“UGH, fuck…I don’t have condoms…”, Jackson whined, remembering an all too important detail. Of course, at the most perfect timing.

He pouted at the man beneath him who merely blinked back, taking a second to process the information.

Jackson leaned his face into the other’s chest and groans. A silence fills the air.

“Umm…Jackson when did you, you know…um…are you clean?”, a voice reverberated through Jackson’s ears. It was bashful. Hopeful even. Jackson looked up to face the man.

“Yeah...I’m clean…I just got tested actually a few weeks ago for some free health check-up thing in school. Anyway, I hadn’t had anyone for months…not since, well you know.”, he muttered out, uncertainty and a little shame in his voice. He didn’t know why.

Jinyoung reached his hands out to cup the other’s face, a reassuring smile spread across his own.

“Jackson-ah, I trust you.”, his voice resolute, causing Jackson to feel a pang in his heart. The good kind.

“Y-you…b-but. Ugh crap. Lube. I don’t have it too right now.”, he spluttered, feeling useless. The other man merely pursed his lips as if he was deep in thought for a moment.

“Well…it just kinda needs to slide in, right?”, Jinyoung mumbled, his ears beet red. “H-how about olive oil? I saw it in your cabinet. You haven’t used it anyway.”

Jackson’s eyes widened at the man’s unexpectedly bold suggestion.

“I-I mean I guess it could work…I don’t know I’ve actually never tried it before.”

“Then let’s try it. At least there’s something that can be sort of both our first time together.”, Jinyoung smiled bashfully as he pulled Jackson’s face towards his, nuzzling their noses together.

Jackson gaped at the devastatingly unfair cuteness of the man beneath him, feeling like his heart was going to leap out of his chest. 

\---------------

As he kneeled snuggly between the legs of the other man, now completely naked, Jackson stared a little too long at the oil slipping through his fingers. It was a little smoother, a little runnier than what he was familiar with. The man who had his legs splayed out in front of him sat back against the headboard of the wonderfully large bed that graced Jackson’s room. Jackson looked up at Jinyoung, hesitant. But the other man merely nodded coyly, biting down on his lower lip.

Just that response alone was enough to remove all his doubts almost at once. Jackson lowered his hands and gently leaned forward. His forehead slightly touching the other’s while he tried to focus his gaze at their hips. He slowly wrapped one hand around the man’s dick and caressed the rim of the tight hole beneath it with his other hand. He started stroking slowly at first, quickening the motion when he heard the other man’s breaths grow increasingly louder and staggered. He felt a hot flush rise up his neck and his own hard dick as he gently pushed one finger into Jinyoung, causing the man to buck up his hips and gasp.

“J-jinyoung-ie, you okay? Does it hurt?”, he whispered, leaning his head into the other’s neck upon feeling the muscles around his finger tighten.

“Y-yeah…I’m okay.”, the man winced in pain, at the crook of the finger in him slowly moving in and out.

Jackson traced his lips against the skin of the other all the way down to the man’s dick, causing Jinyoung to shudder at the sensation. He released his grip on Jinyoung’s throbbing cock to cup the man’s balls. Delicately nipping on the foreskin, he went on to take Jinyoung’s cock in his mouth.

The sudden heat enveloping his throbbing cock caused Jinyoung to pull at the tufts of the other man’s hair and bite into his fist, suppressing a moan.

“Don’t hold it back Jinyoung-ie, show me how much you love it.”, Jackson croons as he let his lips and tongue trace the ribs and pulsating veins along the shaft. His words made Jinyoung buck up slightly into Jackson’s mouth.

Jackson gagged a little, tearing up from the sudden intrusion up his throat. He gasped and breathed against the length of the other’s, humming as he slowly regained his composure. His head bobbed up and down, cheeks hollowing as he tasted a mixture of saltiness and a faint nutty flavor from the precum and olive oil that coated Jinyoung’s cock.

He slipped in two more fingers as the tight hole began to relax. Jackson proceeded to stretch the squelching hole a little further, the oil causing his fingers to slip around clumsily. It felt good against the skin of Jinyoung’s ass which he grabbed with his other hand. A trembling hand rested on his shoulder, causing him to turn up to the other man, cock still in his mouth.

“J-Jackson-ah, I think I’m ready.”, Jinyoung whispered, his eyes dark and hazy as he stared at the man sucking him off.

\---------------

They gazed at each other, lips parted with shallow breaths, as Jackson slowly aligned his hips to the man who now slid down to rest his head on a pillow. The man wrapped his arms around Jackson’s neck. Jackson maintained a tight grip on the other’s hip with one hand while pressing the other down against the sheets by Jinyoung's shoulder. He slowly eased into Jinyoung, almost a little too easily due to the oil slicked around his dick. Jackson felt the muscles surrounding his own throbbing cock clench and fingers dig into the back of his neck, causing him to hiss a little.

“S-sorry…I’ll make you feel good…ahh”, a groan escaped his lips, his head rolling back as he began to thrust into the man. The man could only manage a stiff nod and let out a soft whimper in response.

He moved gently at first, until he eventually hit Jinyoung’s prostate. The sudden rush of bliss caused the other man to arch his back, his hard cock pressing up against Jackson’s belly. Jackson fixated his stare at the man’s face tinged with blush and glistening in sweat beneath him. The man who was now moaning loudly without restraint and gripping the khaki-coloured sheets tightly, as Jackson picked up the pace.

Jinyoung looked back at him through tears while Jackson shoved his cock deeper and deeper into him with each thrust. He wrapped his arms around Jackson’s back, pulling him down in his fervor, causing Jackson to fall to his elbows. Their faces were now barely an inch apart, as they gasped into each other’s lips. Their eyes filled with longing and utterly blown as they bore into each other.

Desperate moans and squelching, wet sounds of skin slapping echoed throughout the room. Jackson slammed into the other tenaciously, causing the bed to creak in rhythmic manner. Their mouths collided once in a while for frenzied and sloppy kisses, desperate for more contact than anything else. Jackson gritted his teeth as Jinyoung began to tighten around Jackson, shivering a little.

“J-Jac…Jacks…so…ahhh..ahhh…I …mmmmff”, he spat out incoherently, his cheeks flushed. His vision whitened for a brief moment, causing him to gape in rapture.

Jackson felt a soft, warm liquid squirt onto his abdomen and the tense grip from his lover’s arms going limp. But he was relentless, as he continued to fuck the other man harder and harder, grunting heavily.

“D-did it feel good Jinyoung-ie?”, he let out in that raspy voice of his, the soft weeping of the other man driving him insane with heat.

Jackson pulled up the other to sit on his lap, rocking his hips in a circular motion and reveling in the warmth around his cock. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer as the other collapsed into his shoulders, gripping the back his head. Jinyoung whined as he felt himself gradually harden again, the low growls of Jackson overtaking his senses. He jerked his body back slightly to grip the sheets beneath and grinded his hips into Jackson’s, wrapping his legs around the man’s waist and riding him feverishly.

“F-fuck…you drive me nuts.”, Jackson gaped at the man bouncing lightly on him, his brows furrowed and lined with sweat.

He felt it coming, causing Jinyoung to grab the back of his lover's head with one hand, digging into his scalp as he felt a sudden warmth fill him up. Jackson shivered as he released into the man in his lap. He continued riding out his orgasm and heaving long breaths before pulling out. Jinyoung mewled and pouted his lips, leaning back into Jackson ,who wrapped his hand around the Jinyoung's cock and his own still throbbing one. They both moaned with abandon as he rubbed them against each other.

“Hnnnn, sseun-ah…sseun-ie…”, Jinyoung whimpers, sensitive to the touch.

Jackson smiled at the desperation of the normally composed man leaning into his chest and chuckled.

“Hey…do you wanna feel good Nyoung-ie?”, he whispered sweetly, illiciting a fervent nod from the man. “Bend over for me, will you?”

Jackson lowered the exhausted man in his arms to lean back into the pillow and slowly turn over. He cooed softly and stroked Jinyoung’s face gently upon seeing the man wince in pain. Jinyoung trembled, struggling to get up on all fours before falling to his elbows. He reached to hug the pillow beneath him, leading his reddened ass and pink hole slick with a mixture of cum and oil to raise up in all its glory for Jackson to behold. Just the erotic sight alone, of his lover needily humping his ass in mid air was enough.

He groaned in pleasure as he took Jinyoung from behind, this time a little rougher until he eventually hit a sweet spot, causing the other to arch his back once more in a loud moan. He pounded into Jinyoung, unrelenting to cries of pain and pleasure that emerged from the other’s mouth. As he began to feel worn, he leaned in on Jinyoung’s back and whispers into the other’s ears.

“Fuck it f-feels so good…J-jinyoung-ie…ugh…fuck.”

“S-sseun…sseun-ah…ahhh…more…ahhh…yes…yes…”, the man moaned, lolling his head back and brushing his cheek against Jackson’s.

“J-jinyoung-ie I think…I think I love you. I think…I really really…ugh…love you.”, he whispered as he closed his eyes, his voice almost weeping, so softly like it’s a sacred vow.

The other man went silent, with only muffled moans emerging from his lips. Jackson snapped his eyes open insecurely when he felt the man move his head away from his cheeks. He eyed Jinyoung who now smothered his own face into the pillow, his knuckles whitening as his grip on the sheets tightened further. Jackson watched as Jinyoung timidly leaned on one side of his face to glance at the man thrusting into him.

“M-me too.”, he whispered, before smothering his face back into the pillow, his ears blushing into a deep red.

The worried frown on Jackson’s face disappeared, as his flushed cheeks broke into a small grin at those two words.

“Jinyoung-ie, you’re so fucking cute.”

It takes awhile. But this time, they came together. 

\---------------

As they both lay in bed, legs intertwined, Jackson wrapped his arms around the other man, leaning his chest onto the man’s back as he hummed happily. Jinyoung took in the scent of the other man. His senses heightened from the sweat and musk mixed with a distinct fruity smell of olive oil that filled the room. He turned around to face Jackson, who grinned like a satisfied puppy at him as they snuggled closer.

“You’re so…wild during sex. It’s so different from your usual dorky self.”, Jinyoung breathed while running a finger down the chest of the other.

For a moment Jackson was taken aback by the uncharacteristic forwardness of the man in his arms before he broke back into his usual cheeky grin.

“Well, I am a man of many charms after all.”, he beamed proudly. He puffed up his chest, causing the other to burst into a giggle and slap it playfully. Jinyoung fell silent for a moment as if remembering something. He looked up at Jackson with a mirthful smirk, leaning into his ear.

“You’re right though, I think I like the missionary position best. Very vanilla, but very romantic… _Sseun-ie_ ”, he whispered playfully into Jackson’s reddening ear.

His smile faltered and his eyes widened as he felt something slowly harden between his legs.

He leaned back to look at Jackson, whose face was now flushed with a pink tinge at his words.

Jinyoung guffawed as the other pouted and pulled him into a kiss.

“You really just know how to drive me nuts, don’t you… _Jinyoung-ie._ ”, Jackson murmured softly, smiling against his lover’s lips.

\---------------


	8. Extra Page, A Good Man.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung's mom only has one wish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a reminder in case ya'll forgot "~~" means all the flashbacks ended and its now in the present time!

\-------------

~ Spring, 1984 ~

A quiet and unassuming small town sat on the outskirts of the bustling city nearby. The grassy knolls that dominated its landscape were starting to bloom with wildflowers of all kinds, as butterflies flitted around daintily. The untamed fields crept into a small compound where a two story building, painted a sunny yellow, stood. The weather was cool and pleasant that morning, as a flock of young, excited children emerged from the wooden double doors of the main entrance. They huddled together before scattering to play a game of soccer with the kind of reverie and joy that would fade as they aged.

A young girl limped cheerlessly towards the shade of a large oak tree and sat down to stare out at the rest. She was wearing a slightly faded pink, dotted dress with a matching pink pin to hold up bangs of soft curls that otherwise fell over her shoulders. A slightly older boy who didn’t join game had the side of his body leaned against the oak tree and noticed the young girl, who buried her face into her knees. He moved forward to sit beside her.

The girl looked up when she heard a soft, hesitant voice. She noticed the boy beside her and turned to face him. She looked at a faded bruise under his left eye and his bottom lip that had a small split in the corner of his mouth. He wore a long-sleeved pullover a little too large for his scrawny frame, its sleeves hung out from his arms and only revealed the tips of his fingers.

“Why aren’t you playing?”, he asks, prompting her to slowly lift up the hem of her dress and reveal her leg, which was bandaged, the cast removed not long ago.

“I want to but I can’t…oh”, her voice trailed off, gasping softly at the line of burn marks that tainted the boy’s wrist when he lifts up a hand to push back his tussled hair. He noticed her reaction. He knew why. It wasn’t the first time.

“My dad was an alcoholic…so social services left me here.”, he shrugged, almost a little too blithely. But his voice betrayed his airy demeanour. It was laced with a little resentment.

“I’m...I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stare.”, she stammered, pressing her lips together as her eyes darted to the grass beneath her feet. The boy smiles reassuringly and tells her its okay. He asks her about her leg. She says quietly that it was from a car accident as her gaze fell upon her much younger sister, who timidly kicked the ball to another child, eagerly motioning at her. The girl fights back tears as the boy pats her back gently.

\-------------

~ Spring, 1993 ~

The girl and the boy, now a little older but still a little young, laid side by side in their school uniforms on a creased single bed. They murmured in hushed tones that was meant only for each other’s ears. The boy beams at her as he talked about his hopes and dreams. She smiles sweetly in return and whispers that she will always be there to support him. He smiles back.

\-------------

~ Fall, 1994 ~ 

In an otherwise empty classroom, the boy and the girl argue. The room had a warm orange tint from the golden hour that contrasted the tense atmosphere between them. The girl hung her head as she sobbed while the boy had his arms crossed, his head turned away and his brows furrowed in distress.

The girl repeated to him tearfully that she can’t do it.

He turned around to grab her shoulders, eyes imploring while he spluttered that he can’t take care of it.

He had his whole life planned out.

_We can’t afford this…we’re not ready…_

She didn’t reply and merely cried. Her cries were of inconsolable anguish.

\-------------

The girl laid down in a blue dotted hospital gown that was drenched in sweat, causing it to cling to her skin. She looked on solemnly at her young sister who was cradling and cooing at the fragile life in her arms. The beige door across the room slid open slowly, revealing two figures familiar to the girl standing behind it.

A gangly priest squeezes his hand on the shoulder of the boy standing in front of him.

The boy’s face was filled with resentment.

It was a look the girl had seen many times before. She felt a sharp stab in her heart as she realized that she was now the cause of it.

Helpless cries of a newborn filled the room and drew everyone’s attention. The boy’s face softened upon seeing the child, prompting the girl’s sister to beckon towards him. She gently slips the newborn in his arms.

He looked hesitantly at the scrunched face of the child. His child.

He feels a lump in his throat, utterly guilt-ridden.

He cuddled the newborn, a little awkwardly and cooed gently. His voice soothed the newborn who gradually stops crying. He looked on, his eyes moistening a little.

 _I_ _’ll never lay a hand on you. I’ll never hurt you._

\-------------

~Fall, 1998 ~

The child stared at his father seated across him with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he pushed the bits of broccoli off the dining table.

“Jinyoung-ah, stop it. Don’t do that okay?”, the young man sighs wearily as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

The child doesn’t relent. He was a child after all. He was just a child. As if to challenge his father, he playfully giggled, smearing his hand across the table, the bits of food now flying around. His giggles were innocent and guiltless, his giggles were of pure, unadultered joy. But his father couldn’t understand it. Even when his father was a child much like himself, he never was able to understand childlike innocence, no matter how much he might have wanted to.

“Honey…I don’t think it’s going to work out you know.”, his wife lamented, her back facing him as she sliced away at the onions on the chopping board.

“It’s just the recession, it’ll pick up back soon.”, he muttered, tired of the same lines he heard before.

“Why don’t you consider getting a stable job? Think about Jinyoung-ie. He’s going to have to go to school soon too.”

The young man winces, he feels a suffocating grip in his chest as he rests his forehead on his hand propped on the table. He looked on wearily at the child who was smothered sloppily in food. His small hands still smearing across the table accidentally sent his father's plate clattering on the floor. The young man snaps in rage.

“I TOLD YOU TO STOP IT JINYOUNG-AH!"

His sudden outburst caused the young toddler to burst out down in tears as his wife turned back, startled.

\-------------

~ Fall, 2001 ~ 

“Honey, can you help with rent for this month? I had to pay for the hospital bills for Jinyoung-ie’s appendicitis that came last month. They told me I couldn’t hold it off any longer.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have the money right now…I’ll get it later. I’m working on a new investment, it’s really promising this time.”

The young woman grimaced at her husband, exhaustion laced in her voice as she breaks down. Where does the money always go? Does she always have to do everything? He’s never around. Doesn’t he ever think about how Jinyoung feels?

He snaps back at her.

“Have you ever once thought about how I felt? No, you didn’t. You never cared about what I felt. You just did whatever the hell you wanted!”, the woman seethes at him.

“Then why did you show up at the hospital?”

“Are you seriously bringing this up again?”

“I didn’t ask you to come back in my life!”

“How could I have not? Whether I wanted him or not he’s my fucking son!”

“Are…are you even listening to yourself? Can you even call yourself a father right now?”

A heavy silence envelops the room as the man sighs in frustration. A sniffle causes them to whip their heads towards the room door across the hall. The boy peered out through the slightly opened door. 

“J-jinyoung-ah...”

The boy slams the door back shut.

~ ~

\-------------

~ Fall, 2019 ~

The woman murmurs a sincere prayer. She takes a long breath before opening her eyes. She was seated by the hospital bed and looking pitifully at the gaunt man lying on it.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” He weeps.

She pats his hand gently.

She tells him it doesn’t matter anymore.

She looked out of the ward at her son who turned away, disappearing off into the corridor as Jaebeom waves at her reassuringly. She turned back to gaze at the man lying beside her, a soft smile spread gently across her face.

“For a long time, I thought about what it would feel like to see you again. I thought I would be angry or maybe even sad.”

“It’s funny but the moment I saw you again, I felt nothing, like my heart was empty.”

She stood up and leaned to look out the window.

_There’s nothing left in it for you. It’s funny because, a long time ago, there was nothing in it but you._

\-------------

~ Early Spring, 2020~

As she leans forward to look out the balcony window, her gaze falls upon the asphalt grounds down below. She watches as Jackson and Jinyoung bicker, walking with their hands clasped as they strolled across the parking lot.

_Mom…I…I love him. I think I love him._

She looks on as Jinyoung whispers into Jackson’s ear.

_Jinyoung-ie…we were so young, we were too young…from the moment you were born, your dad and I brought you nothing but pain._

Jackson releases their grip and stalks off ahead of him, prompting Jinyoung to laugh loudly as he playfully calls after him.

_I’m just glad that you finally found someone who can make you happy. Because that’s all I ever wanted. I just want you to be happy._

Jackson stops at the gate, his back still facing Jinyoung as he reaches his hand out behind. Jinyoung smirks and takes it, swinging their arms happily as they walk out the apartment complex gate.

She looks on at the two men as they turn down the street and slowly disappear from her sight.

_Didn’t I tell you Jinyoung-ie? He’s a good man…eventhough at the time, you just didn’t know it yet._

She smiles as she turns back and walks back into the living room, humming softly.

\-------------

_“neither of us is happy_

_but neither of us wants to leave_

_so we keep breaking one another_

_and calling it love”_

_-_ Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next full chapter I’m working on is like a brief interlude before I get back to wrap up the final chapter of the main story!


	9. Page 7, B'Chill.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At BamBam’s café, a drama unfolds. Jackson decides to play cupid, causing Jaebeom to declare BamBam his rival in love. BamBam is super confused and just wants to drink his latte in peace. Also, Jinyoung resolves to never mess with Youngjae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is especially dedicated to RINKIMU <3 ily for the notes that really do help me compartmentalize what I vomit out lol and for just being super nice and supportive. Hope you enjoy this lil tangent about the side characters.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this LONG ASS chapter. It’s a continuous narrative but I split it in three acts for each couple, so take your time reading it. It’s meant for stress relief HAHA.

\-------------------

_Act 1, You’re my type._

The air was still a little chilly, but the pleasant warmth from the sun brought about the flourish of flowers and trees across the city. In particular, a once barren peach tree by the wooden bench outside the entrance of Jinyoung’s apartment complex was starting to blossom into a lovely shade of pink. Tiny flowers began to dot, almost haltingly, the ridges of the branches that emerged from it. Jinyoung noted that although the building manager was kind of a dick all the fucking time for no apparent reason, he was pretty dedicated to landscaping, ardently maintaining the compound whenever he could.

Jinyoung noted that, as he looked down at the balding head of said building manager who was working on the soil of the peach tree directly beneath the balcony window. He smirked as he squeezed the damp laundry in his hands a little too tightly, causing drops of cold water to splatter on the unsuspecting man below. Snickering childishly, he quickly scampered back to the side of the balcony, out of sight from the window. Angered shouts of a man echoed faintly. He leaned back against the tiled wall and smiled, a little too pleased with himself.

Not many people knew this side of Jinyoung, he was always a little mischievous. A little playful. But something always weighed down on him. Always troubling him, causing him to suppress his emotions to numb the pain. All his emotions. It just invariably made him seem stoic most of the time.

But he felt a little lighter these days. As if whatever that weighed down on him had been lifted. Ever so slightly.

“Jinyoung-ie? What are you doing, are you done with the laundry?”, his mother’s pops into the balcony, peering at her son curiously.

“H-huh? Yeah.”, he grins at her, clearly in a great mood thanks to a certain balding man. She smiles noting that her son seems more carefree these days.

She walks into the balcony and grabs the empty basket while humming back to the living room. Her son pegs the wringed shirt onto the laundry line and follows suit. He crashes onto the couch and fiddles with his phone, checking for a text. Just a few spam messages, and a couple from a bunch of people Jinyoung didn’t feel like reading. A teeny bit of disappointment made his heart fall as he scrolled through his chats, laying his eyes upon one whose name was simply saved as puppy.

“How’s Jackson doing these days? I haven’t seen him around.”, she sits herself beside her son, turning on the television and filling freshly folded clothes into the empty basket.

“Good I guess...he’s a bit busy with school these days”, Jinyoung mumbles. He didn’t really know how Jackson was doing actually, they’ve hardly been able to meet recently what with Jackson’s graduation show being just around the corner.

He subconsciously pouts a little, which does not go unnoticed by the woman folding laundry beside him.

“Haha, you must miss him then.”, she teases her son. It works. Because mother knows best after all. He blushes a pink tinge. A pink tinge that incidentally mimicked the pink shade of the peach blossoms a balding man was delicately tending to outside.

“Will you be eating lunch at home today?”, she asks, laughing at her bashful son. He shakes his head lightly, attention still rapt towards his phone screen, and tells her that he’s meeting a friend.

Apparently, Youngjae had someone he really wanted Jinyoung to meet. Jinyoung figured he could take a stab at who it was but played along with Youngjae anyway, pretending to the younger that he wondered who it could possibly be.

\-------------------

He walks out of the lift. Distracted and fumbling with the buttons of his green trench coat, he accidentally bumped into a firm chest which emanated a familiar musk. A pleasant musk that tickled Jinyoung’s heart. His face lit up as he looked up to face the man.

“Hey sunshine, long time no see.”, the man beamed at him, finally able to sport his favourite black leather jacket again without freezing to death. Jinyoung looks on affectionately as he tugs lightly at the edge of the jacket.

Jackson seemed exhausted, his hair a little greasy and his calloused hands gripped onto a small duffel bag slung on his shoulders. Very broad shoulders, Jinyoung noted as his hands traced up Jackson’s chest unconsciously and tugged at his collar, pulling the man in for a small peck.

“Long time no see, Sseun-ie.”, he breathed against the other man’s lips.

Jackson smiled into his boyfriend’s plump lips. He could really get used to this new pet name of his.

\-------------------

“Why are you coming along again?”, Jinyoung narrowed his eyes at Jackson walking a little behind him. The man reaches out to pull him into a handhold as they strolled across the parking lot, both ignoring the looks of disapproval sent their way from a balding man crouched over the peach tree.

“Because I wanna meet this Youngjae guy. You always talk about him so I wanna know who this guy is and what’s so special about him. Why? Am I not welcome?”, Jackson pouts at him. Jinyoung missed that pout. And he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. He giggles and leans in closer to whisper into Jackson’s ear.

“Are you jealous, Sseun-ie?”

“I’m not.”, the man sneers, turning away his gaze in a huff.

“You’re so cute when you’re jealous.”, Jinyoung mutters breathily into his ear. Jackson purses his lips together, trying hard not to break into a smile.

“Don’t play with my feelings like this Jinyoung-ie.”, he mutters back, half-playful and half-pretending to still be mad. Well, not that he ever was mad.

He _was_ slightly jealous of this Youngjae guy though. Jinyoung always spoke of him fondly. And yes, he also always spoke fondly of Jaebeom too, but Jackson knew Jaebeom. This Youngjae person, though, was an enigma to Jackson, a faceless enigma.

He tried looking up the man on social media. Not that he would ever admit it to Jinyoung, his boyfriend would just tease him relentlessly if he ever found out.

Like Jinyoung though, this Youngjae…fellow had practically no presence on any social media platform whatsover. A rarity in this day and age.

Just like Jinyoung.

No wonder they got on well.

_How close are they? Does Jinyoung feel more comfortable with him than Jackson?_

It was silly, of course, that these things bothered Jackson. But it did. Sometimes he felt like he wasn’t good enough for Jinyoung, that he wasn’t…right for him. That Jinyoung deserved someone better. Maybe someone like Youngjae…

“Jackson-ah…Sseun-ah?”, Jinyoung cocks his head worriedly to his side, nudging the shoulder of his boyfriend who was frowning, deep in thought.

“H-huh, what were you saying?”, he stuttered, snapping out of his delirium.

“I’m saying, that you don’t have to worry. Youngjae is so definitely not my type anyway.”, he chuckles, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand gently.

“Really? What’s your type then?”, Jackson prods, genuinely curious, half-expectant but mostly relieved. It was stupid, he knew. But just that line alone put him at ease. Well, not about his insecurities. But, at least this Youngjae guy was now far back in the long list of his worries.

“Hmmm…”, Jinyoung stares at the puppy eyes that bore into him expectantly. Those big brown adorable eyes that were begging to be teased.

Jinyoung couldn’t help it. Ever since he started dating Jackson, his playfulness just amps up to eleven, especially with the way Jackson always seemed so affected by everything he said. It was almost as if the tables had turned. He didn’t really understand why. Jackson seemed so sure of himself before they got together. So confident, so brazen. But Jinyoung wasn’t complaining. He kind of likes this side of Jackson too. Maybe it was just the way Jackson was sometimes, so he doesn’t really think much of it.

“Hmmm…I guess, someone who loves to read, like me, someone who is a cat-lover, it’ll be nice if he has a couple of cats…oh and definitely taller than me, for sure-”, he muses, in a slightly mocking tone, trying hard not to burst out laughing.

“You should just date Jaebeom hyung then.”, Jackson sneers, before wringing his hand out of Jinyoung’s grip and stalking off ahead in a huff.

“HAHA, Sseun-ah!”, Jinyoung bursts out in a booming laughter, almost keeling over from the man’s outrage.

“Sseun-iee…I’m kidding.”, he calls out playfully after Jackson.

The man ignores him.

“I’m allergic to cats you know.”, Jinyoung cooes at him.

Jackson finally stops at the apartment gate, back still facing him.

“Me too.”, Jackson mumbles softly, before reaching out his hand behind him.

But Jinyoung heard him, smirking as he grabs the outstretched hand and swings it happily as they walk out of the gate together.

“My type is just you… _Sseun-ie_.”, he croons into the man’s ear. Jackson couldn’t hold himself any longer. He breaks out into a wide cheeky grin. Jackson turns to look up at his slightly taller but equally cheeky boyfriend, his adorable, big brown puppy eyes melting into Jinyoung’s mirthful gaze.

\-------------------

_Act 2, Beware of Otters_

As they approach a white, window paneled door, Jackson frowns at the name of the shop, decaled in matching white cursive letters on the full-length window that peered into the entire café.

“Hey, I know this place.”, he mumbles, trying to recall something. His boyfriend turns to him and hums questioningly as he opened the door causing a soft tinkle of chimes to echo throughout the establishment.

“Yeah! its Bambam’s family-”, Jackson exclaims, while following him in from behind.

“Hyung? And nerd! What are you guys doing here?”, the young man quips at the two men approaching the marble top counter.

A lanky, young man dressed a little too affluently to just be any regular part time employee at his age. He looks up from behind the register. His silver bracelets clink softly as he puts down his phone that he was scrolling through mindlessly.

“I have a name you know.”, Jinyoung gripes, gaze piercing into the man who remains unaffected and continued smirking at him.

“Yeah Jin-nerd or somethin’ right.”, Jinyoung rolls his eyes. Jackson punches the smug man in the arm, causing the younger to wince a little but he still manages to maintain a playful grin.

“Are you guys here for a date?”, he exclaims a little loudly, darting his eyes to the corner of the café.

“Hyung!! Over here!!!”, a voice booms throughout the café. A voice so bright it would probably light up the whole room if it wasn’t broad daylight right now. Jinyoung turns and beams at his cute junior waving excitedly at him. It immediately disappears though, as his attention falls upon the man seated beside his cute junior, whose gaze darkens equally once their eyes met.

A man who was decidedly so _not_ cute, according to Jinyoung.

Jackson’s eyes slowly widen as BamBam looks on, utterly pleased at the drama that was about to unfold before his eyes.

“Y-you’re blondie?”, Jinyoung gapes while his brain slowly puts two and two together. Youngjae, on the other hand, is utterly baffled by the animosity and tension that suddenly filled the air. BamBam slips his phone into his pocket, more entertained by the reality in front of him for the first time that day.

Mark shoots a look at Jackson, who merely closed his eyes and let out a silent groan.

Jackson knows that look. He hates that look. And quite frankly, he reasoned with himself, he didn’t actually have to deal with that look anymore. He leans over to his boyfriend who was still processing the current situation, his mind working at full capacity.

“You know what Jinyoung, I change my mind, you have fun! I’ll just go back home, I haven’t showered either you know-”, he sniffs his pits as he spits out rapid-fire excuses, trying to make a run for it.

Jinyoung, still gaping at the two men, grabs onto the back collar of his boyfriend trying to skedaddle the fuck out of there. He was not going to suffer alone.

“I KNEW IT! SO HE WAS YOUR BITCH JACKS!”, the man screeches, a little too loudly, attracting the full attention of all the patrons in the room. The word instantly blew a fuse in Jinyoung’s brain as he snapped out of his daze.

He growled at the blond man across the room, storming menacingly towards the man who stood up in defiance.

Jackson felt an odd sense of dejavu emerge as he realized what was about happen.

“What the fuck did you say? I fucking told you I’m nobody’s bitch.”, he seethes, grabbing the collars of the man who merely puffs out his chest and tilts his head up to taunt Jinyoung.

“Oh no…oh no uh Youngjae-shi…”, Jackson motions towards the still confused man to stop the two as he dashed across the room in panic. But he was too late this time as Jinyoung socks one in Mark’s eye, who yanks on his hair in return. BamBam watches over in amusement, deliberating whether he should take a video to commemorate this moment but decides against it. Jackson would probably kill him.

Before Mark could land the second punch, Jackson grabs a hold of Jinyoung’s waist, plying him off the other. He was struggling though, as the enraged man continued to lunge forward. Youngjae stammers at Mark to stop it. But Mark, too engrossed in his own rage, doesn’t hear him and tries to grab a hold of Jinyoung again. Youngjae repeats his pleas again, only to be ignored. His face twitches as a vein pops out in his neck.

“WILL YOU FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY!”, he bellows, his voice reverberating throughout the room, probably sending shockwaves through the city, the scuffle immediately stopping as hell freezes over. His face reddens, glaring at Mark who immediately releases his grip on Jinyoung’s collar and stares down at the floor, like a child who was about to be punished. Jinyoung and Jackson gape at the man seething in anger. Jackson who still has his arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s waist, cowers behind his back as Youngjae turns to Jackson loathingly.

“Why are you so mad at him? Do you…still love him or something?”, Youngjae spits back at the blond man. His trembling finger pointed accusingly at the man hiding behind a stunned Jinyoung. The blond man who had his head hung and his arms clasped in front of him, looks up in panic and begins to stammer.

“No..nono! It’s not like that! I just…he just…”, he splutters as if coming back to his senses.

He turns his gaze to glower at Jackson, finger now pointing accusingly at the man as well.

Jackson regretted a lot of things in his life. As he looked at the two fingers pointing at him, he realized that following Jinyoung here in a fit of childish jealousy is now definitely one of them.

“…Y-you lying scumbag, you told me it wasn’t about anyone else. But it was! You were actually sleeping around with…with a third-rate whore!”, Mark spluttered, eyes now widened in full blown panic as he tried to salvage the situation he technically started. Not that he would ever admit it though. He whipped his head back to look at Youngjae pleadingly.

“They played me for a fucking fool babe…”, he whimpered, tears threatening to leak out. Tears that were most definitely not for show. Jackson could attest to that. And Youngjae too, probably.

Jinyoung had a strong urge to sock the blond man in the eye again as he lunges forward. This time Jackson manages to pull him back instinctively. Not without effort though, he noted. He felt Jinyoung up a little. Had he been working out recently?

The hand giving his pec a subtle squeeze did not go unnoticed by Jinyoung, who turned back at his boyfriend in disbelief.

_Seriously Jackson? Now?_

_What I can’t help it, you’re practically begging for it, tensing your muscles up like that._

They exchange wordless glances, as Jackson smirks at a scoffing Jinyoung. But it does soften Jinyoung a little, calming him down just a bit.

Youngjae however, was growing evidently more and more pissed with each line that left Mark’s mouth. Smoothing things over was definitely not one of his strong points as he continued to blabber on, digging a deeper and deeper grave in the ground with his name marked on it. Jackson could attest to that as well. And Youngjae too, probably.

“Hyung is _not a third-rate whore_. Don’t talk about my friends like that.”, he snarls at Mark, not giving in to the waterworks on display. Jackson was impressed with how Youngjae stood his ground. He didn’t really expect it from the first impression he got when the younger man cheerily greeted them from across the room.

Mark stares at him in shock, hurt evident through his tear-filled eyes as his lips started quivering.

“Y-you…you’re taking his side?”, he stares down at his feet again, as if in disbelief. He splutters before whipping his head back up at his boyfriend scornfully.

“If you -hic- can’t even take my side on something like this, then…then let’s just break up!”, he chokes back those last words as he rubs his eyes.

He runs out of the café and leaves behind three men who now have the full attention of the patrons in the room, anticipation in their curious gazes.

All, except BamBam who has now slipped out his phone to take notes on a possible draft for his scriptwriting assignment. Which was due on Monday, a day from now. And he hadn’t even mustered a proper sentence. There is no chill in this guy.

The three men in question, currently wore a colourful assortment of differing emotions for the onlookers’ viewing pleasure.

Youngjae is understandably dumbfounded as he takes off his oversized glasses to rub the bridge of his nose in exhaustion.

Jinyoung merely watches the blond man with a glazed look through the café window. He watches as the man keels over the sidewalk, sobbing loudly. _How dramatic._ Jinyoung notes dryly.

And Jackson, who-

Jinyoung casts a curious glance at his boyfriend, who had his hands clasped and eyes shut as if muttering in fervent prayer, before finishing off with the sign of a cross.

“I didn’t know you were religious Sseun-ie.”, he cocks an eyebrow mockingly at the man who was now standing beside him.

“I just feel so fucking blessed right now that I am not this guy.”, Jackson shrugs back while pointing at the man in front of him, who still has his fingers rubbing against his forehead.

“Don’t worry, I can handle this.”, Youngjae sighs as he puts back on his glasses, staring out at his boyfriend who was now crouched at the curb.

“Really?”, Jackson looked at the man in front of him with disbelief.

The blond man broke out into a wail that would almost seem comical if they didn’t sound so incredibly pained. People walking past the man looked on worriedly or amusedly, depending on whether they were assholes or nice.

“Yeah, just give me a moment.”, Youngjae stalks out of the café with firm and resolute steps. The two men look on curiously as their heads follow his movement, the gazes of the rest of the patrons following suit.

BamBam, who was deeply concentrated on the screen of his phone slowly frowned and immediately turned to glance out the window as if realizing something.

Everyone in the café watches on, gawking at the man who has walked up to tower over his sobbing boyfriend. The sobbing man gets up and tries to walk away, but his boyfriend grabs a hold of his wrist and pulls him back closer.

BamBam stares out with desperation, crossing his fingers as if he was hoping for a specific outcome.

The blond man sulks at his boyfriend’s words that couldn’t be heard no matter how much everyone inside tried to strain their ears. The man fumes and yells in response, his angry cries muffled through the café. His boyfriend merely cups his cheek and caresses it tenderly despite being lashed out on. 

“Ugh shit.” BamBam groans as he tosses his phone onto the counter top, crossing his arms.

Jackson taps Jinyoung’s shoulder, who was scoffing at the drama unfolding outside.

“Hey Jinyoung-ie I think we should just order first, this will probably take like a decade to settle down.”

“Ugh, I wish hyung.”, BamBam mutters loudly, casting a slide glance over to Jackson across the room. Jackson looks back, slightly confused his friend’s cryptic reaction.

Jinyoung nudges at his boyfriend and motions his head back to the two lovebirds outside, puzzling Jackson with his strange expression.

“H-hey, I could have sworn Youngjae bit that idiot’s ear.”, he gapes incredulously while lifting his finger to point out the window.

Jackson looks out at the two men. The two men who now emit a totally different atmosphere from just moments prior. Youngjae had now grabbed the back of his boyfriend’s head, pulling him close to his face as he whispered something in the other’s ear, causing the blond man to blush.

Jackson is impressed but still unconvinced that Mark is totally subdued at that point.

“Ha-ha, are you sure Jinyoung-ie? Maybe you’re just projecting another one of your dirty kinks- OW!”, he felt a pinch to his side, and scrunched his face briefly at the man beside him who was watching the drama unfolding, utterly enraptured.

Jackson turns back to stare out the window as well. His skeptical look slowly faded into one of awe as Mark slowly stops sobbing, nodding submissively to the other’s whispers.

BamBam groans in frustration.

“Oh great. I’m going to have to clean the fucking bathroom again. I swear I should just charge this two exclusively for my extra work.”, he mutters as he goes back to typing into his phone again, conceding to his sealed fate.

Jinyoung and Jackson watches on in awe with matching gapes as Youngjae pulls onto the hand of his now docile boyfriend back into the café. Jinyoung felt his hair on his skin stand when he saw the gaze of his normally fluffy and jolly friend.

The two men are oblivious to the surroundings and the onlookers as they walk past everyone whose eyes were glued on them. They were in their own fucking world.

The bathroom door slams behind.

Jinyoung tries to collect his thoughts for a moment again, his brain once more working feverishly at full capacity before it jams up and he gives up for now.

He nudges the shoulder of his still gaping boyfriend.

“Yeahhh…I think you’re right. Let’s just order first. This will probably take a while.”

\---------------------

_Act 3, Focus on me._

A considerable amount of time passed, causing everyone in the establishment to move on with their lives, almost forgetting about the drama earlier. Well, trying their best to, as much as they could. This contrasted their desire, just about half an hour earlier, to whip their phones out and record everything. But no one did. They were too afraid of a certain man with a beautiful sunny smile. 

By now though, most of the patrons already left in discomfort, leaving only two men shuffling in their seats restlessly as they poked at their food with not much appetite, stealing occasional glances at each other.

BamBam seemed unperturbed by everything, only slightly annoyed, shooting a glare once in a while at the bathroom door when an occasional muffled moan emerged.

Jinyoung put down his fork onto his salad, giving up on trying to muster up an appetite. He clears his throat, wanting to ask Jackson to leave when he notices his boyfriend hadn’t touched his sandwich at all and was merely scrolling through his phone distractedly.

Right at that moment, the bathroom door creaks wide open as the two men of the hour step out.

The blond man fumbled out behind the other, his cheeks still flushed and forehead glistening with sweat. Jinyoung notices something he wished he could unsee. His gaze involuntarily traced from the pinkish bruise at the corner of Mark’s eyes which was courtesy of him, down to the slightly exposed collarbone of the man covered in pinkish bruises as well, which were most definitely not courtesy of him.

Youngjae, though, came out of the bathroom looking utterly refreshed. His face was as bright and smooth as a baby’s bottom, beaming cheerfully without a trace of shame at the two men who stared back at them. The other two men who were a little amused but mostly _very uncomfortable._

“Ugh, I need a fucking drink.”, BamBam groans painfully at the bathroom door that was slightly still ajar before turning back to the coffee machine beside him to grab a mug.

As Youngjae pulls out a seat for the extremely and unusually quiet Mark, Jackson marvels at the man.

“Woah…your taming abilities are world class dude. Got any tips to spare for me?”, he quips playfully, winking at Youngjae who seemed sincerely confused by his statement.

“OW!”, Jackson winces as he turns to pout at his boyfriend who hissed at him. He grins cheekily in response before turning his attention back to Youngjae who sat himself beside the blond man, who uncharacteristically, still hasn’t said a word. 

“But honestly, I’m really impressed...never thought this was even possible.”, he paused before eyeing a very passive and subdued Mark seated across from him.

“Yeah sure, let’s see how impressed you are when you have to clean up after _that_.”, a salty BamBam complains, sticking out his thumb to point at the bathroom door behind his back before resting his hand on the counter to top his latte with a little foam.

The chimes at the entrance tinkle softly as two men enter the cafe. One of them, a little taller than the other and walked with a slight hunch in his shoulders. He was dressed in all black, from his skinny jeans to his tank top and black snapback which hid his hair that was dyed shades of ashen grey. He had a meek demeanour, pursing his lips shyly for no reason, as his eyes darted to the counter where BamBam stood. This did not go unnoticed by his companion who was now standing by him.

His companion had recently gotten his hair styled in a mullet, nobody knew why but everyone is goddamn thankful for it. His long light brown trench coat flowed across his knees at the gust of wind blowing in when he entered.

“Jinyoung?”, Jaebeom calls out to the back of a man uncertainly.

“Oh? Jaebeom-ah, what are you doing here? This doesn’t seem like your kind of establishment.”, Jinyoung whips his head back in surprise, immediately recognizing the voice that called after him.

“And what kind of establishment would that be?”, BamBam snidely remarks at the nerd across the café. Jinyoung merely rolls his eyes back at him before turning back to his friend.

“Oh uhhh, Gyeom-mie says he loves the ice choco a part-timer makes here.”, he stammers shyly, blushing a deep red. For no fucking reason either. There was really no chill whatsover in whatever reactions these two men who just entered were making.

“Ugh rude…you told him I was a part-timer?”, BamBam shoots an offended look at the taller man who now leaned over the counter grinning widely and sticking his tongue out playfully at BamBam. Their obvious familiarity does not go unnoticed by Jackson and Jaebeom.

Mostly Jaebeom, who frowned, growing uneasy at the banter the two men at the counter easily fell into.

Jackson was more interested in pestering Youngjae for more tips, who merely blinked innocently in return, not understanding what Jackson was talking about. But Jackson was relentless, playfully ignoring the sharp glares his boyfriend threw him from the side. Mark meanwhile, looked like he was about to doze off from the whirlwind of emotions and turmoil that he put himself through earlier.

Jaebeom snaps out of his daze and approaches the table when Jinyoung calls him over.

He pulls an extra chair and sits himself between Jinyoung and Youngjae, who flashed him a broad smile.

_Wow, he’s…glowing._

Jaebeom merely returns a small, awkward grin, noting that the man looked really affable and sweet.

Jinyoung stares at Youngjae, who was seated in front of him, still in amazement. His brain worked at full capacity whenever he tried to make sense of his friend’s nature.

“Sooo…has there been any progress between you guys?”, Jackson peers at BamBam curiously. Jaebeom merely bit on his bottom lip.

Jinyoung shakes his head disapprovingly at his boyfriend, rolling his eyes.

“Seriously?”, Jackson blurts out in awe. “Dude, you really need to get your shit together.”, Jackson points at the two men at the counter who are now leaning over Bambam’s phone placed on the counter top, sniggering at a video blaring softly. Their faces a little too close for comfort.

Jaebeom grits his teeth at the sight.

“Why? What’s going on? Can I know?”, Youngjae asks before gasping softly in surprise, when he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder. His eyes radiated with warmth as he glanced at the blond man who now had his head leaned against him.

_So innocent._

Jaebeom notes as he looks hesitatingly at Youngjae. Jaebeom wasn’t the type to divulge about his lovelife. Or his lack of it. And certainly not with a stranger he just met. But the man seemed nice.

“W-well..okay I guess…”, he starts, clasping his hands together and resting it on the table as he leaned forward, looking at the white wall ahead bashfully.

The two men on his right merely let out a synchronised silent groan as they rolled their eyes, glancing at each other. Jinyoung flashes a confused Youngjae a pained look. Jackson falls into another fervent prayer. Jaebeom begins recounting to Youngjae a preliminary background into his dilemma.

At first, Youngjae listens on sympathetically to Jaebeom as he slowly reveals his predicament. Even Mark had shot his eye open a little lazily, growing absorbed in the mullet-haired man’s insecurities as if he totally related to the man’s plight.

But then seconds turn into minutes, turning into a goddamn eternity as Jaebeom comes up with more outlandish and dramatic scenarios of things that could go horribly wrong, if he _confessed._

Mark is still absorbed, now sitting up straight and nodding faithfully at his storyteller while Jackson shoots him a _“Don’t encourage him”_ look pleadingly.

Jinyoung on the other hand, notices the growing agitation and annoyance spreading across Youngjae’s face at Jaebeom’s rambling, which never seems to cease.

Suddenly, the group is drawn to a loud laughter that died down into soft, playful giggles at the counter. The four men stared at BamBam and Yugyeom clowning around with each other, doing weird dances and even a secret handshake as they chatter on, totally lost in their own world.

“Huh. How about that, BamBam never told me he was close to Kim Yugyeom. And he would totally brag about knowing a celebrity.”, Jackson marvels as Yugyeom slinging an arm around BamBam, who was now sipping his latte peacefully. He chortles at something Yugyeom whispers into his ear.

“W-who’s that?”, Jaebeom glances at Jackson, a little desperately. Jackson glints, the gears in his head turning as he smirks back at Jaebeom devilishly.

“Oh…BamBam? He’s a good friend of mine.”, he says breezily, leaning back to rest against his chair. Jinyoung looks at him curiously.

Jaebeom clenches his hands into balls of fists as the two men at the counter grew more and more handsy. Well, it was mostly Yugyeom doing the touching. BamBam was more annoyed that he hadn’t been able to enjoy a decent sip of his latte due to the other man’s incessant groping and teasing.

Jaebeom widens his eyes at the scene unfolding and splutters back at Jackson.

“Is it possible that dude is like…you know?”

“Who BamBam? Yep. He’s gay if that’s what you’re asking. Like a 100%. Since the dawn of time. No chance he would even swing the other way.”, Jackson utters each word deliberately, watching Jaebeom slowly losing his last strand of sanity.

Jaebeom goes into a full-blown panic as he sinks his forehead into one hand, resting his elbow on the table. He looks like he was going to suffer a complete meltdown as Jackson adds insult to injury, smirking a little.

“But BamBam is kind of a player tho so I doubt he’d be serious about Yugyeom. I wouldn’t worry about it.”, a faux-innocent grin spreading across his face.

A grin Jinyoung was very familiar with, as he crossed his arms, eyeing his boyfriend suspiciously.

“What?! But what if Yugyeom really falls for him?”, he darts back his eyes at Yugyeom who pouts at BamBam for pushing him away. BamBam who was still trying to bring his mug of latte that was now growing cold to his lips.

Jaebeom whines and starts rambling out loud again turning back and forth to Jinyoung and Youngjae whom he sat between. Should he go and warn Yugyeom? But what if Yugyeom isn’t serious either? Would he look like a fool? How would he explain himself? But what if Yugyeom _was_ serious and got hurt?

Jaebeom mutters helplessly at Youngjae, totally oblivious to the other man’s growing annoyance. Jinyoung notices though, sliding his chair a little further and further back with each sentence Jaebeom splutters out at the agitated man. Mark watches with a dark haze in his eyes at his boyfriend’s expression contorting into something otherworldly, earning a scrunched look of disgust from Jackson.

“If you like him so much then tell him!”, Youngjae finally snaps, seething at the shocked man seated by his side. Mark just looks on lovingly, murmuring that Youngjae is so hot when he’s angry, earning a matching look of disgust from both Jinyoung and Jackson.

“Y-youre right..b-but...”, Jaebeom splutters back in response, totally taken aback by the man’s sudden change in demeanour.

“BUT NOTHING OKAY. IF YOU ARE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT HIM, JUST TELL HIM THAT YOURE NOT LIKE ANY OTHER ASSHOLE OUT THERE WHOS PLAYING AROUND.”, Youngjae barks at the top of his lungs, causing Jaebeom to shut up instantly and gape at him. 

“Now go and stop yammering in my ear before I do something you’ll regret.”, he hisses in a tone so demanding that it instinctively causes Jaebeom to nod submissively.

Mark slaps Youngjae’s chest and grumbles at him not to flirt with other people like that. Jackson is so completely done with Mark while Jinyoung makes a mental note to never mess with his junior.

Jaebeom takes a long breath and gathers his nerves before casting a glance at Youngjae, who stares daggers into his soul. He doubles back and immediately gets up, stalking nervously towards the two men at the counter. The two men stop bickering and share a puzzled look as Jaebeom glances at them nervously. He shoots a glare at BamBam who had his mug in his hand, latte still untouched.

“Y-you better watch it.”, he stammers angrily, his tone slightly awkward and hesitant as BamBam looks on utterly baffled at the animosity. He jabs a finger at his chest to push away BamBam who was leaning a little too closely to Yugyeom, causing his latte to spill over.

Jaebeom turns back to a completely stunned Yugyeom, gathering all the resolve he had before he continued.

“He…he could be playing with you but I..I’m definitely serious…about you. Kim Yugyeom. I like you. I really like you. So, don’t be swayed by players like him okay. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”, he stammers, blushing a beet red, immediately losing the eye contact he had briefly established with the man.

Yugyeom takes a moment to process the man’s words before it finally dawned on him what was happening. A blush slowly spreads across his face as well. The two of them blush together, like a pair of fucking tomatoes, as BamBam looks down dejectedly at his spilled drink, feeling utterly confused and wronged.

Jackson’s grin now spreads across his face, pleased as a punch with himself as he leaned the back of his head into clasped hands. Jinyoung cocks his head at the man staring dejectedly at his latte before leaning over to his boyfriend.

“BamBam’s gay?”, he whispers into Jackson’s ear, illiciting a smirk in response.

“Nope. He’s straight as a fucking rod.” Jackson smiles, sticking his tongue out playfully at his boyfriend who giggles at the revelation.

You’re unbelievably diabolical. And I love it.”, Jinyoung smirks back, squeezing the man’s cheek.

“I learned from the best.”, Jackson quips, causing Jinyoung to break out into a booming laugh.

They watch as Jaebeom shyly takes Yugyeom’s hand to lead him out of the café for a more private conversation. The two men snicker as they do a little high five that ends in them linking their pinkies as they turn back to their table, missing the change in Yugyeom’s expression as he walks out.

The man shares bashful glances each time Jaebeom turns around to look at him shyly. When Jaebeom turns away however, his bashful smile turns into a playful smirk.

_Sorry Bam. He was getting too frustrating I had to do something._

Jackson's voice rings out through the café as the two men leave the door.

“Hey, where’s Mark and Youngjae?”

“Oh my god, seriously?”, Bambam groans in disbelief.

The bathroom door slams.

“Ugh can’t I catch a fucking break?!”

\-------------------

“I can’t whistle but I can do skrrt skrrt.”

\- King Double B.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JB’s mullet era was bomb and I miss it desperately so I made an AU where everyone fking concedes to that. So don’t @me cause I rlly don’t give a shit pwahaha.


	10. Page 8, Part I, I Think I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung and Jackson go through a rough patch. Jaebeom proves he's the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. Yugyeom’s love for Jaebeom transcends his cat allergies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its a whole fking crying, wailing fking mess, my loves. Like seriously. It’s a lot a lot of crying. 
> 
> Usually the previous chapters go from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds or just smacks you in the face with a solid 100 heartache. Well, here it goes from 0 to 500 to -50 in 10 seconds. You’re in for a fking joyride :)

\------------

Jackson hummed softly as he laid his head snuggly into the soft warmth of his boyfriend’s thighs. He scrolled through his phone, lazily letting his other arm hang off the edge of the sofa, shaking his legs that stretched out to rest on one end of the sofa arm. His movements caused the other man to vibrate slightly, but the man didn’t seem to mind.

Jinyoung had his eyes glued to his own phone, rapt in attention at something he was watching as he absentmindedly chewed on the sides of a finger, resting his elbow against the other end of the sofa arm. His lips curled up involuntarily once in a while, almost as if in pride.

“Oh? HAHAH.”, Jackson cackled, tapping his boyfriend’s chest.

“Ya Jinyoung-ie, your best friend who went nuts for two whole years about his supposedly secret crush finally went public. Heehee…the comments are fucking priceless though.”

Jackson laughed in that distinct screechy, child-like voice of his as he recited a few lines out to his boyfriend who merely hummed distractedly in response.

_wait they weren’t dating before this?_

_Is this even considered a dating scandal?_

_dude, this is like waking up to a message from my parents telling me they’re getting married lol._

“Jinyoung-ie? Are you listening?”, Jackson turned up to look at his boyfriend’s face and scratched the stubble on the man’s chin to get his attention. Jinyoung merely hummed again in response and stroked through the locks of his boyfriend gently with his free hand.

Jackson pouted, causing the man to pause the screen when he darted his eyes briefly down to the other. That pout was one Jinyoung couldn’t resist and Jackson knew it, growing more and more skillful in utilizing it to his advantage these days.

“Sorry, what?”, his boyfriend looked down. Jackson didn’t miss the way the man’s eye whiskers crinkled brightly, which he wouldn't do without reason. He frowned as he sat up, craning his neck to catch a glimpse of Jinyoung's phone screen.

“What are you watching?”, he mumbled curiously. Jinyoung merely chuckled and tilted his screen slightly for his boyfriend who leaned to rest his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“I was umm…I looked for your old junior fencing competition clips online. I was just curious, because you talked about it sometimes.”, the man replied, slightly bashful. Then his face lit up as he resumed the video, chattering excitedly.

“You’re so adorable though Sseun-ie. You were really good too.”, He squealed a little as he ogled at small boi Jackson in the grainy video, decked out in full gear skillfully performing change beats to force his opponent into his desired line.

Jackson felt a knot in his chest as he watched his younger self on the screen, performing with a passion and fervor that had long since vanished.

He pulled his head away from his boyfriend’s shoulders.

Jinyoung was once again distracted by the video, as he watched and nudged at his boyfriend’s shoulders, making sounds of awe.

“Stop…”, Jackson muttered, facing away towards the large hall length window at the balcony. It was raining that morning. A light, chilly spring rain.

“Haha! Whyyyy, look at you…”, Jinyoung cooed, pointing at the tiny screen, still unaware of the other man’s discomfort. “So focused, so serious…ooo…wow, I’ve never seen you like this before.”, he continued as he gaped a little.

“It was a long time ago.”, Jackson griped.

Jinyoung finally turned to face the other man, the unsettled tone in the other’s voice startled him.

His eyes softened at the difficult expression that crept onto his boyfriend’s face who was still turned away, eyes fixated at the scattering rain outside.

“Do you still miss it sometimes?”, he murmured, reaching out to stroke the other’s cheek with his thumb.

“Can we not…can we not talk about it…”, Jackson mumbled, not reacting to the touch of the other as he crossed his arms subconsciously.

“I-I’m sorry Sseun-ie, I was just curious how you were like as a fencer. I shouldn’t have brought it up-“, the man stammered, pushing up his glasses that had slid down his nose as he cast his eyes down.

His arm holding his phone up fell to rest on the sofa arm, the video still blaring on softly as echoes of crowds cheering in joy crackled from the speakers.

“No its ok. Its just… I…its nothing.”, the other man interrupted. He felt a lump in his throat swell up as his words jammed up in his chest. 

_I’ve never seen you like this before._

Jackson felt a stab in his heart as those words rung through his head once more, pulling away when his boyfriend reached out to touch his shoulder.

“I-I gotta go back to my place and wash up. My shift’s starting soon.”, he muttered, getting up abruptly.

“H-huh? I thought you’re working the afternoon shift today?”, Jinyoung stuttered in a small voice, a growing uneasiness in his heart made him drop his phone accidentally, causing it to clatter on the floor. Jackson glanced at the video which played on, showing a close up of his younger self. His younger self who now had his mask off, bathed in sweat as he cried tears of joy.

Jackson clenched his jaw. He felt something in the corner of his mind emerge, a blanket of anxiety clouding over his mind, one that had recently been distant but always remained.

“Yeah, but my co-worker texted me earlier. He’s like sick or something so I gotta go cover for him earlier. Sorry I think I’m gonna be late if I don’t go soon”, he replied, voice croaking slightly, before sauntering towards the front door.

“Oh…um ok. Text me when you’re done?”, Jinyoung’s voice echoed hopefully through the corridor as Jackson mumbled a response he didn’t catch.

The door creaked shut, leaving behind the other man who reached out his arm to the floor, picking up his phone and looking pensively at the screen.

\------------

“Jinyoung-ie? You okay?”, his mother took off her pink plaid coat, leaving her matching pink plaid umbrella dripping in the balcony. She looked over at her son who had sat still, in a daze, on the couch, not noticing she returned.

“H-huh? Oh, um yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”, he stammered, only now realizing his mom had returned. His mind was overwhelmed by how upset Jackson seemed earlier. It was the first time his boyfriend seemed so closed off.

Jackson always spoke his mind to Jinyoung, he shared everything with him. At least that’s what Jinyoung thought. At times, though, he couldn’t help but notice the troubled look and occasional weight in his boyfriend’s gaze. But whenever he asked the other about it, Jackson would merely shrug and give him a small smile, saying that it was just the stress from his graduation show which was coming up the following week.

The woman watched her son with a small pout as his brows furrowed further, she took out a pin clenched between her teeth to clip up her long flowing fringe which she had pushed back over her head.

Jinyoung’s thoughts now mulled over the fencing videos he saw earlier. He briefly knew bits of his boyfriend’s past about his family and his childhood fencing career, but Jackson rarely talked about how he felt about it. Jinyoung hadn’t realized how much it might have still affected him.

“Jinyoung-ie?”, his mother walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey mom?”, he looked up to the woman standing over him, biting onto his bottom lip.

“Hmm?”

“Can you teach me how to make something?”, he said softly, his thoughts still wandering far off. His mother raised her eyebrows, her pout was still present.

But Jinyoung didn’t notice it.

It had been so for a while now, but his mother finally realized that he was no longer affected by her pout.

She smiled, nodding at her son.

\------------

The sounds of smooth jazz that filled the rather fancy rooftop restaurant stopped abruptly as a young man turned off the audio system. He rolled the office chair he was seated in across the room, heaving a sigh of relief after another long day ended. As he opened up the electronic timesheet page on the rather archaic computer in the back room, he frowned and peered out the opened doorway towards the bar area where Jackson was mopping up.

“Yo…”

Jackson looked up for a moment before returning back to his mopping, swishing back and forth at the same spot for the last five minutes.

“Yeah, what?”, he replied dryly.

“You came early today?”

“I’m short. I need the extra cash.” It wasn’t really a lie. But it wasn’t the truth either.

The man turned back his attention towards the computer screen, loud sounds clacking at the old-fashioned keyboard. He hummed empathetically in response.

Jackson’s phone buzzed. He ignored it, swishing the mop back and forth. Back and forth. His colleague shut down the main system and turned off the office lights. He walks out, eyeing Jackson curiously as he placed his backpack on the bar top.

His phone buzzed again. Jackson rolled his eyes and whipped out his phone, shoving the mop a little too aggressively to lean against the bar top near his colleague, startling him.

_Hyung! Wonpil keeps pestering me to ask you out with us. I told him you’re domesticated these days but he’s not fking off._

Jackson stared blankly as he scrolled down further.

_Ugh can you just reject me, I’ll show him the msg so I can get him off my fking back._

Something in him faltered as he typed out a response.

_Yeah. I’ll be there._

He didn’t feel like facing Jinyoung that night. It wasn’t that he was angry at the man. It wasn’t Jinyoung’s fault that he felt this way.

He just often felt like he was...not good enough. It made him feel useless sometimes. A gnawing feeling that would eat away at his chest.

His phone buzzed immediately as soon as he responded.

_Srsly?? Um ok. Uh that’s great I guess. We’ll swing by your bar in 15._

_Yeah ok._

A speech bubble pops up. It lingers for a long while. Then, a message which was short in contrast to the amount of time it took to type, lit up Jackson’s screen again.

_Hyung. You ok._

_Yeah._

_You don’t sound ok._

_Bam. I’m fine._

He switched his phone to silent and slipped it back into his pocket. He grabbed the mop and resumed the repetitive motions. Back and forth. The same spot again. Back and fucking forth.

_I’m fine. Everything’s fine._

His grip on the pole of the mop tightened, not realizing his knuckles had whitened.

His co-worker frowned quizzically at him, before strapping up his backpack and leaving the man alone in the restaurant bar.

\------------

The flashing lights and booming music from the speakers drowned out the persistent gnawing feeling in his head, leaving only numbness towards whatever thoughts that latched onto his mind like a fucking plague.

He wasn’t always someone who loved partying or clubbing. But he _was_ always outgoing though, so he always ended up in a club one way or another.

When he came to Korea though, it grew into something like an escape for him. He would be enveloped and swallowed whole each time he'd lose himself in the mind-numbing assault on his senses. He didn’t have to think or feel.

He’d just drown himself in the music, the alcohol, the men and he wouldn’t have to feel _anything_.

But today was different. This time it was different. Every step he took in that place suffocated him.

The music grated his ears.

Bodies reeking of sweat and alcohol smothering each other, pressed up against him as he pushed through the crowds, it nauseated him.

So he sat himself at the bar, drowning himself in the only thing that didn’t need him to budge an inch.

His friends had long abandoned him the moment he plopped himself on the bar stool, sulking. Only BamBam would come over once in a while to check if he was okay. But even he grew distracted by a woman who’d been eyeing him since he entered.

And so now Jackson was really alone. Completely alone.

He felt his throat burn as he gulped down a little too quickly.

_I’ve never seen you like this before._

The words echoed through his mind causing a familiar sting to grip his chest as he downed another shot.

After his budding fencing career ended prematurely, he didn’t really have any goals in life. He didn’t have a direction. He didn’t really like studying either so he never did well at school.

He felt suffocated at home. He hid his sexuality from his family. Afraid of disappointing them further.

He wanted to escape.

During his final year in middle school, his teacher shared about a new bilateral agreement scholarship for china students to study in Korea with his class.

He saw it as his chance. To escape. From his family. From the expectations.

He studied hard for the first time in his life. His dad was so happy he seemed to finally have some drive.

And he in return, pretended like everything was _fine_.

His grades were finally decent, almost always consistently in the top tier of his school. His teachers praised him and his parents looked on proudly during his graduation ceremonies. Yet, the suffocation he felt only grew worse and he’d even began to have panic attacks during his worst days. The stress of school took a toll on him because he honestly didn’t know why he was studying so hard. He just wanted to escape.

That’s all he knew.

When he did finally come to Korea, however, reality hit him like a huge fucking rock when he realized it wasn’t so easy to live as himself either. But he met BamBam who had been living there for a long time. BamBam helped him through a lot. After a few disastrous encounters that left him a little jaded, he eventually met Mark, at that time his course senior, who became his first serious relationship.

At school, he ended up studying arts management at a fairly decent university in a suburban area near Seoul. Yet again, he was barely scraping by with his grades, and that failed semester during his senior year cost him his scholarship.

He never really liked what he was studying, but it was the only major he could take with his results which were pretty good, but not good enough. Competition was tough. Especially coming from an intense education regime in China where everyone worked their asses off.

While networking came easily to him because of his personality, he was sickened by how vapid the community was.

Shallow and pretentious.

You could stick a banana on the wall with tape and try to make a statement about the sorry state of the art community. It would just fly over everyone’s heads and just because of your name, they clamour over it like it’s the fucking holy grail.

Of course, not everyone was like that, but to Jackson it was one too many.

It repulsed him. But he didn’t know what else to do.

He had just somehow ended up there, as with everything else that occured in his life.

He felt incredibly lost because he didn’t even know what he was going to do after he graduated. He didn’t want to continue with his degree. But he felt like he would be a failure if he didn’t do so. Financially, he was already in debt because he now had to bear the full brunt of the fees without his scholarship backing. On top of that, he was barely making ends meet with his part time job after his father practically disowned him.

And then there was Jinyoung. Always so put together, always so at ease with himself. While Jinyoung lived a fairly modest life and never really stood out much, he always seemed so sure of what he wanted. Never wavering. Jackson’s own constant insecurities and uncertainty with his own self-worth made him feel useless beside the man. He felt ashamed of himself.

He downed another glass. His phone that jutted out slightly from his pocket lit up as a name appeared on the caller ID. But Jackson didn’t notice. He barely noticed anything as his mind began to whirl, blurring and dulling his surroundings. It didn’t help that he’d left his phone on silent as he always would when he felt like this and disappeared. It was what drove Mark insane all the time.

He didn’t even notice when some girl started leaning against him to flirt. He only noticed a strong overwhelming scent of some floral perfume that vaguely resembled the smell of hibiscus overpowering his senses. He felt like retching, causing the girl to double back and storm off in disgust.

BamBam, who noticed the entire exchange, sighed to himself and reluctantly parted from his person of interest that night, deciding that enough was enough. He struggled to haul his much heavier friend into a cab and sent him off on his merry way home. Jackson didn’t put up much of a fight, he was almost out by the time he was shoved into the cab. 

\------------

A cool breeze blew across his face as he staggered out of the cab, humming a song that sometimes made him happy and sometimes made him terribly sad. The fresh air sobering him a little as he struggled to regain his balance after the cab driver drove off, refusing the money and insisting that it was already paid for. 

He merely shrugged as he turned to face the entrance of his apartment complex. He noticed a figure crouched beneath a peach tree, that was only just starting to blossom, beside the bench. An adorable, fluffy man who would usually greet him with a warm smile and muffled laugh whenever they met, now buried his face into his knees, staring holes into his phone screen that was on the ground beneath him.

Jackson felt his chest tighten. He wanted to cry.

The crouched man looked up upon hearing a familiar voice talking to a cab driver and his tense expression immediately relaxed as his gaze fell upon Jackson, before immediately turning into one of annoyance.

He narrowed his eyes at the man staggering towards him as he stood up, brushing off bits of grass that got caught in in his cardigan.

“YA! Where were you?”, there was anger laced in his tone, but his face was concerned as he looked at the stumbling man who’d been repeatedly shutting his eyes lazily as he approached Jinyoung.

Jackson merely slurred out an apology when he stopped five feet apart, facing his boyfriend with a brief, furrowed glance before he lost a little focus.

“S-sorry, I…slipped my mind. I was just out drinking with BamBam and a couple of friends. It wasn’t anything or what. I swear.”

Jinyoung couldn’t identify the musk that would normally fill his senses and comfort him warmly whenever Jackson stood near. He could only smell perfume. His boyfriend’s musk overpowered by some floral perfume Jinyoung couldn’t recognize.

He felt something swelling up in his chest. His heart sank. 

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”, Jinyoung now muttered quietly, looking down at his feet. His anger had completely dissipated. All that was left was dismay and fear.

An inconsolable fear.

“Sorry, it was on silent. I’m sorry.” Jackson started to feel lightheaded. He frowned, rubbing his forehead.

“You could have at least told me, you know. I told you to text me.”, the man’s voice broke a little at the second line.

“I forgot, I’m sorry.”, he whispered. An immense guilt washed over him as he began to regain his senses for a brief moment.

“Look I’m sorry I just got caught up talking with everyone I forgot to check my phone okay. I’m really sorry.”

_He lied. He didn’t want to say the truth. He was ashamed._

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure it was some really, _really_ important shit with some r _eally_ important people you had to talk about.” Jinyoung bites back sardonically, his eyes widening in a mocking glare.

Jackson felt a sharp sting in his heart. It was a familiar sting. But yet it was unfamiliar. Caused by the words of someone who usually soothed it instead.

“I forgot how popular you are. Next time I guess I just need to get on a fucking wait list to get to meet you. Or is there a VIP list that can bump me up?”, Jinyoung spitted bitterly when Jackson didn’t respond.

Jackson sighed, holding back his tears that threatened to spill over as he staggered past Jinyoung towards the apartment entrance. Jinyoung scoffed at the man’s reaction, lips trembling when the man turns back to him.

“Jinyoung-ah, I know that sarcasm is your bit or your thing or whatever. But sometimes it just fucking hurts you know. Think about how I’d feel sometimes will ya?”, he muttered back, staring at his boyfriend in a half daze.

Jinyoung freezed up at the man’s words. A flood of memories involuntarily clouded his mind, taunting him. A wave of pain from the distant past, searing back into his heart.

_A 17 year-old Jinyoung peeped through the tiny gap in his bedroom door. A man and a woman stood in the living room, arguing. The man’s clothes reeked of a rose perfume Jinyoung was painfully familiar with. He closes his door and leans his back against it. Tears streamed down his face as the voices echoed faintly throughout his room._

_The woman screams at the man._

_“What are you thinking? How could you do this to me? To Jinyoung-ie? How do you think he feels?”_

_“How about what I feel?_ _You know you never once thought about how I felt! I never wanted this for myself either!”_

_“I never asked you for anything! You made that choice to come back to me.”_

_“Yeah. Yeah I did. Well now I’m making my choice to go.”_

_A silence. A soft gasp from the woman. But Jinyoung heard it. Her voice ringed clear in his head._

_“I’m sorry, I just…I can’t do this anymore…this is not working out…you know that…”, the man now replies, softly, his voice breaking slightly._

_The woman cries._

_“Look its late. Let’s just talk this out properly tomorrow.”_

_The man sighs in resignation as the woman continues sobbing._

“Jinyoung-ah”.

Jinyoung doesn’t respond, his mind was swirling. He felt nauseated at the next line that came out of Jackson’s mouth.

“Jinyoung-ah…let’s not do this right now, I’m really tired and its late. Let’s just talk tomorrow okay?”

He sighed when Jinyoung doesn’t respond and turned back to walk into the building, leaving behind a man who stood there frozen in his tracks. An agony that had long been deeply buried began to swell up and consume him.

Thoughtless words and thoughtless actions of the past and present tormented him, ridiculed him and mocked him as he trembled, feeling dizzy, causing him to lurch back towards the tree to hold himself up. 

His eyes widened as he clutched his chest, going out of breath as soon as Jackson left his sight. He keeled over breathlessly, a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach welling up inside as he retched.

He retched. Over and over, tears and snot streaming down his face.

\------------

As Jackson closed his door, he sauntered towards his bed and plopped himself face down, groaning loudly before turning his head to face the kitchen corner. He frowned at Pew-pew who sat fully charged in the corner. He didn’t recall placing him back to his spot before leaving for work earlie. His eyes fell upon the small kitchen counter beside Pew-pew, which had a large plate sitting atop it. He pushed himself back up and stepped halting across the room, towards the kitchen corner.

His hand shakily tore off a familiar pink post-it note taped neatly over the sealed plate, heart filled with that piercing guilt once more, as he read the note. He lets out soft staggered gasps when he looked down at the plate.

Tears fall upon the cling wrap covering a now cold, gigantic, sunny yellow, round egg omelet with a smiley face childishly scribbled in ketchup on it.

_Sseun-ie. I just really suck at cooking. This was all I could do. I’m really sorry about that video. Cheer up okay, you know I’ll always be here for you if you need to talk <3_

He crouched to the floor, sinking his back against the bottom cabinet as he whimpered into his knees, his hands gripping the pink post-it note tightly.

So tightly, till his knuckles whitened.

\------------

“Jackseun-ah? What’s wrong?”, the woman rubbed her eyes sleepily, opening the door to the solemn young man.

“I just really needed to talk to Jinyoung-ie…is he still sleeping? Should I come back later?”, he rubs the back of his head, too ashamed to face the woman in front of him.

But he knew that he had to.

“Jinyoung-ie? Isn’t he with you?”, she mumbled, still half awake.

“No…”, Jackson muttered, almost to himself, a panic brewing in his mind.

“Hm? He didn’t come back last night though.”

“W-what?”

“Did something happen?”, the woman looked at him, clearly concerned. It made Jackson feel guiltier as he cast his eyes down to the floor.

“I- we sort of fought. It was my fault. I- oh my god, I need to go look for him, I-”, he looked back up as if snapping to his senses. He whipped around towards the lift lobby to dash out but felt a tug at the back of his shirt.

“Hey. Hey hey, Jackseun-ah, calm down. Shhhh...calm down okay.”, the woman pulled at him, causing the man to turn back to her. She took his hand into hers and rubbed it consolingly when the man started to tear up at her touch.

“Don’t worry, Jinyoung-ie isn’t the type to do something without thinking. How about you try calling Jaebeom-ie first? Jinyoung-ie will always look for him if there’s anything wrong.”

She smiled at him softly.

“Whatever it is talk it out…Jackseun-ah, just...please don’t hurt my son okay. That’s all I ask of you.”

He broke down in sobs, hanging his head in shame.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. After everything you’ve done for me...”, he choked, burying his face in his hands.

She pulled him in for a hug and patted him on the back, she smiled, though her brows furrowed into a pained knit.

\--------------

_BZZZT.BZZZT._

Jaebeom leaned against the side of his door, staring at the haggard man in front of him. The man who normally had his brown locks styled carefully in a wave and swept back now stood in front of him, eyes bloodshot, voice hoarse and said hair in a complete mess.

He initially felt the urge to sock one in the man’s eye but could only muster pity once he actually opened the door.

“H-Hey Jinyoung is here right?”, he grabbed onto Jaebeom’s arms desperately and heaved a sigh of relief when the man nodded.

“Yeah…look dude I don’t know what happened. Jinyoung refused to say anything since he came here. But you need to fucking sort this out alright. I’ve never seen him puke for no reason since high school.”, he muttered bitingly at the man, pulling away from his grip.

“Fucking sort this out or I will kill you.”, he seethed, jabbing a finger into the man’s chest. The man merely nodded frantically and looked past him into his house. Jaebeom sighed, relenting. He moved aside for Jackson to dash into the place, kicking off a pair of home slippers he wore on the cab ride to Jaebeom’s place.

He faltered as he approached the bedroom, where the door had been left ajar. A tall man with ashen gray hair and a slight hunch sat closely beside a man, whose back was all too familiar to Jackson, on the edge of the bed. The tall man murmured soothingly as he rubbed the other man’s back, who was wiping his mouth with a small towel.

“J-Jinyoung-ah…”, he croaked.

The man visibly froze up at his voice and the taller man turned to face him, biting down on his lips. He hesitated before getting up to leave the room when Jaebeom approached the door, motioning at him to leave.

Jackson stepped forward haltingly. He was still dressed in the same clothes from the night before, a sour smell still emanated from him and yet the faint smell of perfume had now faded almost entirely. He hesitated before placing a hand on the shoulder of the other man. The man winced at his touch and turned away, back facing him entirely. He felt a wretched ache in his heart as he stammered helplessly.

“I-I…Are you…are you okay?”, he shut his eyes and bit into his lips, biting down hard till his chapped lips bled a little at the bottom. The man didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry…”, he whimpered, he felt a lump in his throat as his eyes watered. “I’m so so sorry Jinyoung-ie…”

A silence envelops the room, where only Jackson's sobs could be heard. He let out a long breath before continuing.

“I-I lied. I was alone the whole time. I was with BamBam and some people at first…but…but…I just drank alone. I wasn’t with anybody.”, he lowered his gaze to the floor as tears streamed down to the tip of his nose.

He looked up when the man whose back faced him started to sob, with an anguish in his voice.

He sank down onto the bed, sitting beside the man's shuddering back and pulled the other into a back hug, his tears staining the man's grey cardigan.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”, he wept.

Jinyoung finally turned to look at him for the first time in what seemed like an eternity to Jackson, his lips pale from the constant retching, involuntarily from a panic attack.

_Something Jackson was painfully familiar with._

He felt a knot in his chest as he enveloped the other in a tight embrace, his arms reaching around Jinyoung’s back to stroke the back of the other man's head gently. Jinyoung broke out into small sobs and sinks into the man’s chest, spluttering.

“I’m so scared Sseun-ie…I’m just so scared…I-I…mmmfff…”, he gasped for short breaths before he pushed back against Jackson’s chest to look at him, with a vulnerability that Jackson wished he didn't have to see.

“Maybe one day…you’ll think it was all a mistake…and that you’ll change your mind…maybe you’ll realise this wasn’t what you wanted. M-maybe you’ll leave one day. I-I-“, he traced his palm that pushed against Jackson’s chest down to grip at the corners of his leather jacket and sobbed as he looked into the other’s pained gaze.

“No…oh nono…no…oh Nyoung-ie…I-”, he choked as he pulled the sobbing man in for another hug, rubbing his back.

“Jinyoung-ah. I love you. _I love you so so much._ It’s just I-“, his voice broke into a soft whimper.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you, I don’t know. I know it’s stupid but it just overwhelms me sometimes.”, he spluttered, sinking his face into his boyfriend’s neck and tightening his embrace.

He cried into the other’s neck, only now realizing how much insecurity Jinyoung had been facing too. He just didn’t show it. It pained Jackson that he should have known better. He knew what Jinyoung had been through. He knew every agonising detail. But he was so wrapped up in his own feelings, his own head, that he didn’t realise what he was doing to the other man.

Jinyoung’s eyes widened at the revelation. It was the first time he’d heard of this.

“W-What? Why would you think that?”, he stuttered, pulling the other away and gripping his boyfriend's shoulders to search the man’s eyes. Jackson looked down in response, lips trembling.

“I don’t know I just…I feel like such a failure, like I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”, he breathed.

Jinyoung furrowed his brows and brought his hands up to cup his boyfriend’s face.

“Jackson-ah, look at me…Sseun-ah…”, the man looked up haltingly as his sobbing slowly ceased, his adorable puppy eyes were bloodshot, sending a stab through Jinyoung’s chest. Jinyoung grimaced as he struggled to maintain a gaze.

“You’re not Sseun-ie. You’re not a failure. Sseun-ie. Look at me. It’s okay if you don’t know what you're doing right now. It’s okay if you still don’t know what you're doing ten years later. Just whatever you’re doing, don’t do it alone, because you’re not alone okay. I’m here you know.”, he brought his face close to the other, who broke down at his words.

Their foreheads touched as Jackson shut his eyes and pursed his lips, choking back.

“I know, I’m sorry Jinyoung-ah. I’m so so sorry.”

\------------

“Hey you two. This ain’t an airBnB alright.”, Jaebeom cleared his throat. He'd been standing outside the doorway awkwardly for almost half an hour after the last muffled sob he heard from the room.

Yugyeom had to pull him away each time he stepped forward impatiently to enter his bedroom where the two men cuddled, caressing and nuzzling into each other in attempt to soothe one another.

They both turned back to look at the man in a daze, still slightly overwhelmed. Jinyoung's eyes softened at his friend, filled with gratitude.

“Yeah okay okay, if you’re so thankful, you guys should treat us to breakfast. I think you owe us that at least.”, he muttered while looking away, a little bashful. Though he wasn't saying that just for the sake of it. Watching the whole ordeal left him starving at an ungodly hour of six in the morning.

Yugyeom smiled at the man's slight blush, he loved how socially awkward his boyfriend was sometimes. He found it really just absolutely fucking adorable.

“I’m not paying for your breakfast you eat like a pig. You’ll make me go broke.”, Jinyoung narrowed his gaze, a gaze that pierced through even the toughest soul. But Jaebeom knew him since he was practically in the womb.

In his eyes, that was the gaze of a playful man who had finally returned back to his normal self.

He smiled a little before rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“Ungrateful brat. After I took you in like a stray last night. I even had to call Gyeommie over to help me bring my babies to my neighbour’s place. And Gyeom’s allergic!”, he complained, causing the taller man to panic a little and frantically waved his hands at the two men seated on the edge of Jaebeom’s bed.

“No no no! Haha, its fine really. I’m just glad you guys worked it out.”, he smiled reassuringly.

Jinyoung smiled gratefully at the man then turned to his best friend and sneered.

“I’m allergic too, look at my puffy fucking eyes because of your cats.”

“Isn’t that because you were crying like a fucking baby.”, Jaebeom bit back.

“Shit, I’m allergic to cats too.” Jackson mumbled, feeling his eyes starting to water as he rubbed them. Jinyoung cooed at him and pulled him to lean on his shoulders, rubbing the man’s head gently.

“If anything, you owe us breakfast for the distress you’re causing with all this fur.” He shot another glare at Jaebeom who scoffed in disbelief.

“I didn’t ask either of you to come here in the first place!”

“Honestly it’s my fault all this happened. Let me treat you guys breakfast. But I’m kinda broke now so maybe I can cook instead?”, Jackson interrupted, pushing his boyfriend away to turn to the two men standing at the doorway. One of whom was utterly and completely done with the treatment he was receiving from a certain Park Jin Young.

Jaebeom cocked his head, slightly surprised at the offer.

“Huh? Wait you can cook?”

“I-I mean if y'all don’t mind that is. I’m not that good to be honest haha.”, he laughed sheepishly.

“What are you talking about, you’re good.”, Jinyoung whispered before realizing something. He smirked a little and winked at Jackson who looked back in confusion.

“But cooking while you sneeze into the pot every two seconds? Sseun-ah I don’t think that’s a good idea. Let’s just go to BamBam’s café. It’s fucking dawn but we can just get him to open it early-”, he exclaimed just loud enough for the other two men to hear, in particular, a certain mullet-haired man.

“NO!”, it worked. The mullet haired man gasped a little before darting his eyes to his startled boyfriend and then glaring back at Jinyoung.

“N-no. I mean. Please cook. I’ll vacuum up the place.” Jb continued desperately to a momentarily lost Jackson who nodded amiably in return.

Suddenly, those gears start turning in his head once again, realizing what his boyfriend just did. The two men on the bed smirked at each other.

_Oho ho. You’re an asshole!_

_Oh please you love it._

_I absolutely do._

Jackson grinned without burden, for the first time in a long time.

He takes in a deep breath before getting up and rubbing his hands together.

“Haha alright alright. What do you have that I can work with?”, he followed out Jaebeom who was now looking desperately for a vacuum he had long abandoned.

Yugyeom was utterly confused at his boyfriend’s sudden anxious demeanour while Jinyoung sighed softly. His eyes crinkled into a smile as he looked on at the puppy-like man who now stood beside the fridge, chattering with Jaebeom about the box of fresh seafood he received from fans just last night.

Something that weighed down on his heart for a long time in the years that passed, lifted for the first time that morning. And he hoped, for a long time in the years to come.

\------------

“Sseun-ie you really improved honestly. It’s not bad.”, Jinyoung marvels at the elaborate spread of deep fried battered prawns, seafood soup, stir-fried vegetables and a large plate of egg rolls that steamed beautifully and emanated a familiar warmth that comforted Jinyoung.

His boyfriend bites into his lips bashfully and waves his compliments off.

“Not bad are you kidding me? This is fucking delicious!”, Jaebeom chortles with his mouth full as he digs hungrily into the side dishes, having his own fucking mukbang.

Yugyeom giggles at him while Jinyoung scrunches his nose in disapproval at his friend’s voracious appetite.

“R-really? Nah, you’re just saying that.”, Jackson blushes a little.

“Trust me, when it comes to food, he doesn’t just say that.”, Jinyoung sighs.

“Honestly, its really good. I’d pay for a meal like this.” Yugyeom nods at Jackson reassuringly, slurping the soup in his bowl.

Jackson beams with pride as his boyfriend looks on, with a soft smile.

\-----------------

“I think I love you

Because of you I’m not wavering now

You’re the only one filling me up.”

\- Jackson Wang, Page.


	11. Page 8, Part II, I Know I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson tries to reconcile with what he left behind. Coco really, really loves Mark. Jinyoung cooks up a scheme. Youngjae goes full gangster. And BamBam goes falling for an angel.

\----------------

As the man sipped his latte, the distinct aroma of fresh roast made from premium quality beans he had handpicked at his supplier’s warehouse yesterday wafted through his nose. The crisp, sharp but pleasant taste tantalized the buds of his tongue. The corners of his mouth stretched lazily into a wide grin as the man hummed in satisfaction. Life. Was. Good.

Well, not all good. For his professor had warned him that if he submitted last minute, third rate melodramatic drivel again, he could look forward to a nice, big, fat D on his paper. And BamBam did not like Ds. On his paper. Or anywhere near his face for that matter. A matter of personal preference.

Though at the very least, the debacle his café, and its spacious, spotless bathroom, fell victim to two weeks ago led to an unexpected burst of prosperity for his business. Rumours of young, handsome men airing their dirty laundry for everyone to witness in all its amusing glory spread like wildfire as people flocked to his café in curiosity. Any publicity was good publicity, he figured, so he happily fed the rumour mill when people questioned him about it.

But today, the café was unusually quiet, the usual chatter and clinking of cutlery from the weekend crowd, absent. The closed sign dangling on the window paneled entrance didn’t really bother him though. For BamBam, the happiness of his best bro was more important than some chump change a bored housewife would spare him in return for some spicy gossip.

“Hey, do you think they’re okay? It seems really awkward.”, Jinyoung leaned over the squeaky clean, white marble top to whisper into his ear.

BamBam smacked his lips stained with foam as he looked over to the two men seated at a table face to face by the large glass panel that lined the front of the establishment. A natural light from the morning sun hazed through the panels, causing the lone glass of water filled to the brim on the table to shimmer occasionally. If it was up to BamBam and his third-rate melodramatic drivel, the glass would have been put to good use and someone would end up leaving the place soaking, preferably the elder gentleman.

But alas, BamBam sighed dramatically, this was reality. He tutted to himself while looking at the two men engaged in a conversation so hushed, only intermittent coughs from the elder emerged once in a while. He spared a final glance before turning his attention back to the caffeinated bliss in his slender grip, swirling the mug in frustration.

“You’re right nerd. I’m not even there and I feel awkward already.”, he lamented.

The bespectacled nerd narrowed his eyes so piercingly at the other man that it would make anyone shudder at the sight. Anyone except BamBam. And Jaebeom. And probably Youngjae because Jinyoung would never dare to. 

“Why do you keep calling me that?”, he seethed, causing the other to sigh dramatically once more.

“Because. You keep wearing those. Ugly. Ass. Glasses. Why don’t you get some contacts or something, honestly? You’re hiding a fucking gorgeous face behind that double screened tv and it pisses me off.”, he muttered in a matter-of-fact tone, before whipping out his phone for something more entertaining than the nothing that was happening in front of him.

“W-what?”, Jinyoung spluttered back, his mind boggled and incensed at the same time. He persisted with his stubborn glare, not really knowing how else to react, causing BamBam to return it with a lazy gaze that glinted.

“I swear. You and I one day. Are going to do a makeover. Like full-on Pretty Woman mood, you feel me?”, he quipped, a little too sassily for the other man’s liking whose glare turned into one of utter dumbstruck.

“No I don’t feel you!”, Jinyoung hissed, but now his tone was one of confusion more than anything else. “What’s Pretty Woman anyway?”

“Oh My God. You can’t be serious. You know what forget it. But the offer still stands though.”

“I am not doing a makeover with you.”, Jinyoung scoffed.

“Oh c’mon it’ll be fun. I’ll be the sugar daddy and you’ll be the prostitute.”, he quips, sincerely believing in his his analogy.

“What? Why am I the prostitute?”, Jinyoung spitted back, growing more and more speechless by all these weirdos who suddenly invaded his life.

“Because I’m the one whose rich?”, BamBam rolled his eyes as if he couldn’t believe how dim his best friend’s boyfriend was despite his looks.

“Good God…”, the man muttered back, rendered utterly speechless.

The soft tinkling of the chimes that hung above the window paneled entrance drew their attention back to the table.

But it was now empty, the lone glass of water filled to the brim completely gone to waste.

BamBam sighed as he drew his lips into a small pout that earned a look of disgust from Jinyoung. The elder gentleman was no longer anywhere in sight. The younger man sat still for a moment before drawing a long breath and got up. He walked over towards the two men who were leaned over the marble top counter and now looking at him, with a soft gaze. He rubbed the back of his head, a sheepish grin spread across his face causing his adorable puppy eyes to squint, tickling Jinyoung’s heart when their eyes met.

“Hey guys…”, he uttered, a little weakly, as he wrapped his arm loosely around Jinyoung’s waist and gave BamBam a thankful nod. Jinyoung glanced at the man’s brown locks swept back carefully in a wave, it glowed in a light shade from the morning sun and traced his gaze down to the man’s face. His expression was solemn and guarded. A deep sadness filled his eyes, unmissed by Jinyoung, caused him to feel a pang in his heart. He rubbed the other man’s back gently.

“Your dad left already?”, BamBam asked, it was more of a rhetoric than anything. He really just wanted to emphasize on how unimpressed he was with the elder gentleman’s presence.

“Y-yeah. He was only in Korea for business. Anyway, I don’t know what came over him but he said he just came to tell me he wanted to support me again financially. He said he’s still my dad, and it’s his job or whatever.”, he furrowed his brows, staring blankly ahead.

“That’s good bro.”, his tone was, for a brief moment, moderately impressed before his face darkened at his friend’s next revelation.

“Yeahhh, but he told me he still can’t accept me. Like, he insists this isn’t who I am and says it’s just a phase I’ll grow out of. So. I don’t know man. I don’t really know what to feel honestly.”, he looked down at the spotless marble top counter, gripping one hand onto its edges, his knuckles whitening.

“It’s ok Sseun-ie, baby steps.”, Jinyoung murmured as he pulled Jackson in closer for a side hug, causing his grip on the counter top to loosen slightly.

“No yeah I mean it’s great. At least I don’t have to stay in that dingy place anymore and I don’t have to worry about school, which was honestly the biggest burden. Haha. Positives. Yayyy….”, he squealed with a barely concealed fakeness as he looked back and forth between the two men.

“You’re moving away?”, Jinyoung pulled back slightly and turned his face towards his boyfriend. Jackson didn’t miss the dismay in his boyfriend’s voice as he looked back, flustered.

“I-I mean I want to but only because I don’t want to stay in that shithole forever you know.”, he reasoned, tightening his arm around the other man’s waist.

“But where will you go?”, Jinyoung pouts.

“If I’m moving then I might as well move somewhere closer to the city, where all the galleries and shit are I guess.”, he ponders, pursing his lips.

“I…is that why you want to move out?”

“Not really. Honestly, the location right now isn’t that bad and all but it’s just…that the place is really too small you know?”

“No kidding. I got a shock when I saw it last week. It’s like a fucking storeroom dude. how did my old bed even fit in through the door?”, BamBam scoffed incredulously.

“Well, I’ve got an idea. If that’s your only reason.”, Jinyoung hummed thoughtfully.

“Huh?”, Jackson stared at him with his big, adorable puppy eyes, completely befuddled. BamBam put down his phone, curious about the nerd’s plans.

“Sseun-ah, do you trust me?”, Jinyoung smiled, a crinkle showing in the corners of his eyes. A mischief that was unmissed by his boyfriend who smiled back. Whatever it was Jinyoung was up to, he was definitely looking forward to it.

“Yeah of course.”

“Then leave it to me. I’ll sort it out.”

\----------------

“Hyung! Over here!!”, the man who held a phone to his ear waved excitedly, motioning for Jinyoung to come over.

“Give me a moment yeah!”, he beamed at the approaching man, who smiled back, before pointing to his phone held to his ear.

Jinyoung watched as his junior muttered softly on the phone, pacing away from him. He gazed at the waterfront that stretched alongside the boardwalk, revelling in the cool crisp spring breeze that blew over the park. He looked on, humming cheerily, across the artificial grassy lawns that were now filled with a burst of activity. Children sprinted across the lawns in unbridled joy, giggling as they avoided each other. A few elderly joggers ran past him in an orderly fashion, chattering at each other.

His gaze darkened immediately, when his eyes landed upon a blond man approaching him from afar.

The man held a bag in one hand, and would stop every five seconds to shake off a small, white maltese who had latched itself onto the man’s calf, refusing to let go. It was a rather comical sight as he struggled to walk with a dog hanging off one of his legs, dragging his foot toward Jinyoung. Jinyoung would have probably laughed if it had been anyone else. The man stopped in front of Jinyoung, his gaze unreadable. An awkward silence filled the air between the men before the blond one cleared his throat and digs his hand into his plastic bag.

“Hey, Youngjae told me you were coming, so I got you one too.”, the blond man pulled out a can of soda and motioned for him to take it.

“Oh, uh…thanks.”, Jinyoung who held himself in bated breath anticipating another tirade, let out a startled noise at the uncharacteristically amiable blond man.

Another silence filled the air as Jinyoung cast his gaze down to the white maltese clinging faithfully onto Mark. The dog latched onto Mark, refusing to let go, till death did them part.

“Wow, he wasn’t exaggerating when he said Coco really, _really_ likes you, huh?”, Jinyoung guffawed.

“Oh. Yeah…”, Mark glanced down at his calf where Coco had clung onto, as if he had forgotten that the dog was even there, like it was just an everyday occurrence.

They stole stiff glances at each other after the conversation died off before it even began, taking turns to look over at Youngjae, almost pleadingly. But the man was too engrossed with his phone call to notice.

“Oh hey by the way…I uh”, Mark stuttered, rubbing his neck as he looked down at Coco who had now sat right by his leg, having grown tired of clinging.

Jinyoung stared warily, raising his eyebrows at the peculiar demeanour of the other.

“I’m sorry…you know for calling you a bitch and all that.”, the blond man muttered softly, prompting the other to gape a little, as he couldn't believe what he just heard.

“Yeah… I mean you did also call me a third-rate whore.”, the man retorted, but there was almost, _almost,_ a softness in his tone now.

“Yeah… yeah I did. I’m sorry, I kinda always talk crap without thinking when I lose my shit.”

“Mhmm.”, Jinyoung nodded stiffly. He held his breath for a long beat, heaving a little too loudly in relief as a jovial voice grew closer to their awkwardly tense vicinity. He turned to his junior who was running back towards him.

“Great news Hyung! I did a little digging and found some stuff out. Here.”, The man huffed, smiling widely at Jinyoung while he handed over a brown envelope. “This is some rock-solid evidence.”, the younger beamed proudly.

“Thanks… Ooooh, Youngjae-ah, you’re good.”, The man remarked, very impressed as he opened the envelope and sifted through the papers.

Mark had now crouched down to feed a very satisfied Coco treats he rummaged from the plastic bag, scratching the soft tufts of fur on her head.

“Hehe, I know.”, Youngjae smiled cheerily, before glancing down at his boyfriend.

“By the way, I just need one more favour from you.”, Jinyoung’s smile subtly curled up into a smirk while Youngjae turned back to face him, eyelids batting innocently.

\--------------------------

“Wow, I’m impressed. How did you do it? That guy was a fucking stone-headed prick.”

Jackson looked on in awe as contractors moved busily around the house in preparation to take down the dry wall and restore the layout back to the original apartment plans.

“I have my ways”, his boyfriend smirked.

Meanwhile in a large, gaudy office, an equally gaudily dressed man, whose palms were always fucking sweaty and gross knelt on his knees nervously, his body trembling in fear.

A man with a normally sunny disposition and glasses framed a little too large for his face towered menacingly over the trembling man.

Said man tightened his grip on his knees as the other stopped pacing and bent over to meet his eyes.

“If I ever catch you ripping off any of my friends or _anyone else_ for that matter again…I’ll makes sure you regret that you ever fucking existed, you hear me?”

The man whimpered, probably soiling his pants a little. He could have sworn he saw the devil himself flash in the other man’s eyes.

“I said…do you hear me?”, Youngjae seethed.

The man nodded his head vigorously, breaking out into sobs, snot leaking out.

Youngjae beamed, almost immediately after the affirmation he’d gotten, terrifying the other man shitless at the sudden change in demeanour.

“That’s good! Let’s live more honestly, okie?”, he flashed an innocent grin.

And with that Youngjae swiftly sauntered out the office, leaving behind a grown man in his forties bawling for his mommy.

\-------------------------

“Well that’s the last of it. Except the bed.”, Jackson dusted his palms as he lifted the last box filled with his meagre number of belongings and placed it by the doorway.

Jinyoung turned back to look at the bed and plopped himself on the edge, patting by his side and beckoning the other man to sit.

“Shall we keep it? It’s honestly the best thing in this room, and it’s better than my bed right now.”, he wrapped an arm around the other’s waist and leaned into Jackson’s chest. The slow rise and fall of the other man’s warm torso placated him as he shut his eyes in contentment.

“It’s a bit too big though isn’t it?”, Jackson reached around the other’s waist, gently stroking the side of his hip. He looked at the khaki-comforter and patted down on it with his other hand, feeling a little sentimental.

“Well, we are getting the bigger room. I think we’ve got space for it.”, Jinyoung sat back up to look at the other man's face, pouting as cutely as he could, prompting the other to mirror his pout teasingly. 

“Yeah…maybe we should keep it.”, Jackson relented, giving the other a small peck on his forehead.

“Yeah, why not. Its big. Its soft. Its bouncy…”, Jinyoung starts bobbing up and down causing the bed to creak as it bounced the other man lightly, whose smile spread into a cheeky grin.

Mhhmm…really bouncy…”, he whispers into his boyfriend’s ear slyly.

“Yeah, I love that the most about this bed”, the other pretended not to catch the innuendo, batting his eyelids as innocently as he could.

“Of course, you do.”, Jackson murmured breathily into the man’s ear, who smiled playfully in return.

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows at Jackson.

“I meant that it was comfy.”, giving him an angelic smile as the other leaned in, causing him to break into a muffled giggle.

“Mmhmm.”, Jackson hummed, gently cupping the other man’s cheek in one hand and pressing down his other palm into the soft, silky, khaki coloured sheets beneath them.

He smirked as their noses nuzzled against each other, pulling his boyfriend into a kiss. He planted a small peck on his boyfriend's soft, plush lips at first, before parting his mouth slightly, prompting the other to lean in and caress his tongue across Jackson’s bottom lip. He smiled, moving in for a deeper, sloppier kiss, moaning softly between breaths. He pulled back, causing Jinyoung to pout.

“Up for a little afternoon delight, babe?” He winked mischievously, before leaning in to pepper kisses along the other man’s neck.

“Mmmmh, I think my mom’s coming home soon though, the service should be almost over by now.”, Jinyoung hummed as he wrapped his arms around the other man’s shoulder, rolling his head back blissfully.

“Mhmm and God forbid if we look something like this when she gets home?”

Jackson pinned the other down onto the sheets. He stuck his tongue out at the startled man before moving over to straddle him. He bit his bottom lip and playfully mocked the man beneath him with loud moans and an exaggerated face contorted in pleasure, bouncing their hips up and down on that wonderfully soft, bouncy bed.

"Ahhhh...Jinyoung-ah...ahhh...ahhh-"

“Hahah oh you are so going to hell for this.”, Jinyoung chuckled, pulling the other man down for another kiss.

“Mhmm, as long as you’re _coming_ with me.”, Jackson leaned down, murmuring into his boyfriend’s lips, who broke into a giggle.

\-------------------------

Gold and blushed orange stretched across the horizon, revealing a tinge of blue and violet that slowly blanketed the skies. A man in denim blue overalls pushed a trolley along the street. The asphalt beneath his steps that toasted in the summer heat slowly began to cool, as he stopped in front of a small unassuming building, with a wooden veranda painted a shade of green. He hauled a large backlit boxup signage up the stairs and onto the platform, nodding at a blond man who stood at the veranda before leaving.

The blond man turned to tap the shoulder of the man standing beside him, who was distracted with the task of unpacking numerous sealed cardboard boxes that lined the veranda.

“Yo Jacks, its here.”, the blond man nodded towards the signage that now sat against the wooden railing by the staircase.

“Huh? Oh!”, Jackson turned to look, gasping as he took off his work gloves and marveled at the light orange and white box up signage that read “The Little Sheep”, with a tiny sheep dotting the letter “i”.

“Wow, shit man this is pretty sick!”, he gasped, crouching down to get a closer look.

“Yep, let me know if you need any other signages, I know some pretty good designers.”, the blond man crouched down beside him and traced his hands across the letters.

Jackson’s gaze on the signage softened, lingering for a moment before he turned to the blond man beside him and smiled, “Thanks, no this is enough. Seriously man, thanks.”

Mark smiled back. His brows furrow slightly as if he wanted to say something but decided against it, merely looking on with a small grin as Jackson squealed in that childlike excitement that he sometimes does.

Mark heaved a sigh and patted the man’s back before getting up, “Yo I gotta go, good luck with opening day. Sorry me and Youngjae won’t be around.”

“Nah enjoy your trip. Jinyoung told me he wouldn’t stop talking about it. He seems pretty excited.”, Jackson stood up, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder to give it a small squeeze.

“Haha yeah, thanks. See ya alright.”, the blond man grinned before walking off. He turned around to give one last wave at Jackson, who smiled back.

Jackson wiped the sweat off his brow as he lifted up a box with a heavy grunt and kicked the front door gently open. He staggered and lurched forward to dump the heavy box beside the unvarnished wooden bar top and let out a long exhale.

“Phew…"

"Hey, is something wrong?”, he looked up, placing his dirtied work gloves on the counter top. He leaned across the counter towards the woman who had her reading glasses on and a pink pin holding up her now short curls, frowning as she looked through a stack of papers scattered across the counter top.

“Hmmmm...our specialty is just egg rolls? Should we change it?”, she mused thoughtfully, not looking up.

“It can’t be anything else.”, Jackson replied, his voice firm and resolute as he grinned at the woman who now looked up at him and tilted her head slightly. “Isn’t it too simple though?”

Jackson merely beamed brightly at her, his eyes squinting into sunny crescents.

He tells her that he wants anyone who comes in to feel the warm and fuzzy feelings he felt when he first ate her egg rolls.

“I want this to be a sanctuary for people when they feel like life gets too much for them.”

The woman beamed back, returning an equally sunny grin as she chuckled.

Their attention turned curiously towards the green window panelled entrance door that creaked open.

“Hyung! Sorry I’m late. Here’s the stuff you asked for. Its everything I used when I opened my family's café.”, a young lanky man, dressed in skinny black pants that tucked in a gold and black striped dressed shirt, waltzed into the store. He huffed, beads of sweat trickled down his forehead, as he took off his large purple tinted sunglasses and placed a thick grey bounded file on the counter top beside Jackson.

“Nah its ok, thanks a lot Bam.”, he patted the younger man’s back, pushing the file towards the woman who looked on curiously.

“And who is this lovely young man?”, she smiled, radiating an angelic glow. Well, according to BamBam. Who in turn froze up upon looking at her. She cocked her head in confusion when he fell silent, gaping at her.

Jackson stared at his friend incredulously, his eyebrows knitted as he watched his friend’s eyes shoot hearts.

“I-I-“, BamBam stuttered before sweeping forward over the counter to gently slip her hand onto his palm as he smiled tenderly.

“The name’s BamBam, milady.”, Jackson shook his head at the stuttering mess beside him, totally judging his friend. He turned back to face the woman across the counter top who merely giggled warmly in response, covering her mouth.

“Sorry…he can be a little…eccentric. To put it mildly.”, Jackson offered apologetically. The woman merely laughed in amusement as BamBam retracted his hand and bowed at her.

“Haha, what a cute friend you have here.”, her words causing the young man's eyes to widen as he whipped his head back up, a slight blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Hmhm…well I’ll leave you two to have fun here.”, she chuckled, reaching under the counter to take her plaid handbag and slowly filed the papers back into a folder.

“Where are you going?”, Jackson looked at her in surprise.

“You remember Mr Lee from church?”, she glanced out the shop window to look across the street at the bus stop before turning back to Jackson.

“Oh yeah… that nice dude. He shared his pocket warmers with me during the charity drive last winter even when he didn't even know who I was then.”, Jackson chattered at the recollection.

“Yes, well…he asked me to have dinner with him tonight. I’ll be home late okay?”, her cheeks rose a little as she bit into her lips. She slung her bag onto her shoulder and waved at the two men before going out.

“Okay! Have fun mother!” Jackson called out, waving at the back of the woman who hummed as she opened the door.

He grimaced at the repeated slaps he started receiving on his chest and whipped his head to the side in annoyance, frowning at his friend who was still agape.

“H-hyung...She’s…She’s...She’s an angel.”, BamBam gasped, placing his hands against his cheeks in awe.

“Yeah…I know right?”

Jackson chuckled as he looked back out the window, watching as the woman skipped across the empty street and waved at a modestly dressed man. A man with greying hair and a kind smile waiting for her at the bus stop on the other end of the street.

\-------------------------

Jinyoung pushed up his glasses as he hunched over his large bag of plastics. He hummed a song he grew fond of recently, laboriously taking each piece out and inspecting it to remove loose bits of labels, before placing it into the appropriate compartments.

He was startled for a moment by a sudden warmth that leaned against his back, and arms that wrapped around his waist. As a familiar scent of musk wafted through his nose, his parted lips formed a wide grin. He turned around to rest his arms on the shoulders of the other man with a muffled chuckle.

“Hey sunshine.”, the man looked up at him, with big brown adorable eyes and a cheeky grin.

“Hey.” He murmured back, giving the man a small peck, before taking away his arms and turning back to continue his mundane task.

Jackson pouted and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist again for another back hug, restricting the other man’s movements each time he tried to reach into his bag.

“You reek of alcohol.”, Jinyoung scrunched his nose as he glanced back.

“I-I was just drinking with BamBam at the shop”, Jackson stammered, “It was only a little, he brought some stuff over.”

Jinyoung snickered and turned around after discarding the last piece of plastic. He pulled the man away and placed his hand on Jackson’s shoulders, whose eyes had widened in a small panic.

“Haha it’s okay. Jackson-ah. I trust you, you know.”, he smiled reassuringly, cupping the man’s cheeks.

The man smiles back sweetly.

“I know.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a long beat, before turning to walk arm in arm back into the apartment complex. A balding man shoots them looks of disapproval as he stood on his step ladder, harvesting fully ripened peaches that brimmed the tree he tended to lovingly.

“You’re early today though. You’re usually working on the opening till late.”, Jinyoung muttered quizzically as he pressed the lift button.

“Oh, your mom left first, she’s got a date today.”, Jackson murmured teasingly at his boyfriend, whose eyes widened at the revelation.

“What? With who?”, he shot a glare at Jackson, who merely chuckled at the man's reaction.

“Mr Lee, some guy from your mom’s church?”, he pondered, playfully pouting his lips.

“That old geezer?”, Jinyoung gasped incredulously.

“He’s not that old I think. The hair’s probably just genetics. Besides he seems nice.”, Jackson patted his boyfriend's back reassuringly.

“Nice? Didn’t you see the way he was leering at my mom at the community lunch!”, Jinyoung spluttered, his childish reaction causing his boyfriend to giggle.

“I wouldn’t call that leering, it’s more like…“looking at the object of your affection”.”, Jackson reasoned, trying to hide a laugh.

“Ugh whatever. I’m definitely gonna have to talk some sense into her.”, Jinyoung grumbled as they exit the lift and walk through the corridor.

They stop in front of the door as Jinyoung reached out towards the keypad.

“Oh, by the way, I think BamBam has a little crush on your mom.”, Jackson hummed as if recalling an insignificant detail.

Jinyoung’s eyes widened, his grip releasing his recycle bag with a loud dramatic thud.

“WHAT?”

Jackson laughed, picking the bag up and keying in the keypad passcode to unlock the door.

“NO WAY NEVER. NOT IN A FUCKING MILLION YEARS!”

He gleefully ignored the fuming man and opened the door, snorting in laughter as he walked in.

“Hahah, seriously though Jinyoung-ie, you really should consider getting some help for your mommy complex. I think its getting worse these days- OW!”

Jinyoung pinched his boyfriend’s back as he stormed into the apartment.

“I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING COMPLEX.”

“Okay, okay. Sure you don’t… _jinyoung-ie_.”

A man lets out a hyena-like laughter that echoes through the corridor while a certain prickly, young man slams the door behind him.

The unit number frame hung outside the door tilts slightly from the sudden force.

An enameled frame carved with the letters “#302” in a bright, gold sheen.

\---------------

"Carve all your feelings onto my heart

So it can never be erased,

Leave the marks saturated deeply

Your ink is in my every breath"

\- Im Jaebeom & Kim Yugyeom, Page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the cutest sweetest ending I could muster up HAHA.
> 
> THANK YOU. For all the support in whatever form, kudos, all the fking bomb comments (esp you rinkimu with your unending support ily) or even just giving this fic a shot.
> 
> Also, version of translated lyrics used: https://lyricskpop.net/lyrics/got7-page-english-translation/


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